The Daily News

 
Lois Maxwell and Sean Connery

1  So Lois Maxwell walks into a bar...

2  The quintessential Miss Moneypenny.

3   So it goes.

4   And Instantly on the NFL, Dept: Well, as a Niner fan I can only say that the most aggressive player in yesterday's game was the 300 pound security guy who tackled some idiot who ran down on the field.

5  The guy had to be torn off the lawn because he was flattened.

6  Kind of reminded me of a gingerbread man on a cookie sheet.

7  I heard Coach Nolan traded his tie for the security guard and got rid of his entire offensive line.

8  And he recruited the Gingerbread Man as a right guard.

9  In fact I think he fired the offensive coordinator and put Mr. Bill in his place.

10  Trade up.

11  Moving on:  I'm hoping that my recent bout with exhaustion is the result of the change of seasons and not from some permanent thing that happens to old brown shoes like meself.

12  It's like I'm becoming narcoleptic. Or maybe something else. Here's something. I was in Walgreens yesterday buying razor blades and the lady behind the counter asked if I was okay.

13  "Sir?" I awakened. She was either an old lady or a coat hanger, truly. I had almost dozed off in line. I should have asked her if she had any No-Doz.

14  "Will that be all sir?"

15  I looked down to see what it was I had bought. It looked to me as though I was buying my own hat.

16  "Uh...nah that's mine," came my reply. I had bicycled to Walgreens to buy razor blades to take paint off my cabinets at home. My hat was in my hand because I was getting ready to put my bicycle helmet back on before going outside and getting on my bike.

17  "Oh..." she said. It was a brand new hat so it was an easy mistake. She was just confused as to why I was in line. So was I. Right before half-time of the Niner game I had fallen asleep, but I wanted to get out and buy those razor blades before the second half began. I didn't see any in the store and just felt weird asking for something like that.

18  I put my helmet on and went outside, unlocked my bicycle, and headed home. I just decided against the whole idea anyway. I just like bicycling. Any excuse.

19  And anyway I'm like that. Sometimes I just won't ask for stuff like embarrassing products or  even directions for that matter.

20  It just worried me that I can now nod off at the drop of a hat.

21  As I pedaled home I goofed on stuff. I wondered what the lady thought I wanted. I wondered if she thought I was weird. I wondered if I stayed bent over my handlbars that I too would become a human coat hanger. I wondered why that caveman guy is getting his own teevee show when the entire concept is idiotic to begin with. I kept riding, the soft wind sighing in my ears.

22  I always goof on stuff anyway. I wonder a lot.

23  I'm thoroughly convinced that I'm an idiot. I thought about that as I jumped yet another curb and flew past a wet fence. I pondered that I was indeed an idiot.

24  Just a theory.

25  I'm constantly worried that my cover will be blown at some point, so I just act smart and wise so nobody will ever make the connection between me and zoo animals.

26  I hopped a curb and goofed on sidewalk chalk, and how peaceful it is.

27  I ran over an autumn leaf. I goofed on how to recognize trees that have stuff that could pop tires. I wondered why we are all here.

28  I whipped through a church parking lot, enjoying the fact that cars couldn't make that move. I felt the wind between my fingers and wondered if God existed.

29  As I bumped up the curb leading home I thought about how underrated blustery October afternoons were.

30  I looked up, saw the sun split it's rays through a tree and decided God existed.

31  And then I walked up my driveway and into the garage.

32  I took off my helmet. put my hat back on, and went inside. The game had just resumed. The Niners had on-side kicked, gotten the ball, and then threw it into the hands of the Seahawks.

33  I hopped on the couch, fell asleep.

34  I thought about how cool it was that God invented sleep.

35  It's pretty peaceful how you find God sometimes.

36  Every now and again.

37  Fare the well, Miss Moneypenny, wherever you are.

38  It's probably nice there. Autumn leaves and October winds.

39  Have a lovely day.

40  Peace.

~H~

http://www.xanga.com/bharrington

 The Daily News

1  I have a confession to make.

2  I'm a fan of Kid Nation.

3  I was cussing at the teevee last week, wondering once again who would watch that stuff, and I wound up on the edge of my seat as this little guy named Jimmy just started crying because he was homesick.

