The Daily News
1 Whew!
2 Yesterday afternoon I got TOSed by AOL. My crime? Bulk mail. The DN. Guilty until proven innocent. A grave miscarriage of justice undoubtedly.
3 Remember the fear of being “TOSed” in the early days of the Internet?
4 TOS stands for “Terms of Service” and if people used to go into chat rooms and act obnoxiously, other people would tattle-tale on them, and they would get TOSed out.
5 Something like that.
6 It was sort of like playing four-square when you were a kid. If you got way obnoxious and acted like a buffoon, you would get “benched” at recess, which when you are playing with a bunch of people with big ol’ heads and tiny bodies, meant banishment, stocks, public humiliation, and a somewhat surreal subjection to cooties.
7 Nobody ever wanted that, especially when you were just trying to be the guy who DIDN’T become the blacktop monster.
8 Every kid’s fear.
9 A lot of adults’ fear.
10 You can learn an awful lot about people by just watching kids interact.
11 Two days in a row we have a four-square reference, so this must be some serious stuff.
12 Anyway, I tried getting on AOL and had this thing come up saying it couldn’t verify my password, and if I had questions to go on their Help line.
13 I knew immediately that this was going to take a billion kajillion years. It was at the end of a long day and I just decided to relax and check e-mails and all. I don’t do business on AOL; it’s really for friends and alumni. In some ways AOL, for all its faults is like a part of that.
14 That might sound ridiculous, but I guess that’s the way things are. I associate it with e-mails, the DN, friends, family, dogs, and even the occasional circus clown.
15 I learned how to go online from AOL a long time ago, when it was an expensive toy that only professionals could afford to use. Of course I met teachers online who taught me how to beat that system, and I just thought it was amazing that you could type and the paper would talk back.
16 And AOL made all these cosmic noises when it would connect, as though everything was traveling through time and space, and that you could reach people in the Yemens if you wanted.
17 Anyway, I went to this Help desk thingy and they had a cyber robot gal talk with me, like AIM or something.
18 I asked why on God’s good Earth that a swell guy like me would have been TOSed. I felt like I was in a police interrogation room and that at any moment the Closer was gonna come in and get the Truth outta me.
19 She said that I had sent over 50 e-mails out on one send, and they thought I had stolen somebody’s identification.
20 I explained that I just send the DN out to a buncha people so they could goof off, read my stupid stuff, have a nice cup of coffee, and then out the door to battle the day.
21 She understood, and then proceeded to ask where I was born and what my mother’s maiden name was and stuff.
22 After around a half hour of this, they put me back on once they realized I was a regular guy. Ironically yesterday morning I took all the DN names and put them into a new group because a lot of people have switched e-mail names and all, so I just updated.
23 That’s the last time I do anything THAT stupid.
24 So I dunno. I’m gonna try mailing the DN again, because when I asked if would do that again, the answer was that AOL had no rhyme nor reason for who they flag down; it’s sort of like being audited.
25 So I’m gonna give it the old college try. I’m hoping the DN isn’t in any sort of jeopardy. I may need to experiment with dividing the send list. There doesn’t appear to be any set amount of e-mails you can mail out, but I sure as heck don’t want to be the town cootie.
26 Cooties.
27 Haha, well if you recall, writing CP (Cootie Protection) on your hand stopped you from having Cooties.
28 So I’ve done that. If other students at the school delare that I have Cooties, I know darned well that I’m protected. When I was a kid, writing CP on your hand automatically protected you from public declarations of Cooties, the Witch Trials of childhood.
29 Wish me luck. I’m completely innocent, I tellya.
30 I just hope they don’t grab torches and run me out of the village.
31 Meanwhile have a great weekend. Get out to Sanborn Park and watch The Tempest or The Scottish Play at Shady Shakes. Angie’s in ‘em. Go to Shadyshakes.org for details or call 408.298.0649. Free. Parking is $6. Go a bit early and bring a low-back folding chair and food and bevs.
33 It starts at 7 p.m.
34 I hope to get out; it’s the last weekend. I really hope to enjoy the show, that is if I’m not banish-ed.
35 And have a wonderful weekend everybody. Sure hope ya get this!
36 Have fun.
37 Peace.
~H~
