May 13, 2007
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The Daily News
"Oh! Hullo there!"
1 Okay, here's one comin' right atcha. Freddie Lewis. There's a name we've all heard. Ever heard of him?
2 Well! The Giants brought him up the other day and just yesterday and he proceeded to hit for the cycle.
3 Ah, that's just fun.
4 What else? Ah...the Warriors got beaten by one huge three-pointer last night.
5 Happens. Gonna be a tough go from here.
6 Moving on: Bullshot again delivered on Saturday night. I really love the show. From the opening scene to the very fun ending, the Workshop has just pulled it beautifully. They go up again this Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights at 7:30 so come on down and enjoy this fun show! Bring ten friends.
7 Moving on, Part 2: Yesterday someone asked me what time it was, and I said that the only clock I have that is accurate is my cell phone.
8 But I started looking around.
9 I have a clock everywhere I turn. There is a clock over my kitchen window, and it is four minutes fast. The clock on my refrigerator doesn't tell time, but the one on my stove does, and it's six minutes fast. The microwave clock was just blinking on and off the other day, the result of a blackout that I just sort of clearly ignored. It's now five minutes fast. The coffee pot is two minutes fast, and the one on my computer appears to be within a minute of correct. Right next to that one is a clock radio I have in the event I fall asleep at the computer. It's exacty seven minutes fast, and is the one I tend to go by. I have a gift pocket watch from the Pigeon Players, and I have it set a bit fast as well.10 The clock on the television is on Eastern time, so I have no idea really what time it is, except it's a three-hour difference whatever the time.
11 The clock on the stereo in the living room is always on, but I've never consulted it.
12 Too unreliable.
13 One of my two printers also has a clock.
14 Someone really thinks that time is of the essence.
15 I remember in my mom's house growing up. We had one clock in the kitchen. If we needed to know the time, we could always look at that clock. If it was off, we just called POPCORN, where a woman who must have been the mother or grandmother of the current POPCORN lady would tell us the time in a very officious, robotic manner. But it was on World time, and as accurate as a Swiss watch.
16 Unfortunately, my attention span was as solid as Swiss cheese.
17 So yesterday this old song by Chicago came on the radio.
18 It was called, Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?
19 I started looking around at all the things that have clocks in my house and I was pretty astounded. EVERYTHING has a clock, which is why EVERYTHING now comes with a CD that you need to consult in order to set the time correctly.
20 That song just made a lot of sense, only in a different fashion than its original intention.
21 I always love when every now and again a student would walk up to me and ask, "Do you know what time is it?"
22 No, but if you hum a few bars...
23 Anyway, the real time is that it's Monday.24 YOU know the rules.
25 Make yourself scarce.
26 Make yourself invisible on Mondays.
27 Fly low.
28 Then go straight home.
29 It's the least you can do.
30 If someone tries to stop you, just tell them you have to get home to count
your clocks.31 They'll think you're eccentric and may just leave you alone for the rest of your career.
32 Have a wonderful Monday.
33 And don't think too much about what time it is. Or even what time is it.
34 Just live.
35 Peace.
~H~
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