Month: January 2007

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    The Daily News

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    1  Weekly World News Headline:

     HILLARY NAMES BIGFOOT AS HER RUNNING MATE!


    2  Who knew?

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    3  All this came as somewhat of a shock to myself as a journalist.

    4  I thought the biggest news of the day was the guy whose pants caught on fire when he left his cell phone in his pocket. He was wearing polyester pants and a polyester shirt, and his cell just combusted.

    5  But this article. Yeesh. I got scooped.

    6  Plus it had some great moments. The article, the one about Hillary, written by the WWN's own Denny Spurling quotes a Clinton advisor, Don Key as saying, "His style will be no-nonsense, get-it-done approach similar to Teddy Roosevelt--with a slightly altered motto of 'Grunt softly and carry a big club.' "

    7  And another:  "G.O.P spokesperson Ellie Funt supposedly said, " 'Running Sasquatch is just another stupid stunt by desperate Democrats. Besides, the public won't vote for someone who stinks like a billygoat. Who'd come to those rallies? '

    8  " 'The red states, most likely,' remarked Don Key."

    9  Just irresistible.

    10  I just had to laugh.

    11  Sometimes it's just so fun to read all that stuff. We read the mainstream news and sometimes it just gets to be a bit much. For example, I just read about O.J. Simpson's idiotic book.

    12  Even if you believed the guy, you'd have a tough time defending that one. That's about as stupid and insensitive as a human being could be.

    13  I actually debated about writing the DN about him, or the guy whose pants caught on fire.

    14  I guess I could have talked of the playoffs. I'm a big Tom Brady fan, but I'm also a huge Jeff Garcia fan. I must confess I rooted for Jeff, but too bad. And any time my Niners aren't in the playoffs, which has been pretty consistent in recent years, my default team is always the Patriots. But this year there were lots of teams to root for.

    15  The Saints and all that's happened to that town. Garcia. Brady. Tomlinson. And still, nothing really monumental except some just amazing games.

    16  I could have talked about Dr. King and his day. But it's pretty clear that nobody really listens too much to the dream anymore, just once a year, and then it goes back into hibernation.  Any concept of peace with the Bushies in charge is impossible.

    17  Free at last? Come now.

    18  And then whatever with Warren Beatty and the Golden Globes.

    19  Nope, it just wasn't a fun night to try to talk about too much of anything.

    20  So when I went to the supermarket and saw that Hillary/Bigfoot '08 was looking like the ticket, I saw renewed hope.

    21  And then, moving over the amazing internet, I found a good deal of stories that warrant our attention.

    22  I re-discovered the Weekly World News! Notice the fantastic headlines that have been ignored by mainstream America! Notice the almost unbelievable headlines on each and every issue! Notice the horny little alien that keeps whispering in everyone's ear. Any port in the storm, man.

    23  So I think I'll just throw all the rest of the news over my shoulder.

    24  Here is a nice montage of Weekly World News headlines of the past few years.

    25  Please enjoy as I go out and scour the planet for some stories that will tantalize, that will intrigue, and that will most likely be believed by the red states.

    26  M'bad. It's okay. Thankfully, we have real journalists like Denny Spurling, who are out there doing it for us every day.

    27  Don't touch that dial.

    28  Have a great day everybody.

    29  Peace.

    ~H~
     

  • The Daily News

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    1  Well, the computer seemed to work the night before last. For a while, I thought the thing had walked into a bar.

    2  It just wouldn't boot up. I had it written off as dead.

    3  So it goes.

    4  But suddenly at around 6 a.m. yesterday, it fired up, and I was able to at least finish writing the DN and publish. Unfortunately, I can't send bulk from the school computer, so it looked as though I had finally missed a deadline.

    5  The irony of that is that I never really tried e-mailing it from the new campus. The REAL reason I didn't mail it was that my frabjous mind remembered mid-day that I had written the DN and that I HAD finally mailed it, even though I hadn't mailed it.

    6  Don't get old, boy.

    7  So really, I didn't even remember that I hadn't e-mailed it until I began writing TODAY'S DN last night. I caught my lapse and repaired the job from the night before and was able to get yesterday's DN sent out last night, technically not missing a deadline, and then I was also able to write today's DN last night so that it could get to you this morning, which hopefully it did.