4  I think you sort of had to watch it to really appreciate that one.

5  There's something about a little guy being homesick that seems to flow through all of us.

Jimmy and another kid on Kid Nation.

6  There's a home in every one of us, a place we love, and where we know love is, even if it's only a dream.

7  It's real.

8  And going home is the key to all of it.

9  I think if we all just take a look, we might just be somewhere that we wake up one morning and say to ourselves, "How the Hell did I get here? Who are these people? How in the world did I ever get here? I want to go. I want to go home."

10  And I saw that little guy just so lost and innocent, wanting to go home, wanting to have his own life back.

11  And when they finally let Jimmy go home, he made a beeline for the door.

12  Hmmmmm.

13  Maybe there's a little life lesson to be learned there somewhere.

14  I think about life sometimes and where we've all gone, how we've all grown and evolved, and moved to the place we find ourselves right now.

15  And to many, it's just fine. To many others, it's the beginning of a lifelong search for what was once called home.

16  There's an innocent sweetness to wanting to go home, a warmth that determines who we are and what we are about. Somewhere inside all of us there is a little kid wanting to go home again, wanting a return to the comfort and familiarity that seems so far removed.

17  There's a comfortable place somewhere in each of our hearts. It's familiar, it's the place that was our sanctuary, and our comfort.

18  Whether or not we can physically get there, it's always in our hearts and gives us a definition of  exactly who we are and why we are.

19  And it isn't until we see a kid crying and telling everybody that he just wants to go home that it finally comes out, and touches our hearts, and we cry inside.

20  Because in so many ways, we are just like that kid.

21  We just want to go home again.

22  It's always there, and we love the place.

23  That's about it.

21  Have a great Friday everyone.

22  Peace.

~H~

http://www.xanga.com/bharrington

    THE DAILY NEWS

1  So last night I was dozing off when I re-read my DN from the previous night in which I had misspelled the word "dozing".

2  The night before I hadn't really noticed because I was literally in a slumber as I was attacking the DN.

3  But last night it jumped right out at me.

4  Funny thing is that you don't really spell that word very much, and when you write it down it just doesn't occur to you to place a "z" in the word. At least when the majority of the night I was bagging z's.

5  For most of you it was probably pretty obvious to put one in. But in an exhausted state of mind it made perfect sense.

6  Anyway, all apologies.

7  Moving on:  A minute ago I looked over and my dog was on her back, like a dead squirrel. She wasn't moving, just knocked out. Dogs are great. No pride.

8  But they ALWAYS know better than you where it is they are headed.

9  Ever seen a dog running down the street? Without missing a beat they'll turn and look at you as if to say, "Dude, I know RIGHT where I'm goin' and I fully intend to get there." Then they'll point their nose forward once again and trek further knowing full well just what's up ahead.

10  Dogs.

11  Now I'm not one for potty humor but for some reason I've always been amused at how serious dogs get when they poop on a lawn.

12  They pose rigidly and look out at you with a knitted, kind of desperate look, like a colonel in the war. And if a dog poops on YOUR lawn, you usually know they are guilty. They just have that look.

13  Like 'em though.

14  Loyal.

15  My dog enjoy's sports. She is particularly fond of this ratty zebra. I come home at any hour and the dog runs in, grabs the zebra, and shakes it until its neck almost flies off, and then she sits there stupidly until I grab it and throw it. She chases it down and does it again, and will until someone cuts her off.

