November 2, 2006
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The Daily News
1 So…William Styron walks into a bar.2 That’s not William Styron at the top of the page.
3 That’s not even a book by William Styron, who wrote Sophie’s Choice.4 He wrote Lie Down in Darkness and The Confessions of Nat Turner as well, but he’s probably best remembered for Sophie’s Choice.
5 He didn’t write Cowpokes Ole Jake; some guy named Ace Reid did.
6 Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. had this to say about Styron: “He was dramatic, he was fun. He was strong and proud and he was awfully good with the language. I hated to see him end this way.” Styron died of pneumonia, which is spelled with a “p”.
7 Here’s a picture of the real William Styron:
8 So it goes.9 Moving on:
I find that I always seem to take a peek at the obituaries in the Merc each day, just to make sure I’m still walkin’ around. I don’t want to go outta here with some little kid talking to Bruce Willis and saying, “I see fat hat people.” ; ) <—-sideways winky guy who always seems to find his way into the DN.10 Toothless fat hat people if I keep chewing on all this Halloween chocolate.
11 Moving on: I hate like heck to move on from Halloween chocolate, but something just jumped off the Eye, the entertainment section of yesterday’s Merc News. They’re advertising for The King and I, starring Debby Boone and Francis Jue, with tickets as low as $13.75! Well, they also give the range for prices as $13.75-$73.
12 Debby Boone is famous for touching her forehead and singing You Light Up My Life, and…and…
WE INTERRUPT THIS DAILY NEWS TO BRING YOU THIS SPECIAL BULLETIN. A FORMER STUDENT OF THE YB CLASS OF ’05, NHAT VU, JUST CALLED LIVE FROM THE FRONT ROW OF THE MOTLEY CRUE/AEROSMITH CONCERT, WHICH HE SNEAKED INTO WITH AMAZINGLY REAL CREDENTIALS.
The Very Motley Crue
Steven Tyler of Aerosmith
I’D REPORT HIM TO THE PROPER AUTHORITIES WERE IT NOT SO DAMNED FUNNY! HE CALLED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CRUE SET AND HELD HIS PHONE UP AS PROOF, AND HAD TO HANG UP JUST AS STEVEN TYLER AND THE BOYS TOOK THE STAGE.NHAT IS A WRITER FOR THE FICTICIOUS OSOKIN NEWS, AT LEAST ACCORDING TO THE VARIOUS CARDS HE HAS HANGING FROM HIS LANYARD. THEY DON’T QUESTION HIM BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE A KOREAN INTELLECTUAL WRITER IN A BLUE BLAZER. WHAT THE HELL DO THEY KNOW ANYWAY? THE BOY HAS BALLS.
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THE DAILY NEWS. PEACE.
Who’s Next?13 Whoa, that was a fun one. Nhat. He wants to see what he calls the Triple Crown of Rock this week: Aerosmith, The Rolling Stones, and The Who. Motley Crue was just thrown in as dessert before the feast. In some sort of strange way, he isn’t really lying. He IS reporting it. And if he wants to be his own reporter for his own news agency, why not? It’s free enterprise, no? As an added bonus, Van Morrison is opening for the Stones!
The Greatest Rock ‘n’ Roll Band in the World
The Rolling Stones14 Ya gotta love it. I keep telling him that he’s going to go to prison if he doesn’t watch it, but I still can’t help giggling. If you saw his credential you’d swear it was real. It has a location at One Embarcadero Center in San Francisco, a fax number, an e-mail address, phone, cell, etc. He’s only been stopped once.
15 Technically, he could be working on a book.
16 Anyway, it makes Debby Boone pale in comparison, but getting back, tickets are on sale for Rodgers and Hammerstein’s The King and I, and you can get seats for as low as $13.75 by calling 408.453.1523 or e-mailing lwashington@amtsj.org. I guarantee this show will be awesome, but I’m a rare Rodgers and Hammerstein fan.
17 et cetera et cetera et cetera
18 The Stones’ great underrated song I’m Free just came on a commercial for Chase.
19 Everyone’s a sellout these days. How is Nhat anything but a rebel?20 I guess the Stones cancelled the weekend because Mick had laryngitis. Hey, at his age, why not just do the Milli-Vanilli thing?
21 I never really did know which guy was Milli and which guy was Vanilli.
22 Another commercial just shouted in my left ear, “Cat got your tongue?”
23 Synchronicity baby, it’s electric and everywhere.
24 Or I just turned the page in the Eye and it says November 5, which is this Sunday, but right next to it, it says “NEXT WEEKEND!”.
25 So Nhat might just hurry on to the Coliseum parking lot and wind up getting mugged this Sunday. Happy Raider fans live under bridges over in those parts.
26 You can’t be too careful.
27 Party time. Friday comes swiftly these days.
28 Rock on, see ya Monday.
29 Peace.
~H~