    8  Is that confusing?

    9  Zeimerz man.

    10  And I got so busy the last two days that I never really had the time to think about the DN while at work yesterday, so I forgot that I hadn't mailed it until last night, when I finally did. ..you see,it all started when we had a series of meetings...

    11  Don't get me going.

    12  Moving On Segue: Meetings:  Anyone who knows me knows how much I adore meetings.

    13  The thing about jobs is that they would be great if we didn't have to answer to some guy in some department above us who wants to improve things, and who demands accountability.

    14  It reminds me of that scene in Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles when Brooks, with a Groucho jacket that says "GOV" on the back has a meeting and says to his staff, "Gentlemen, we gotta protect our phony-baloney jobs!"

    http://photo.xanga.com/bharrington/2fc3e100809360/photo.html

    15  Truer words, truer words.

    16  So three-hours into it, you look at all the people at a meeting and clearly rigor mortis has set in.

    17  Nah, I'm kidding. I always marvel at how much improvement goes on once all the accountability is finally finished and people could go back to doing their jobs.

    18  I remember once, many years ago, when my dear old friend and confidant Ken Ponticelli sat in on a meeting with some of our more illustrious staff at YB.

    19  I had already been to a million meetings with this particular crew, and knew that quite often a two or three-hour meeting would inevitably end with the fatal words, "Well then! I guess we're right back to square one!"

    20  This was a consistent pattern.

    21  Kenny was Activities Director at the time as I recall, and midway through the meeting I saw him begin shifting, turning red, and tapping his fingers each time someone would argue some moot point to the point of death. And trust me, they would make SURE it was deader than a doornail before finally shutting up.

    22  Of course, I was totally goofing on how he kept getting physically shaky, tapping his fingers, then his feet, shifting in his desk, and looking at the clock.

    23  Finally, someone said, "Well then! I guess we're right back to square one!" to which both his hands crashed on the desktop just loud enough so as to illicit a response from one of the silent majority. "Maybe we should just break for lunch..."

    24  Ken instantly slammed everything into his binder and was almost out the door. Those of us in the KNOW knew better. Any time someone suggests lunch at a meeting, there is inevitably some lunkhead running the meeting who will say, "If there are no more questions, we can all take a little break...uh...yes..." followed by the inevitable doomsday nod to some snooty beancounter.

    25  Naturally, this happened right when Ken's right Nike was three feet ahead of his body and practically out the door.

    26  Quoth the snit: "Before we break for lunch, can we just go around in a circle so that everybody gets a chance to be heard?"

    27  I don't remember exactly what Ken DID, but it was the equivalent of throwing an exploding boulder through a plate-glass window. He physically moaned, and mumbled recognizable curse words that to this day probably won't get past Saint Peter. I was rollin'. It was downright Satanic, with slow motion and all.

    28  When we finally got outside, he blasted through the door jamb like a running back bursting through a line. I thought he was going to cry, and he just kept almost taking the Lord's name in vain, were it not for the letter H.

    29  Different guy. Kenny is a devout Catholic, so he was pretty careful, all things considered. 

    30  To me, it was just another in a career of those sorts of meetings, but he was used to just having meetings with me and Fleming, which usually consisted of us acting like a good copy of Mad magazine on steroids. Never had he SEEN such nonsense!

    31  The guy earned his money that day, let me tellya. He groused for the rest of the afternoon, ALMOST taking the Lord's name in vain.

    32  I think what finally calmed him down was when I reminded him that some day this would all be written up in the DN, and that it would contain hundreds of terrible similies, and that we'd be lauging about it...

    33  I think that was the only time he ever struck me directly in the nose.

    34  Well, that's today's DN. If there are no more questions, I think I'll just say good morning and have at it.

    35  ...uh...yes?

    36  Peace.

    ~H~


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  • The Daily News

    1  So...Yvonne De Carlo walks into a bar...

    2  SO much news, so little time today.

    3  My computer totally froze last night and early this morning, so the usual grand perfection that so defines the DN will be sadly lacking today.

    4  Rush job.

    5  So sorry.

    6  So here goes the rat-a-tat.

    7  Bush's Policy:  Project for a New American Century. Look it up. PNAC. Scariest thing you'll ever read. Get copy of his script from last night. Compare the two. Make your own judgement. Truth will out.

