November 2, 2006

  • The Daily News



    1  Isn’t it funny how slow some of us are to change.

    2  My immersion into an entire new life has been exciting and interesting, and highly unlike me. As a general rule, I dislike change; there’s something quite nice about stability, and a feeling that you really could go home again.

    3  And yet, this new life I’ve gotten into is really interesting and fun! I feel like a guy who has gone away to college; it’s SUCH a drastic change that it has gathered me up and put me on this strange planet.

    4  And I got caught up in it too. Nothing seems more important to me these days than trying to figure out how to improve on this challenging new world, and how to take my best qualities and help improve an entire world. It’s insane, it’s wild, it’s frustrating, but it’s also triumphant and electric. It feels like my first year teaching, only I’ve been around the block and I can kick back at anyone, any time. Maverick. Gunslinger.  Bad Ass Bill.




    5  I don’t suppose that’s altogether the wrong thing to do. You change, you grow, you move on, and then you take on this strange new life. And it all becomes your REAL life after around a month.

    6  The only thing is, every now and again it all stops, and you are standing alone asking yourself, “Who ARE all these people? How did I EVER get here?” And for one brief moment you think of the familiar again, and you find great comfort there.


    7  Because let’s face it: as life moves on, we lose ourselves drastically in the process.

    8  Ah, we put it out there that we are conquering heroes moving mountains and shaking lands in our new digs.

    9  But every now and again the Great Loneliness sets in, and we are grimly gripped with the uncomfortable thought, “Who ARE these people?”

    10  They seem like old chums, like best friends, like new friends whom we have met swiftly, and in whom we have already gathered a modicum of trust.

    11  But once in a while we look down at our feet. In my case, I see the familiar. I see the Old Brown Shoe, and I wonder deeply where the Hell I am.

    12  People fly at me every two minutes, and I help them, or guide them, or entertain them. Or duck from them. Or fight back with all I have. This happens daily. Then it seems to calm itself in the early part of the afternoon. It’s always then that I look in the sky and see the same sun, and the same clouds, and the same sky as everybody I ever knew, and it’s peaceful once more.


    13  I glance to the hills, and smile a poignant smile.

    14  I gather who I am, think about my parents, my childhood, my family, my career at YB, and I’m suddenly a wretched mess.

    15  But I take a deep breath and enjoy the day. I’m glad to be alive, and I’m glad that I have such an amazing new life. It’s exciting, fun, insane, but never boring. I’m suddenly proud of all I’ve accomplished in so little time, more than I ever have in my entire life. This is by far one of the greatest challenges I have ever encountered.

    16  Perspectively, I think of Jeff over in Iraq, or maybe Sunshine in Germany, or of my mom and dad, facing all the challenges they have to face, and I count my blessings.

    17  I’m alive, and I have a lot to offer this community. I have people I didn’t even know twelve  weeks ago demanding things of me, bossing me, having disdain for me, and just waiting to watch me step the wrong way once, and to tumble down this rocky hill.

    18  I have others who already have joined in my posse, who want to take all of this on right along side me, like other gunslingers who know they have to step up and do it, because the adjusting time is over, and this is life.

    19  This is my life. Not what it was before.

    20  I miss people. I miss YB. I miss home. I miss normal.

    21  But I chose this path.

    22  And I now stick my neck out for nobody.

    23  Because after all, I have a saloon to run.

    24  Peace.


    ~H~


     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

     


        



        

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