May 23, 2007
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The Daily News
1 Whew.2 I had a rare window of time to do a little shopping yesterday, so I took off to Los Gatos, which loosely translated means "The Male Cats".
3 Although I spent a good part of the afternoon there, I never once saw a cat. I saw LOTS of dogs who resembled their owners, but no cats. Especially no male cats.
4 Now if you don't know, Los Gatos is the type of town that might have an entire store devoted to nothing but dogs and cats.
5 You know, a shop that might sell you a cardigan sweater for your dog for around fifty bucks. And they don't have any mutts in that town. I think they're just not allowed. No mutts. No Mutt Zone.
6 Anyway, the reason I wanted to shop in Los Gatos was because it has TWO stores devoted to kitchen items, and I wanted to get an apron and oven mitts for Caitlin's birthday.
7 I walked into one of the kitchen shops and saw a salt shaker for twenty-nine bucks.
8 I was actually looking for the apron and oven mitts. I found a great old-fashioned apron and some huge mitts, and left, quite satisfied. They even gift-wrapped it in birthday wrap. Pretty spiffy.
9 It was really hot yesterday so when I got outside, I looked around and instantly ducked into a coffee place, hoping to get an icy, blended coffee to beat the heat.
10 Now in downtown Los Gatos, you'll be hard-pressed to find a neighborhood Starbucks. They have places called "Roasting Companies". La-de-dah.
11 I went in and asked the barista if I could have a blended Caramel Macchiato.
12 She looked at me as though she had just inadvertently swallowed a caterpillar. She answered with a very terse, "No. It would taste like blended froth!"
13 She then walked over to another worker and whispered something. He rolled his eyes and whispered back.
14 Eventually she brought me a clear plastic cup with hot coffee and froth poured over ice, even though they have a blender. She was kind enough to drop the froth on top, but it wasn't at all what I had wanted. Nope. Can't blend coffee, my good fellow. WE don't do that to coffee...
15 I graciously thanked them and moved down the street.
16 I soon wandered into a wine shop. Caitlin is taking a wine class so I thought I might get her a nice bottle of Chardonney.
17 I walked in and it smelled delightfully like a wet cork. To my immediate right stood a HUGE cheese wheel. It looked good, bit it occurred to me that in all my years of going into wine shops and delicatessens, I had never SEEN anyone BUY a cheese wheel. Still, I thought it looked good, aged and sort of charming.
18 To my right stood a small blackboard with the words "Specials of the Day" written on it. My experience with small blackboards with the word "Specials" somewhere in it is this: watch your wallet.
19 I saw that they had a nice chardonney from this charming little winery called Villa Mt. Eden for $11.99. I had visited that winery a few years back, and thought that it was a perfect deal.
20 Looking up, I saw that the entire wall was a grand wine rack with wines from nearly anywhere. I broke into a huge smile and started looking at all the labels and varietals.
21 After a fashion it struck me that something was not quite right. I turned one of the bottles around and noticed that it had NO price tag.
22 My instant instinct: leave that store.
23 So I did, but not until I noticed that the $11.99 Villa Mt. Eden was the price per GLASS. Live wine.
24 I left in haste and headed up the street, where the crosswalk was positioned at an angle that made it twice as far as the one directly in front of me. A guy in a Lamberghini almost killed me, but worried it might graze his silver shine, so he just slammed his brakes on. I gave one of those cool-guy waves and moved swiftly.
25 I got out of there with a quickness. It occurred to me that I wasn't really a Los Gatos type of guy. I should have gone to Los Banos, with a teelda.
26 Los Banos is a one-horse town that has one outhouse in it even though it's name means "The Male Bathrooms."
27 Eventually I found my way to a place called The Pruneyard, which had utterly no prunes, and not a yard within five miles. But it DID have a Barnes and Noble, as well as a Trader Joe's.
28 Good ol' TJ's. They had three bottles of some great wines, and for once they weren't crowded. I made my purchases, even buying a Trader Joe's canvas bag so that Caitlin could get a sense that she was fighting global warming, and inconvenient truth.
29 I finally got to Barnes and Noble and ordered a Venti Caramel Frappucino blended, and the barista, who looked like a fish lure, said, "Anything else?"
30 I just smiled. I got a lousy card after around a year of looking, and then found a book called, Who Knew?
31 It had this little tidbit in it: Sunglasses date back to fifteenth-century China, where they were worn by judges to conceal their expressions while presiding over court.31 Who knew?
32 That's about it. My computer froze twice while writing all this, so now might be a good time to wish you a lovely day.
33 Have a lovely day.
34 Peace.
~H~
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