    8  The amazing thing is how history will treat all of us for ignoring those sorts of things. It's a disgrace.

    9  Bonds:  Told ya. I stopped cheerleading that banana a few years ago. Truth will out. Not only did he test postive for meth, he tried to pin it on a teammate, making him a liar and a junkie. You, outta the pool. Sorry Bonds fans. Baseball's darkest moments lie ahead, sorry to say. That's the sad thing about reporting the news: it isn't always pretty.

    10  B-r-r-r-r, sure got cold all of a sudden!

    11  Moving on: According to the United Kingdom's chief scientist, Sir David King, robots should be given full rights, the same as citizens. Some of Sir David's suggestions for full rights would be housing, financial support, health care, etc. Naturally, someone is going to comment on this sort of stuff, so the Financial Times reported that if all that happens, then robots will also have to pay taxes and register for the draft.

    12  Hmmm...

    13  Moving on, part 2: Once there was a time when men dared to dream...so begins the ad campaign for Camelot, which will begin a two-week run at the Center For the Performing Arts. This is being sponsored by by the American Musical Theatre of San Jose, and stars the absolutely amazing Michael York.

    14  Tickets are available for this one, brief, shining moment by calling 1.888.455.SHOW, or by going to www.amtsj.org. You might want to e-mail Lwashington@amtsj.org  for a more personal treatment. Prices range from $13.75-$73.00.

    15  By all means, make that one happen. Michael York as King Arthur. This guy is one of the greatest maintstream Shakespearean actors in history. His main credits included Tybalt in the "old" Romeo and Juliet, Franco Zefferelli director, and also as Lucentio in Zefferelli's absolutely fabulous Shrew. Our younger set might recogize Michael York as Austin Power's boss.

    16  No time to put in pictures, or even to check spelling, or grammar, or anything today, so I just wanted to hit the DN deadline.

    17  So there you have it, a DN rush job to beat the band!

    18  Peace, see ya tomorrow!

    ~H~

     

    Note: Today's DN is a bit late due to computer freeze.

    Technically, I DIDN'T miss a deadline, right?

    Uh...right?

    Here's a preview of tomorrow's DN:

  • The Daily News


    1  Item from yesterday's Merc News: According to the Philadelphia Daily News, a "very attractive younger couple" posted on Craigs List that they would perform (yes, that's what we mean) in the presence of anyone who gave them tickets to the Eagles-Giants game. No word on whether the deal was consummated.

    2  Sometimes, I tellya.

    3  Football.

    4  Speaking of football, an interesting theory abounds in the NFL that the reason the sorts of fumbles we all saw in the Cowboys game happened was that the new balls they use for kickers have wax on them. These are referred to as "K-Balls" because they are used exclusively for kicks. Evidently they come straight out of the box, and kickers have been complaining that they are slippery because they "have a lot of wax on them" according to David Akers, the kicker for the Philadelphia Eagles.

    5  Was this the reason that Tony Romo bobbled his teams hopes away in their playoff game against Seattle on Saturday?

    6  I tried to catch up with Tony yesterday to ask him, but he kept giving me the slip.

    7  Word on the street is that Romo just got the wrong ball. What he got was a K/Y ball from the wrong box.

    8  M' bad.

    9  You didn't REALLY think I was going to let THAT one slip by now did you? ; ) <-----sideways winky guy saying all this talk is officially getting swiftly out of hand...

    10  Oh, stop!

    11  Some people, boy.

    12  Moving On: Never mind all that. Let's head into a completely new direction.

    13  So I felt sorry for Ohio State and asked them over to a party in their honor last night, but they never showed up... ; )

    14  And Moving On: Looks like they've chosen the Rock and Roll Hall of Famers for 2007 and the list includes Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Phil Spector,R.E.M., The Ronettes, Patti Smith, and Van Halen.

    15  Noticeably missing: Mark McGwire.

    16  But inclusion of Cal Ripken and Tony Gwynn into the real hall had to make all of us smile.

    17  Not in the Rock and Roll...into the real hall...you see...

    18  NVM.

    19  Shoddy journalism.

    20  Anyway, Shay Quillen, a journalist for the Merc News noted this about the Rock and Roll HOF, which takes place March 12 at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York:
     
    ...the real fireworks should come from Van Halen...Whenever [Eddie] Van Halen, Roth and Hagar are in a room together, sparks are sure to fly. And now that Anthony [Van Halen's former bass player Michael Anthony] has been replaced with Eddie's 15-year old son Wolfgang? The mind boggles...