16  Ah, I'll keep that one short. Other people's dogs are seldom entertaining unless you are the other dog's owner.

17  Moving on, Part the Next: In my never-ending struggle with inanimate objects, I finally fell down yesterday. I was just walking from Barnes and Noble in the Eastridge parking lot and stepped wrong,

18  I went sailing, crashed my ribs into the concrete, fell on my keys, and it raised my knee about three inches high.

19  Rented shoes.

20  Sorry, but I have no idea what caused it. Just crashed to the pavement.

21  Right now I feel like a guy who chased down a foul ball and then crashed into a wall.

22  Moving on: For REAL though...: You were probably wondering when I was going to bring Barry up.

23  Last night was his last night as a Giant. He left before the game was over.

24  For what it's worth, I think he's still perhaps the greatest player in history.

25  I'll leave the other stuff out. I have to.

26  It was a great career and had lots of amazing moments. His ability as a ballplayer is unquestionable.

27  Hats off to talent and to the game. Hats off to Barry. If only he had stayed at his own party.

28  Despite all, it was quite a ride.

29  That's my word on it, at least for now.

30  Have a ball today.

31  Peace.

~H

http://www.xanga.com/bharrington

  The Daily News

1  So here we are again, you sitting somewhere reading this stuff, and me pecking away at the keys in hopes that I can make it all worth your while.

2  Nothing worthwhile, sorry to say.

3  Well, that's fine enough.

4  Just fine.

5   I  can tell I'm just hitting my stride.

6  I've been getting home really late, making food, then trying to do the DN on precious little sleep.

7  Mish-mash.

8  That's about what I wind up with most nights.

9  Mish-mash.

10  Last night I kept dozing off in the middle of sentences. But I had an exceptionally stressful day yesterday. Nothing really except I just wanted to fall asleep all last night. Just pure exhaustion from a stressful day. You know like when your head becomes a bowling ball and falls off for a cupla hours.

11  A couple of times I awoke to one letter gliding across the page.

12  In fact at one sddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

13  Allow me to try that one again. At one point, I had actually hit the letter "s" like around 46 times. Somehow I had also hit the exclamation point so that it looked as though I was Gollum.

14  Never mind.

15  Anyhow, this one was hard to get out there just because I kept falling asleep.

16  Sometimes that could be amusing though.

17  Because you see, when you fall asleep at different times at night, it means you also get to awaken to fun moments.

18  Last night I watched Wayne Newton dance like a woodchuck, and the next time I watched House playing an electric guitar, mastering a Van Halen tune.

