The Daily News
Sidney Sheldon, 1917-2007
1 So...Sidney Sheldon walks into a bar...
2 So I didn't get the news straight last night, because I seldom do, but evidently they got some coffee experts to measure various coffees and it turns out that McDonald's coffee was favored over Starbucks.
3 I think that those experts came from the Riley Coffee Company in Dallas, Texas, and that most of them retired after having written the Warren Report.
4 I see no point in even talking about Barry Bonds anymore.
5 Moving on: News from the Rock 'n' Roll Front: It appears that the Police are re-uniting for the Grammy's. I think that's cool.
The Police
6 According to Gene Simmons, Kiss is more popular than JAY-zuss. Read all about it in the Dailies. Dude. You're famous because a) You wear makeup and b) You have a long tongue. Still, we gotta love the megalomania. Every now and again you gotta give yourself a kiss. ; ) 'M'bad.
7 Man, I got in late last night, as usual, and the wife of that guy who got attacked by a mountain lion talked of how she fought the thing off for her husband, first pounding on it's stomach wit logs when it had her husband's head in its mouth, and finally taking a pen and jabbing it's eye, and then pounding it again with logs and stuff.
8 This lady really had me riveted. What a bizarre story!
9 I sure hope it doesn't keep me from hiking.
10 Years and years ago, I saw the movie Jaws, and never went in the ocean shortly thereafter. It's a long story and I'd rather not tell it, but let's just say that I wasn't interested in getting eaten by a great white.
11 I'm okay with hiking because the worst thing that ever happened there was this last summer when a pretty big rock collapsed like a dirt clod when I stepped on it, and I fell backwards and bounced my head hard on a large slab of granite.
12 But now mountain lions...no thanks. That's just freaky man.
13 What's funny is to this day I'm petrified of sharks. My friends would say, "There aren't great whites in these waters!"
14 My response? Hey, even a tiny grey is gonna hurt like crazy and could dissever your arm.
15 And then I get people who want to keep me out of the water forever. They say things like, "90 per cent of shark bites happen in under 3 ft. of water you know..."
16 I remember someone saying that to me in my braver days, and my response was quite simple: 90 per cent of ocean swimmers SWIM in under 3 ft. of water, foo!
17 I love how people just toss statistics out like that anyway. "50 per cent of all marriages end in divorce, you know..."
18 I'm actually guessing that's totally inaccurate but is as accepted as the Immaculate Conception.
19 I'm just sayin' man...don't get all butt hurt.
20 Catholics, right?
21 It's always fun when you ARE the people who you say would get all butt hurt.
22 Yes, I'm Catholic. Used to be. Still am at heart. Once a Catholic, always a Catholic. No such thing as an ex-Catholic in my book. It's like being ex-CIA. No such thing.
23 Tuesdays.
24 See ya.
25 Peace.
~H~
The Police
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