    21  True that. New thing everyone seems to be saying. It's annoying, but get used to it. True that.

    22 Anyway, if that last item counts as Merc News Item #3 in two days, then so be it.

    23  Well, it's late.

    24 And finally, birthday wishes go out to Thuy Ann and Trinh. Many happy returns; you guys deserve the very best. Thanks for all the help in your time TA, and thank you Trinh for keeping the Drama Workshop alive. You are both awesome!

    25  Well, that's about it.

    26  I think I'll slip off to bed. I wrote all this last night, don't you know.

    27  You have a great day.

    28  Peace.

    ~H~



      


     
     
     
     
     
     
     

  •  The Daily News
        tigger 1 innocent
    1  Item from yesterday's Merc News: I would like to encourage Mercury News readers to check out the California Theatre on South First Street. My caughter and I saw Gone with the Wind there. This was the first time in almost 50 years that I had been inside the theater. A pipe organist played music from the movie as we entered. The theater is wonderfully redone. This is the waymovies should be viewed. The cost was only $5, and street-level parking was right across the street. Unlike "cattle car" seating in new theaters, the seating at the California Theatre is like it was in the 1930's--the way it should be.
     Bob Christensen
    San Jose

    2  So there you go.

    3  Thanks Bob.

    4  I missed a couple of fun items the past two days. One I missed deliberately; the other was just reported on KGO.

    5  The former: Evidently in Disney World in Florida, Tigger was brought up on charges of hitting a kid. I held off on that one because first, I just didn't want to believe that. In fact, I just figured it was probably some frivolous lawsuit. I saw the video and it sure looks like it's frivolous. What the Tiggmeister did was sort of paw some goofy kid in the head. I say he's innocent, and that those people were clearly looking to get their fifteen minutes of fame.

    6  But never fear. Even the headlines of something like that could have devastating effects. Yesterday I was approached by a certain high school's mascot, who told me he wanted to go into boxing, and I had to square his thought processes in the right direction.

    7  I also told him...or her...that mascots are not supposed to talk, let alone hit. He...or she...apologized, and then when I turned around, rabbit-punched me.

    8  Well, that part is not true, but the mascot did mention disciplining kids by pawing them. Intelligent mascot.

    9  I'm getting myself into shaky ground here though. There are certain things we just don't talk about, and mascots would be one of them.

    10  Moving on: This DN is coming to you at around 4 a.m. believe it or not. But I'm not exhausted. What happened was that I conked out last night at 9 p.m. after tossing and turning the entire night Sunday night. Ever toss and turn on a Sunday night just because it's windy? Well, that's what I did, and like anyone, I spent the entire night worried about just about everything, especially the fact that I was getting no sleep.

    eyes 1 eyes treeseyes 2 scary

    eyes 3eyes 4 baby


    11  Now that's just stupid, because by doing that, you become useless in the day, and it just exacerbates the situation.

    12  Ha!

    13  Exacerbates.

    14  Top that.

    15  And no, uh-uh. I have too much class.

    16  Moving on more: During Christmas I took the TOOONDRA into the shop to get all the dings out. For some reason, people hit that truck and dent it and stuff. It's TOOOONDRA tough though. Anyway, I took her in the Tuesday we went out for vacation, and JUST got her back yesterday! She looks brand spanking new, new paint, bumpers, and all the rest. Those of you who are TOOOONDRA fans will be happy to know that. Those of you who couldn't care less probably still couldn't care less.

    17  Moving on still more: Oh yeah. The SECOND item was a report that just came over the raddddio here at 3:30 in the morning. Some neighbor was mad at his neighbor and shot him with a bow and arrow.

    18  Is it just me?
                                               tigger kids

    19  Well, the next thing I know, this mascot comes up to me with a bow and arrow...

    20  I'd better go. I have to get to a party in Florida.

    21  You guys have a great day, willya?

    22  Peace.

    ~H~

     

                                   trademark of quality 2

     

                                                        

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  • The Daily News

    1  Okay, okay, so I was wrong.

    2  Sorry.

    3  About what?

    4  Ah, good!

    5  Well, on Friday I was all stoked about the FREE movies playing at the California Theatre at 345 S. First Street, just a few doors up from Original Joe's.