19  But really, getting up at 5:30 each day gets a feller pretty weary at the end of a normal day.

20  And I think I've reached a point where I'm better off writing a little about nothing than a lot about nothing.

21  Something like that.

22  It's Wednesday. Let's just leave it at that. Tuesday can be a monster, we've already established that one.

23  So fly low. That's usually my Monday advice, but it certainly works famously for Wednesday as well.

24  But love the day, no matter what else.

25  Just love stuff. Find something to love today.

26  That's all.

27  Just one thing.

28  Have a lovely day.

29  Peace.

~H~

http://www.xanga.com/bharrington

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Daily News 1  I spent the lion's share of yesterday battling inanimate objects. 2  First I had the computer to deal with. I've used my daughter Caitlin's for the past couple of days and it's a fun computer. It does have one little quirk: it's the one that is like the Haywire slot machine. It suddenly jumps letters up three sentences and the cursor has a mind of its own. 3  So like I typed "3" just now and it jumped in right after the "do" on the word "does" on number 2. 4   Inanimate object. I'm smarter.   5  Well it actually cooperated yesterday. A whole LOT of things didn't, beginning with our copy machine that decided to tell me that it had jams in twelve different areas. 6  I won't list them all because I'm convinced that  things happen in bunches. I'll just list one little scenario that happened after I had spent all afternoon running around for the school, came home, cooked dinner, and when I FINALLY tried to sit down and relax into doing the DN, all inanimate-object HELL broke loose. 7  I was in a hurry to clean up, but I insist on cleanliness in the kitchen, so it all came to a halt when I couldn't find the cling wrap. When I found it, I tried to open it but it was all stuck together. 8  I tried to unwind it but it got crooked and kept ripping little useless scraps off. I slowed down and tried to observe my own behaviors, but it would have none of it. I kept tearing all these little pieces, then slowed it down and magnified. For a sec. Didn't work, was never going to pull it off.  I tried using this utility knife, but wound up cutting into it too deeply. I then threatened to cut DEEP into it. 9  I eventually tried stretching it by holding it down with my shoe and pulling up over my head. Ever mess around with a window shade? Same thing. 10  I raised both hands over my head and shook it and then instantly chucked it under the sink and into the garbage. Enuff of that! 11  I then went to get my coffee and knocked the cup over. It had milk in it. While cleaning it up the sponge picked up coffee grounds and I dropped it on the ground. Ground coffee. 12  So now I had spilled milk which I REFUSED to cry over, and coffee grounds on the sponge and on the floor. I decided to use paper towels. The one last sheet that clung to the roll wasn't enough to clean things but the sponge had blue paint on it for some reason. So now I had a sponge with milk and coffee and a blue streak with coffee grounds wiping itself all over the kitchen. 13  I began psychotically screaming at all the inanimate objects. "YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A BRAIIIIINNNNN!!! YOU ARE INANIMATE OBJECTS!!!!!!" 14  I finally threw in the towel, but it landed in the catbox. 15  So it goes. 16  Moving on:  Now that I work off a laptop, I no longer have the teevee blaring behind me. I can now sit on a couch and watch teevee while I write the DN. The show that was on last night was called The Bachelor. It should have been called The Empty-Headed Ho's. 17  That show does more to explain the voting habits of the American public than all the sociology classes combined. 18  The entire plot revolves around this aw-shucks goober with money who is ISO wife. Sonething like six million beautiful-but-ridiculously shallow and money-grubbing wimmins compete to win the goober's heart. 19  The commercials have old men dreaming about money. 20  Well, it's Tuesday. The only good thing about Tuesday is that The Bachelor is an entire week away. 21  I'm just trying to figure a way outta here. 22  So the laptop is getting antsy, and some girl contortionist turned herself inside-out so that her head was coming out of her ass. She pulled this stunt to win the goober's heart. 23  I tried to write the producers but the pen fell out of the inkwell. 24  Ah well, guess I'll just have to wait on that one. 25  Tuesday. 26  Have a beautiful one, willya?  27  Peace. ~H~       http://www.xanga.com/bharrington

The Daily News

1  You may have noticed the absence  here of some big stories: O.J., Phil Spector, Britney, Mary Kate, Kid Nation, Iraq, Indonesia, etc.

2  Well.

3  For one thing, more people seem to care about any one of the first five items than they do either of the last two.

4  What's wrong with this picture?

5  So beginning with Indonesia, I'll make some comments, in reverse order.

6  Indonesia: Was recently hit with an 8.4 magnitude earthquake which has already claimed the lives of 73 people. A ten-foot tsunami crashed along the shores but nobody as yet was lost in that occurrence.

7  Not bad, really, all things considered. But on December 26, 2004 the same area was hit with a tsunami that took the lives of 131,000 people.

8  So last week's earthquake seems tame in comparison, yet one needs to wonder what is going through the minds and souls of the people sitting over there getting aftershooks over magnitude 6.

9  Iraq: On a daily basis we have people over there holding together, being brave, and suddenly standing in a hellish nightmare that is a part of Bush's war on terrorism. Most of them knew, but didn't know what the Hell they were getting into when those nicely dressed recruiters walked around their high school campuses and talked things up.

10  It isn't that which drives me crazy about Iraq, however. What drives me crazy about Iraq is that the soldiers just don't want to be forgotten in a war that has been kept relatively secret over here. And yet, they seem to be forgotten by a lot of people who they feel shouldn't be forgetting about them.

11  They just want to hear from you. More than anything. And they want to come home. Moreso than even they realize. But however or why ever they got over there, the most important thing to them is that people over here remember them and send them good thoughts and a lot of love.

12  It would mean so much, and it is so simple for us to stop our lives for a few minutes and send them messages.

13  Please do.

14  Moving on: You see? Serious things aren't fun to read. That's why people like reading about the other six issues in the first item in today's DN. But the serious issues are still there, and we all feel them as we hide behind the other stories that in the grand scheme of things, are really pretty petty.

