The Daily News
1 Ah, right when I thought I could avoid talking about American Idol again, it appears everywhere.
2 To begin, Paula Abdul's sloshy opening night didn't go unnoticed. It was picked up on all the sound-byte news shows and radios, as well as a dripping piece by Charlie McCollum in yesterday's Merc.
3 Charlie talked of Paula as "looking slightly looped..." and also went on to mention that ratings this year were up 5 per cent over last season. One of those tabloid shows brought that figure up to 10 per cent, and it supposedly climbed as the evenings progressed.
4 Rosie O' Donnel, the self-absorbed Madam Mim of talk shows, was right on the money when she talked of American Idol parading mentally-challenged people in front of the cameras and abusing them.
5 Methinks La Rozeee' doth protest too much.
6 She would appear to be one of the most mentally-challenged people in the star-gazers universe. She was horrified that American Idol would make fun of people's appearances.
7 The same woman who refers to Donald Trump as "The Comb Over".
8 Yeesh.
9 I thought I did a capital job of keeping the entire Rosie/Donald Freak Show at bay.
10 I don't know about anyone else out there, but there is something terribly wrong in America.
11 We spend our lives living in a world that is clearly designed by Rupert Murdoch and his cronies at Fox.
12 Rupert is the guy who controls an outfit called News Corporation, which has a collection of captured rings including Fox, Fox Sports,20th Century Fox, TV Guide, Star TV, FX, Direct TV, and perhaps his biggest prize, My Space.
13 The Rupester is behind almost all of this glitz and glam that is our modern times.
14 Here is a picture of the sexy Rupemeister. It's my personal favorite.
15 Our entire existence seems to have his idiotic touch on it.
16 It's like half the people walking around ought really to have a label that says "Brainwashed and Designed by Rupert Murdoch" on their ass.
17 Ah, indeed. The Ugly American. Everywhere you turn. We're turning into a nasty, mean, ugly nation. I blame Rupie.
18 As my old mates, the Rolling Stones would say, "Sad, Sad, Sad..."
19 When did it all turn so horrid?
20 The funny thing is, I find myself getting drawn into it all, as though anything on Entertainment Tonight is even remotely newsworthy. Do I really care that Lindsay Lohan is going into a clinic? Or that Barry Bonds is living in complete and total denial?
21 We just love to hate these days.
22 Rupert even plays a game on My Space where he makes people choose their favorite friends, in order. I just see him up there in whatever tower he sits in, combing My Space to see who dropped whom from their top 8. He probably has a group placing bets on friends.
23 Voyeurism, my goodly friends, has become a parlour game, and we all want to play. We just wish to be left alone when we play it the most.
24 Moving On: The University of Chicago has a periodical called the Bulletin of Atomic Scientist, which is most famous for moving the hands of the Doomsday Clock. The Doomsday Clock was created as a measure to how close we are to the end of the world. It's been as remote as a quarter to midnight, and as close as two minutes to midnight, midnight, of course, representing the end of the world.
25 On Wednesday they moved the Doomsday Clock hands forward. On Tuesday it was seven minutes to midnight. It's now five minutes to midnight. Everybody is in a hateful feeding frenzy these days. It's darned well out of control, and all of us are somehow a part of the madness. I wonder if there's any correlation?
26 As I wrote those words, the Teevee just started singing that grand oldie Give Me Just a Little More time by The Chairmen of the Board, now just a Slim Fast commercial blaring behind me, but what a cosmic act of synchronicity. I swear to you that just happened.
27 When Pandora opened that box so many years ago, the last thing to emerge was Hope.
28 I suddenly feel better about all of it.
29 Deus ex machina. Daily News e-mailees got this one misspelled as "Deux ex machina" this morning. Good ol' Geoff caught it in the midst of a severe attack of insomnia due in large part to some life swine nibbling at his life. I also began re-numbering after number 4.
30 Anyway, it means "God from the machine", a reference to miracles that come in at the end of plays, or in this case, hope coming in at the end of a depressing go of it in the DN. The doomsday clock almost began singing. Give me just a little more time. Well placed coincidence, that's all. Couldn't ask for better.
31 Deus ex machina. It comes to us from the Greeks. So did Pandora. But you gotta love the coincidence.
32 Things like that just make me smile.
33 Give me just a little more time.
34 Look up and smile.
35 Someone is smiling back, with a sunny wink.
36 Whew.
37 We can all breathe again.
38 Peace.
~H~
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