    6  Evidently I was wrong about the FREE. I do have an excuse, albeit a tepid one.

    7  I first noticed the free movies when I stumbled out of Joe's (I don't drink, so please! I'm just clumsy!) and onto South First. When I regained my composure, I glanced up and there, spearing the sky in shining lights and standing quite tall was the majestic California Theatre marquee. And it's winter message on a frosty night? Free Admission!

    8  I believe at the time the film showing was It's a Wonderful Life.

    9  I've seen It's a Wonderful Life around six thousand times, so I didn't really pursue it, but I did note that anyone could go into the California Theatre for FREE. That alone was worth it.

    10  Looking for fun items to place in the DN becomes me, and I looked through last week's Merc News Eye section, and saw all the films they were doing. No prices were mentioned, and I assumed it was free because of the sign on the marquee.

    11  I figured wrongly that they didn't want to announce it TOO much because every homeless guy in town would be ducking into the place in cold weather.

    12  Anyway, I have to guess that the free admission is for the afternoon showings and not for the evening ones. I'll hunt it all down when I have a bit more time, but as for now, I want to apologize to anyone who had to shell out a fiver to go see Casablanca this past weekend.

    13  Anyway, the rest of it was accurate, all the dates and all, so by all means go inside and look at the place! It's absolutely a gem, and one of our finest attractions. If you want get an idea of what I mean, simply follow this link:


    http://www.shomler.com/calsj/

    14  Beyond that, I could give you links all day long, but I'm guessing you could navigate the remainder from here.

    15  I'm VERY busy goofing off on a Sunday night, so puh-LEEZE.

    16  Anyway, all apologies. it's still a grand place and a wonderful addition to our grand old town.

    17  MOVING ON: Speaking of Joe's, I found out around a month ago that Ozai Hassan, the greatest waiter in the history of waiters, will be retiring from Joe's after 32 years of impeccable service. I was sorry to hear this, as he is without a doubt my favorite waiter ever.

    18  Anyone who has ever gone to Joe's with me, and that would probably be anyone who reads the DN, will recognize Hassan immediately as the gentleman who refers to me as "Professor!" Naturally I love it.

    19  I reported this in a piece I did on Joe's September 4, 2005, but it bears repeating.

    20  When the Merc News sent the immortal Joe Rodriguez to do a story on Joe's a few years ago, he asked the waiters who their favorite famous guests were.

    21  Among the names mentioned were Bill Cosby, the rock band KISS, and former President George H. W. Bush. One of the younger waiters, David, mentioned that Bush was his favorite, and reported that Hassan waited on Bush at the time. Nobody, not the President nor the Secret Service knew that sitting in the next booth were "two San Jose pimps and their prostitutes." Here is the exact quote from the article, and which I reported in my DN of 4 September, 2005:

       The president and his Secret Service bodyguards didn't know it
    but in the next booth sat two San Jose pimps and their prostitutes.
    Who left the bigger tip?
    "The pimps!"



    21  I gotta love it.

    22  Good ol' Joe's, and good ol' Hassan. That's a story that would only happen to him.

    23 I'll get more info about when he is going to retire, AND a picture of him, which amazingly I don't have.

    24  Meanwhile, you don't need a camera to go down to Joe's and get some of their chicken soup and fresh bread. The cost is minimal and the experience: priceless.

    25  Okay, so you probably expected that cliche', so why disappoint?

    26  That's about it for today, just a little trip downtown.

    27  The sun is up. The sky is blue.

    28  Have a great day. See you tomorrow.

    29  Peace.

    ~H~

    Good Ol' Original Joe's!

  • The Daily News



    1  I don't know about anyone else around here, but I think the swearing in of Nancy Pelosi as the first woman to be sworn in as Speaker of the House is a remarkable new beginning for America.



    2  If nothing else, this is going to be fun.

    3  It's time that the "Culture of Corruption" brought on by the Bushies and by the Skull and Boners finally comes crashing to a halt. Enough is enough. And Nancy is a woman with the chutz to do it.



    3  I was born in San Francisco and absolutely love that at long last the idiocy and jingoism that has defined this Administration is going to finally be dragged out and exposed for what it is. The Bush's, John Kerry, Howard Dean: these guys are all Skull and Bones. That's just scary that people let that roll.