15  So for the benefit of the troops and anyone else reading this drivel, here are my comments about those other important issues:

16  O.J.: Whether you believe he's innocent of murder or not, you have to agree on one thing: he truly is one of the stupidest human beings walking around. I was okay with his stuff until he wrote that idiotic book. And the Goldman's are no better at this point. Just all of you, go away.

17  Phil "Dickhead",  Spector: He's a talented dickhead, but always was a dickhead. But a murderer? Who knows? Who CARES? Hasn't he been on trial for about forty years now?  Love the hair. Looks pretty snazzy. Now go away.

18  Britney: Imbecile. But when I was her age, I was an imbecile as well. I just didn't come out of a cage and look like an imbecile in front of billions of people. Another Disney girl gone wild. What did they spike those Mickey Mouse pancakes with anyway, stupid serum?

19  Mary Kate:  Ex-anorexic troll pencil has pie in the oven. Wouldn't it be funny if it were twins?

20  Kid Nation: Disgraceful! How COULD they! Who thought of a progam THAT horrid? RIDICULOUS! Abusive! Dusgusting! And every single week billions of us will say that, and then watch. The world's first living novel. William Golding is turning in his grave.

21  I'll be watching and reporting. The troops need something to goof on.

22  So there you have it.

23  A sampler of the real Daily News.

24  CSI/NY just popped on with the Who singing Baba O' Reilly.

Out here in the fields
I fight for my meals
I get my back into the living.
I don't need to fight
to prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven.

Don't cry
Don't raise your eyes
It's only Teenage Wasteland...

25  It somehow worked.

26  I guess that's it for today.

27  Send your love.

28  Peace.

~H~

http://www.xanga.com/bharrington

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Daily News 1  Whoooooo-wee! 2  Just felt like saying that. 3  Lonnnnng day yesterday. They have this ritual in high schools called Back-to-School NIght. That was last night.  It is this day where if you have my job you get up at 5:30 in the morning and stay until almost 10 at night. 4  You run around hollering at kids to get stuff done, you sweat, and then if you do have parents come to visit, you just clean up five minutes before they arrive and when the parents enter your room, you act  as fresh as a daisy. 5  Almost all teachers go through that ritual. 6  Well you'll be happy to know, those what knows me, that I finally have an Honors class this year. All the years I didn't Back-to-School night was a chance to chill with the kids in the play, or in the Class, or to BS with some colleagues, and then head home. 7  I'm USED to that, in fact. 8  Well, when it was time to go introduce myself to the Honors parents last evening,  I was amazed to see that the line was around the block. I walked in and saw my students proudly standing with their parents, and this massive brightness came over the room. 9  I've been really excited about this class, as YB never gave me Honors after around five years. To be perfectly honest, that was probably the number one reason I decided to leave. I began as an Honors' teacher, and "back-in-the-day" they decided to rotate us so we would all be well-rounded. 10  I did, and I actually enjoyed all the different teaching challenges, and to this minute I feel I had a wonderful career because of it. 11  But year in and year out I would stay at the same level, which was nowhere near Honors. They never rotated. I always thought I would be an amazing Honors teacher and put in requests every single year, and every single year I wouldn't get it. Or maybe YB didn't get it. 12  The welcome by those parents last night was one of the highlights of my teaching career. I was surrounded with postive people and support, and with great respect for what I had so far done with the students. 13  It took me back all the way to my first year ever at YB. I had three English 4A classes (that was what they called it then) and just rose to the occasion, working, thinking, joking, and showing some soul and always some respect for the students. 14  I recall Honors Night that year. I was standing in the back of the Theatre, proud of my Seniors, a bit sad, when a voice came down from the stage and completely caught me off guard. It was a girl's voice, and she said, "Will Mr. Harrington please come down to the stage?" Completely stunned and somewhat embarrassed, I walked to the stage. They had roses. As I approached that already familiar stage, the Seniors Honorees began clapping, and within seconds, all of them stood and continued clapping, almost row by row. Nothing will ever take that moment away from me, and it was the first of many defining moments in a career filled with defining moments. 15  Fast forward to two years ago when I had garbage thrown on me and a student was "pretty sure" Shakespeare was dead. He was "99% sure..." 16  And then fast forward to now. When I was given this Honors class two weeks ago, I became a new teacher all over again. Cleaned up, put on a tie, cut what was left of my hair, trimmed my nails, shined my shoes, tied my idiotic shoelaces, and rambled into town on a white horse. 17  Last night I lit up. 18  I knew I had been teaching as never before, and the parents were there, with students, and a feeling that something good was going on. Perhaps even something miraculous, at least to me. 19  Last night I became that teacher once again. 20  A return to Camelot. 21  Those what knows me knows what I mean by that. 22  Words just can't say it.  I'm mixing metaphors and getting lost. 23  It's nice to find yourself after years of having been a bit lost. Maybe that's it. I know one thing. One teacher put in his time, and was now emerging pretty well-rounded. It was a great moment. A defining moment. 24  I never intended this DN to go there this morning. 25  Once in a while good happens. Once in a great while, greatness happens. 26  This was that time. 27  It has arrived. 28  I'll one day never forget last night. 29  All apologies. 30  It was just sweet, and I guess I just wanted to share that. 31  Thanks for listening. 32  Great night. 33  Perfect. Finally. 34  Peace. ~H~     http://www.xanga.com/bharrington

