November 8, 2007
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1 Don Shula, the former Miami Dolphins coach who had the only undefeated team in NFL history, claims that because the New England Patriots were spying on other teams, that any records they set should have an asterisk.
2 Don, you think it might be because that team has a chance of tying YOUR record?
3 You can usually figure out someone's agenda, boy.
4 Let it go big guy.
5 Moving on: Personally I'd like to see a great big asterisk next to Babe Ruth's records, since he did it with booze, fast wimminz, and SEE-gars.
The Sultan of Swat: The immortal
Babe Ruth6 The Bambino used to pitch when he was with the Red Sox. His best pitch is alleged to be, "What's cookin' good lookin'?"
7 Ah, tarnished records. I choose to avoid that topic today lest my own long list of amazing records somehow winds up with an asterisk.
8 Actually I still have some pretty tarnished records, nothing I'm proud of, but a few.
9 I have a Neil Diamond's greatest hits that is in pretty awesome condition.
10 There's a reason for that.
The surreal Neil: never one of my
favorites. The hairdo man. Hilarious.
Needless to say, pristine condition.11 I actually stumbed upon it around a week ago. It survived the great vinyl annhilation of around a decade or so ago. Go figure.
12 I kept hanging on to all my records. They were always so much more fun to buy and to open than the CD's, or however people get their music nowadays. Then one day I just decided to throw away boxloads of albums. Musty, scratchy and dusty, they all departed in one trip to the dumps.
13 Albums.
14 We called them "albums" and if you THOUGHT you knew albums, you bought the stereo versions of songs. If you KNEW albums, you bought the mono versions, which were much more pure and closer to the way the artists wanted them to sound.
15 Anyway, they came enclosed in cellophane that you could either tear open, or even leave on, without fear of cutting yourself with a knife because you're trying to get the scraps of tape off a CD case.
How many of these classic albums can you name?16 We never called them "vinyl" although I do find that to be an endearing term.
17 And yes, most of my records wound up tarnished.
The ultimate tarnished record. This cover of the Beatles Yesterday
and Today album was banned. Capitol Records responded with a new cover
pasted over this one,which caused people to steam off the new one, making this an instant
collector's item. The steam, of course, warped the album cover permanently. You were the
man if you had this one, all warped and twisted. The newer cover was way more
tame, and to many, much less angry and artistic. Here is what Capitol execs
changed it to:
Pretty darned weak.18 Albums. Musty, wonderful, made to be played over and over again. They would scratch, skip, pop, and could change form within an hour.
19 A few of them left out in the sun would become so warped that the needle would float up and down like a surfboard after the surfer got eaten by a shark.
20 Something. Sun and fun. I'd even try to play them that way, in hopes that somehow, they still could. Once in a while one would be able to ride the needle with grace and dignity.
21 Ah, modern deejays still use "vinyl" but they're really a sham. There's not too much left of the days when a new album would come out, and you'd run to the record store and grab one of the first copies.
22 Gone are the glory days. Babe Ruth died of cancer from a little too much celebration in life. His records have fallen by an entire generation of pumped up lunkheads.
23 My own records have warped and tarnished with time, and most all of them have disappeared like lousy metaphors. But with a heart, to be sure. Somewhere in all this nonsense is something. Not sure what. But albums man. Records. Pure. Tarnished, yes, but aren't we all a little?
24 Some fun.
25 I think I'm going to blow the little dust there is off this Neil Diamond album.
26 I'm getting pretty weary of modern times.
27 Meanwhile, I have to wonder what the greatest album ever was, or is...
28 It's not the surreal Neil, I'll tellya that much.
29 It's Wednesday. Think I'll try to fly under the radar and get home early.
30 I have a hot date with Sweet Caroline.
31 Hope you have a record-setting day.
32 Peace.
~H~
http://www.xanga.com/bharrington
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