    4  So Nancy, we raise a glass, sistuh! Time for a woman to step up and clean House.

    5  Celebrate, America, truly! This woman is the real deal, and I say that about VERY few politicians, Demos or Repubz, they're all just doing it for the very rich.

    6  So yesterday they popped a cork in the National Building Museum with a $1000 a plate dinner and brought in such San Francisco Bay Area luminaries as Tony Bennett, Mickey Hart, Bobby Weir, Bill Kreitzmann, and Carole King, good cause folks all around.

       Back to back. Chicken Shack. Son-of-a gun, better change your act. We're all confused. What's the news? You can call this song The United States Blues...
                                                                --The Grateful Dead

    So Let the Party Begin...   

    v


    7  MOVING ON:  The historic California Theatre just up the street from Original Joe's has been playing old films for free for a while now. Yes, that was FREE, in the beautifullly renovated building that got its start in April of 1927.


    Opening Day of the California Fox
    Theatre, circa 1927.

    8  In keeping with my uncanny abilities to receive synchronicity, the very next film that the California is playing is...drum roll...CASABLANCA! It runs tonight at 7 and 9:30, and tomorrow at 4, 7, and 9:30, absolutely FREE!


    Bergman and Bogart in Casablanca.

    9  The other shows coming up are also great. The list includes the 1920 silent film The Mark of Zorrow starring Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. with Dennis James on the Wurlitzer organ on Sunday at 2.

    10  that will be followed on Monday Jan. 8-Thursday Jan. 11 with Hitchcock's North by Northwest starring Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint, all happening at 7 p.m each night.

    11  The party continues with the immortal Audrey Hepburn starring in the classic Breakfast at Tiffany's next Friday at 7 and 9:30 p.m, and next Saturday and Sunday at 4, 7, and 9:30.

    12  That's all happening at The California Theatre, 345 S. First Street (650) 324-3700.

    13   So let's all start celebrating a brand new year, a new dawn, and some great movies.  Life's too short not to.

    14  And Nancy, congratulations.

    15  So if you miss tonight's showing of Casablanca, fear not, you can go tomorrow night, and somewhere someone will probably be singing, "Get prepared there's gonna be a party tonight!"

    16  One more Saturday night.

    17  Have a grateful weekend.

    18  And yes, let us end this with one great word.

    19  One more Saturday night.


    ~H~

     
          x

    Peace.

  •    The Daily News
     
       cold 3 light
    1  Sometimes things just happen, you know?

    2  Last night Peter had wanted to get together with some people from the '05 days, just to laugh and catch up. He was able to assemble all my goodly tech people from that tech golden era, including Jose, Sparky, Ray, Trami and Vivien. We met up at Chili's, out by Eastridge, which is fast becoming a fun mall.

    3  Well, we laughed about this and that, and Jose and Sparky started in as always, only it had a different feel. For almost two hours it felt perfectly normal. They were as politically incorrect as ever, and as ever, I found myself laughing when I shouldn't have, which is really what I always enjoyed about that group.
                                                   

                              cold 4 stuck in a moment


    4  If you don't know these guys, fear not, they are classic techies, earthy and real, and as good as it gets.

    5  It seemed like a normal night two years ago, but suddenly I looked around and saw how much the world has changed in each of our lives, astounding changes, new lives all around.

    6  Life moves on.

    7  When we paid the bill and stood outside, it started to hit me that everything had shifted so much, and these people who were so central to my life, and the entire Theatre at YB were now moving rapidly in extreme different directions.

    8  I thought of all of it, and of how proud I am of so many of those guys. The entire class, and that entire era swiftly dissipating, yet clearly very much alive in all our hearts.

    9  And in keeping with synchronicity, as we stood in the night air outside of the restaurant, Fix You by Coldplay came right out of a Bose speaker directly over our
    heads.

    10  Colplay became the background music to the entire time we all spent together, laughing, hoping, loving, and being a part of a very special time in my teaching career, perhaps the most soulful time, and one in which there was a great deal of emotion and love, turmoil, tears, and ultimately, very sweet memories for all of us.

    11  And Coldplay's Fix You played out the night, as though it were cued to do so by some spiritual director. For just a millisecond, I looked into all their faces and it was just so familiar, and so wonderful in the grand scheme of things, because it came down to just a group of people who had spent hours and hours together at a time when time was meaningless, because all of that was never going to come to an end...

