April 16, 2007
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The Daily News
1 So…Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. walks into a bar…2 So it goes.
3 Welcome back everybody!
4 We lost a few last week.
5 Don Ho also walked into a bar…
6 Don Ho sang a song called Tiny Bubbles. Probably a nice guy.
7 Vonnegut was my hero, a writer of tremendous mirth, seriousness and horse manure.
8 I always felt that we had the bastard right where we wanted him.
9 He was dubbed many things, not the least of which was the Mark Twain of modern times.
10 Oh, I imagine.
11 There is so much to talk about with Kurt Vonnegut that I wouldn’t know where to start. Like the Grateful Dead, and baseball, I suppose, this old duffer was an acquired taste.
12 I’m guessing he’d like that epithet. Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. An acquired taste. Has somewhat of a nice ring to it.
13 He taught me a few things.
14 He taught me that on February 13 and 14, 1945, American and British bombers firebombed the beautiful town of Dresden, Germany, and that it was covered up at the time.
15 Over 100,000 people, many of them women and children, died in a hurricane of fire during the Dresden bombings.
16 So it goes.
17 Vonnegut taught me two other things of some relevance to my own life.
18 He taught me what a blivet is, for one thing.
19 Simply stated, a blivet, according to the great Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. is this: two pounds of shit in a one-pound bag.
20 Each time someone brings me a stack of papers at work, I usually say, “This looks like a blivet to me!”
21 They usually respond with, “What?” I then go on to explain what a blivet is to them. They usually give a sort of, “Oh…” and give me the instructions on the blivet before departing. I even explain to them what it is, and my source. Most of them just want to make sure that I get going on it. Generally, whoever is left in theroom is usually in on a tacit chuckle with me. Outwardly, we remain staunch and somber as the person exits. Inside we are both dying of laughter. So it goes.
22 The second thing that Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. taught me was what a quimby was.
23 You know, like Quimby Road in San Jose? I can only guess that whoever named that street had to know what a quimby was, or they never would have named it that.
24 So what is a quimby, according to the late Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.?
25 According to the late Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., a quimby is a fellow who farts in the bathtub and chews on the bubbles.
26 Scout’s honor.
27 So it is a sort of cosmic joke that Don Ho passed away recently as well.
28 LIke my wine, I enjoy seeing wit served up a bit dry as well. And I’ll always enjoy a reasonably good cosmic joke. You can’t beat Tiny Bubbles for a reasonably good cosmic joke.
29 I liked Don Ho. I enjoyed his song. I also liked Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
30 I liked his song as well.
31 And some sad news: one of my best friends from my early college days just passed away on April 7, after a long stint with cancer. I found this out on Thursday and on Friday I was once again standing at a life celebration for a wonderful friend.
32 His name is Eddie Sessler. He taught me the following things: he introduced me to the novels and wit of Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., as well as the to music of the Grateful Dead. He taught me that you could hike freely in the mountains, and that life is a spiritual, wonderful journey, and a cosmic trip. He used to look you directly in the eyes and would smile, and draw you into his fun, frivolity, intelligence, and wisdom. He knew darned well what a quimby was.
33 He also loved the Giants, and was also a vendor out at Candlestick with me.
34 He was a writer, a poet, a devoted father, husband, and dear friend. Eddie’s high school basketball coach was at the ceremony, and delivered a wonderful talk about his team’s first game.35 They trailed 42-3 at half time. The coach brought his team into the locker room at half time and asked, “We are trailing 42-3 at half-time. Doesn’t anyone have anything to say?”
36 There was a huge silence.
37 “42-3 at half-time, and nobody has ANYTHING to say?”
38 Eddie knew when people were uncomfortable, and almost said something, but got quiet. It was bcoming quite awkward for all the players, as well as for the coach, and the silence was deafening. Finally, Eddie smiled his somewhat wry smile and raised his hand.
39 “Well,” said the coach. “Eddie has the intestinal fortitude to share HIS thoughts with all of us. Ed, it’s 42-3 at half-time. On behalf of your team, what do you have to say? “
40 Eddie broke into a huge smile. “Coach,” he said. “Did you bring anything good to read?”
41 Thanks my wonderful friend, for all the laughs and spirit. You are very much a part of me, and a part of anyone you touched. You will be missed.
42 Welcome back, and have a great day everybody.
43 Peace.
~H~
