May 25, 2007
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The Daily News1 Well howdy.
2 Happy unofficial first weekend of Summer.
3 Last night AOL finally gave up the ghost, or SOMETHING.
4 My Class of '05 president and goof extraordinaire Thuy Anh need a bit of help on
a college paper and I started to help when AOL completely froze.5 After that it froze every four seconds. I couldn't help her except to try editing by phone.
6 That dog don't hunt. Cingular, which is about as useless as AOL, stayed strong and hung in there, but it was an effort in futility. AOL was relentless in its narcolepsy.
7 The ironic part is that I had "upgraded" in hopes that they MIGHT just be doing that to goose their customers, but nope. The upgrade clearly was a downgrade.
8 I'm already slowly moving my DN guest list over to Mozilla, but a lot of that list was just adds and then cut and paste to get the DN to you, and many names just aren't on an AOL group list. I'm hoping I can go back over to AOL and mail this DN. But every time I go to AOL my computer freezes. Coincidence or conspiracy, hmmmm? You be the judge.
9 Moving on: Anyway, that's more info than anyone needs, and I SHOULD be writing about that lady who is suing some amusement park because she fell out of a rollercoaster.
10 Evidently she took up two seats and plummeted fitfully to the earth.
11 Word on the street is that they're changing the name of the ride to "Hades".
12 M'bad.
13 Moving on, Part 2: Have you ever watched that reality teevee show (are there ANY non-reality teevee shows on mainstream anymore?) where these cake guys have to deliver cakes to rich people's homes and have to run from pit bulls, butlers, fancy dancers, and snappy dressers?
14 At first I thought it was a ridiculous concept, but like most of those sorts of shows, I sit back and yell at the teevee, "Who WATCHES this stuff?"
15 And then two hours later, I'm clapping my hands, sweeping them at the screen, and saying, "Who WATCHES this stuff?"
16 Uh...
17 Anyway yesterday for our Honors Night, I had the unenviable chore of bringing three full-sheet cakes up the hill to the kitchen to go into a walk-in refrigerator, and then I had to bring it back down to the theatre.
18 Uncapitalized theatre.
19 Well, FIRST I had to get those guys from Safeway's cake area to the TOOOOOOONDRA. I had to go through an act of congress to pay for them because the customer service person was spending about twelve years convincing some guy that he had no money to send by Western Union.
20 I'm standing there with three HUGE cakes and 20 gallons of cheap punch, which they didn't seem to have crates for. I looked like a homeless guy with three huge pink boxes. The boxes started to sag on each end.
21 Finally, they let me pay for them, but the school check was a buck sixty short.
22 {Picture of dog}
23 That's what it's come to. {Picture of confused dog}
24 The threw all 20 individual gallons of some horrid orange fruit punch into the back of the TOOOOOONDRA, and then slid the cakes onto the seats. My guitar had to be tied down to a rocking chair on the roof. I thanked them, popped some Earl Skruggs into the beat box, and proceeded to climb the hill.
25 From there, it was a Chinese circus act. I spun one cake on a wooden dowel, and spun another on my index finger. After doing a bit of a soft-shoe, I got the cakes into the walk-in cooler.
26 The door closed. Suddenly I was on Seinfeld.
27 Nah. But I must say, I thought of that show. I thought of how many different ways all of that could have failed. Fortunately some guy had snagged a Save Mart shopping cart and left it in a storage room, so I got all that stuff safely down to the theatre.
28 It was great though, because the cakes all had this huge graduation hat (do they still call them "mortar boards" or am I just old school? I'm old, and still in school, so it would stand to reason...) that had sort of a dark teal and black color right in the middle of them, and each cake said, "Congratulations!" Pretty nice, except that the frosting turned everyone's teeth dark teal.
29 It was a scream, really. You gotta love seeing people turning blue. I shoulda worn my shades.
30 Well, not really everyone, but I certainly preferred not to go about with blue teeth.
31 They ate every ounce of cake, and I even had to go up and steal some cake from a party earlier in the day, and they gobbled that all up too.
32 I was Cake Delivery Guy yesterday. Unofficial First Weekend of Summer's Eve Cake Delivery Guy.
33 Great gig.
34 So...sorry TA, but Mozilla works, not AOL. AOL sucks.
35 And there's a bit about cake.
36 I won't talk about the pit-bull that took Viagra, because, well I just won't. But that just came across the news on KGO. You gotta love it.
37 I better go.
38 Have a GREAT Unofficial First Weekend of Summer.
39 And congrats to my homie Peter Tran for graduating from SJSU tomorrow. We're all proud of you man!
40 See y'all next week.
41 Peace.
~H~
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