    12  Of course, life just isn't like that. All of us had moved and gained, and yet it was as if we had never departed.

    13  I share that with the DN crowd only because most people who read this share those sorts of memories with good friends, and sometimes the world does throw music and lights together for the play we all are living in.

    14  And it's those tacit moments that are the stuff of life.

    15  This goes out to a very special group of people.

    16  Even those who weren't there, this includes you.

    17  I saw you smile.

    18  Thanks.

    19  Peace.
     
                                                   

                        cold 2 sparkys mom



    ~H~


     


    thanks.


     

     
     



     

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  •  The Daily News
     
    camel smile
     
     
    1  Ah, it's just grand to be back.

    2  Actually yesterday rocked. I spent it answering e-mails and flying under the radar, like any good red-blooded American the day after New Years.

    3  Yesterday was clearly THE most useless Tuesday of the year.

    4  Of course, the year was only one day old, but I'm sure you see my point.

    5  Well, Wednesday already. I thought it would never get here. Good old Hump Day.

    6  I can't believe they even allow that.

    7  Calling Wednesday Hump Day.

    8  I mean, come on.

    9  That has baggage man.

    10  Like personally, a name like that carries certain doubly entendrees.



    11  Sorta like whenever I think of Hump Day, I can only think of one thing.

    12  I mean, come on.

    13  Camels. Ack!

    Whew! That was a close one!

    14  Get your mind out the guttuh.



    15  I just think it makes kids think of Camels, and Camels capitalized are a double entendree that makes otherwise intelligent people want to smoke filterless ciggies, thus causing decay-of-the-teeth and face, as well as jaundice, or so I've heard.

    16  In some countries, when an American says he just smoked a Camel, people think he shot an animal that is stuffed with chicken, turkey, and some say hummus made from pea beans and bananas.

     


    17  But that theory is a tad slipshod, if you ask me.

    18  How did it ever come to this?

    19  Well, we gotta get through this week somehow.

    20  And when you talk of Camels, it's like talking about sweetening your tea.

    21  One hump or two?


    22  You take care.

    23  Enjoy your very own Hump Day any way you wish.

    24  I'm going to go off and smoke a Camel.

    25  Peace.

    ~H~







     

        









     
     


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  • The Daily News
    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

    1  So...Saddam Hussein, Gerald "Single Bullet Theory" Ford, James Brown, Darrent Williams, and 3000 soldiers walk into a bar...

     

    2  That's about 3002 people I feel sad about.

    3  So it goes.

    4  Well, it's great to be back, lemme tellya. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. The beauty part of teaching is that you get lots of time off, and sometimes, you become wise beyond your years.

    5  Like over this holiday I was able to put together nearly anything a person would need to know about life.

    6  And of course, I'm quite happy to share with you.

    7  So here goes a whole bunch of stuff I learned, almost all of it spiritually true.

    8  And so, my list. These are now Absolute Truths:

    • As I often suspected, any song will be better if sung by Jimmy Durante.
    • Whipped Cream is best enjoyed by shooting it into your mouth.
    • You will never lose weight between November 20 and January 2, so why try?
    • Casablanca is the greatest movie ever made.
    •  Old movies are thousands of times better than new movies.
    •  This old world has turned awfully stupid in twenty years.
    •  It's time to bring our troops home. The time has come. Every soldier and his mother knows this, to their very bones.
    •  Love turns perfectly intelligent people into imbeciles.
    •  Dogs know more about where they are headed than humans do.
    •  The foods that are the worst for you are the foods that you love.
    •  Three out of four celebrities have little or no talent outside of their loud mouths.
    •   If you want a waitress to come over to your table, put a huge portion of anything with hot cheese in your mouth.
    •  Neither Richard Simmons nor Tom of My Space will ever make any sense to me, and I sense they won't make much sense to you either.
    •  Everything they say about fruitcake is sadly true.
    •  Life is short. There's still a lot to learn. Learn it while you can, and smile when you do.
    •  January is underrated. It's a great yawn.

    5   Well, those are some things that whirled through my mind as I sat watching delightful hours of old films this past holiday. Just some thoughts.

    6  Welcome back y'all.

    7  Just yawn, stretch, and have yourself a lovely day.

    8  Peace. Here's looking at you kid.

    ~H~

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