 The Daily News

1   So I have this thing on my teevee called a DVR. It's sort of fun because you push some random button and things suddenly appear, and you push something else and the same exact thing shrinks down. You accidentally push a button and some show you never heard of gets recorded, every episode up to and including the year 3000, and you push some other button and entire seasons you recored suddenly disappear.

2  So I now can record around four football games at once, and the commercials claim you never have to miss a game.

3  With any luck I won't have to get off my couch for at least six years. I could back sports up forever.

4  It's swell.

5  No need ever to talk to anyone again because I don't need to. I could just kick it and watch a million mindless things.

6  I'm pretty stoked.

7  Surfer term.

8   Means...uh...something cool.

9   Some fun.

10 Moving on: Yesterday I was going through classrooms putting up evacution maps for the custodians when I got to a room that was completely dark. The sign on the door covered any hope of looking inside. It said "Psychology".

11  Somehow it was a statement. I pictured this WAY nervous teacher huddled in the corner shaking, yelling, "Who is it? WHO IS ITTTTTT?!%!?????"

12  Moving on:  Sometimes it's just the little things.

13  Moving on, Part II: One show I inadvertently recorded on that new device is called Most Outrageous Moments, a not-as-bad-as-it sounds show that has some pretty fun stuff.

14  A great moment was a video of a little kid being asked by a religion teacher, "And what does the story of Jesus and the wine tell us?"

15  The kid didn't miss a beat: "That when you run out of wine, get on your knees and pray," came the reply.

16  Ya gotta love it.

17  And so this is Tuesday.

18  Some fun.

19  Fear not.

20  Moving on, Part the Next: According to the commercials on regular teevee, it's practically Christmas. They've already begun advertising for tix to The Nutcracker.

21  I mean, come on! I just got done buying cheap summer toys for my class, like gigantic golf clubs, swimming goggles, and beach balls.

22  And I went into Big Lots the other day, just to get a binder, and they were already closing out Back-to-School items. Halloween has comfortably been around for almost a month already.

23  The last time I ever heard of the Nutcracker this early was when I had to catch for a guy named that when I was in Little League.

24  He had a pretty nasty curve, let me tellya. For around two weeks all the guys started calling me Lefty.

25  May I delete everything I've written for the last five seconds? 

26  DEEE-lete.

27  Oy.

28  Tuesday.

29  Ain't no luck.

30  I learned to duck.

31  Peace.

~H~

http://www.xanga.com/bharrington