Month: November 2006

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    11/30/06                                                                        Maximize
    The Daily News

    They’re everywhere…

    1  I think I’m reaching a comfort zone with idiots.

    2  It’s utterly amazing.

    3  A career in education, I ask you.

    4  Highwire acts of sheer lunacy. Daily basis.

    5  I’m thoroughly convinced that a saucer of some sort hovered over the Earth for awhile, later lowered one of those rope ladders, and a whole bunch of strange creatures invaded our schools.


    6  They walk around like they are normal, but suddenly, and without warning, you look up and somethin’ ain’t right.

    7  Somethin’ ain’t right.


    8  Around a month ago I accidentally wandered into some classroom or other, thought I was walking into a storage room.

    9  I looked around, and it was like all this huge machinery surrounding me. Huge, unidentifiable stuff, like some mad scientist’s lab, only crammed with all these odd- looking machines.

    10  I honestly thought it to be a storage room for huge, odd-looking machines. Suddenly this voice just boomed, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

    11  I looked all around, and right smack-dab in the middle of this room was this lady’s head, talking. It took me a minute to see that it was connected normally to shoulders and things, because she just blended in.

    12  I was taken quite aback, and looked around as though a voice in my head was whispering, “Is she talking to me?”

    13  The voice became louder, like Oz or something. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” The “T” in “WANT” was to-the-tooth perfect.

    14  I again didn’t say anything, staring as if she were a twelve-headed Medusa.

    15  “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”  This smarmy miss meant business this time, so I stopped spacing out long enough to deliver an answer. I wanted to say, “World peace.”

    16  But discretion again became the better half.

    17  “I, uh, was looking for a storage room.”

    18  “FOR WHAT?”

    19  “Oh, I just saw some things that needed storage and…”

    20  “WELL THERE’S NO STORAGE HERE! AND WHY DIDN’T YOU ANSWER RIGHT AWAY? I ASKED YOU THREE TIMES WHAT YOU WANTED!”

    21  Again, me with the thoughts, “What do I want? Hmm. Uh…you dead?”

    22  I just said thank you and went on my merry way.

    23  Whatever IT was returned to whatever IT was doing, VERRRY Jabba-con-Hookuh.

    24  But my friends, that was but the tip. True story. I swear on a stack of pancakes.

    25  I’m thoroughly convinced they’ve landed. Social wackos.

     
    26  Ain’t no luck.
     
    27   I learned to duck.

    28  I may just take the day off and re-group.

    29  Careful whom you talk to.

     
    30   They’re everywhere. Your job. Your life. Your classroom. Your car.
     
    32   They’re everywhere.
     
    33   Learn to duck.

    34  Peace.

    ~H~

     


     
       

     
     
     
     
     
     

     

     

     

  • The Daily News


    Albert Einstein in a silly moment.

    1  So I call up Nhat and the student directors of the show, and I’m notified that the light cues I helped set up two days ago have all been erased. What I’m going to do to be polite is simply not say too much more.

    2  The students had requested that the lights remain where they were, but the battle continues with things over at the school.

    3  It’s a shame because the students have been working very hard, and it’s rather daunting trying to get a show up without an adult director. It’s especially tough when people are un-doing the work that has already been put in place.

    4  Ah, vell.

    5  Against stupidity the very gods themselves contend in vain.

    6  Remember Fried Rich Von Schiller?

    7  Yeah, I seem to keep reverting back to that equation.

    8  I was searching for fun quotations last night and came upon this one, which has been taped down on the light board table by Jose, and has been there for years:

    “Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the universe.”

                                      –Albert Einstein

    9  Oh, I imagine.

    10  Actually, nobody really agrees on that quote. Some say “I’m not sure about the universe” while others say “I’m not sure about the former…”

    11  Either way, the senitiment is absolutely right on the money.

    12  A bunch of students trying with all their hearts to just put on a show, and somehow, every time they turn around someone somehow throws roadblocks.

    13  I’m sure it all makes sense somewhere out there, but for the life of me I don’t see why people  keep stepping in the way of these awesome students.

    14  Well, without light cues in place, they are in clear trouble.

    15  Since this project began, however, they have conquered everything that needed conquering, so it’ll be pretty fun seeing how they get to the next level.

    16  It’s like a computer game, and they just need to know how to jump across a huge crevasse.

    17  That’s “crev-AHHHs”. Mountaineering term.
     
    18  It goes with my cheap analogy in yesterday’s DN, the one about snowy woods and climbing the mountain.
    18  Well, who knows who erased their cues. No point in pointing fingers or jumping to conclusions; I’m sure it was just an honest mistake.
    20 Let’s all just blow a kiss and watch the show take off this Friday night.

    21  They are, after all, going for it with all they got.

    22   I’m confident that they’ll pass this next test with grace and confidence. So far, they’ve done consistently become stronger each time something tells them to give up.

     
    23  What they lack in experience they make up for in strength and confidence.
     
    24  This may be their biggest test.
     
    25  Diplomacy, manners, and a sense of humor are all they need at this juncture. I hope they’re reading this.
     
    26  Patience, and grace under pressure. Catching flies (or bees, right Ponch?) with honey rather than with vinegar.
     
    27  Lessons to be learned.
     
    28  Let’s wait and see.
     
    29  I say they pass this test.
     
    30  Let’s all just hope.
     
    31  Peace.

    ~H~


     

     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

  •  The Daily News

    The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
    But I have promises to keep,
    And miles to go before I sleep,
    And miles to go before I sleep.

                                                           –Robert Frost

    Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

    1  This edition of the DN is being brought to you LIVE from the Chill on the Hill, where the student directors have assembled in my office to use the paper cutter, the computer, and all manner of evil.

    2  It’s showtime, folks.

    3  Tonight I went over to YB to assist a bit in their lighting for the first all student-directed show in the school’s history.

    4  I might remind you that these guys have done this almost alone, the decision to take on the challenge, the choosing of the plays, the auditions, the first rehearsal, the tech Saturdays, the cleansing and organization of the Theatre, the moments when one actor finally makes a breakthrough, the tensions, and finally, the sitting in the Theatre as the mirror ball swirls around, and Michael Buble crooning, “Put your head on my shoulders…” stopping time, as the lights dance across the walls and the set glows with moonlight and amber lighting, jazzy perfect, and all is well…

    5  It’s later in the evening.These guys were just bonkers last night. I had brought all the directors up to the Chill on the Hill just to use the computer and stuff, but they laughed and relaxed and had a fun time. They were excited, almost in disbelief that what they have been straining and stressing about for two months is about to become a miracle. They have lots more to do, and promises to keep.

    6  And miles to go before they sleep.

    7  And miles to go before they sleep.

    8  They open Friday, not Thursday night. I think they just got to thinking that they just might not quite make it on Thursday. This is where a show starts to get so intense that directors would HAVE second thoughts if they didn’t have so much damn work to do.

    9  But it was all of them: Cam, Suny, Trinh, Sarah, and Nhat all bonding and enjoying the reality that they had almost climbed to the mountain peak. The Show is now on its way, and they are going through the madness of programs, flyers, parents who need rehearsal scheds, and all the rest.

    10  And they are scared, and yet they are so unscared you wouldn’t believe it. They fully intend to conquer that mountain. They’re stopping by the snowy woods for a breather, and a frosty moment to laugh, and to re-group. And now they see the peak, and yes, it’s a bit daunting.

    11  But they have the entire history of the Drama Workshop behind them.

    12  And they have everything else that goes with a Show.

    Those cold, crisp Winter nights.

    The City below.

    And All Good Gifts

     


            



    To the Student Directors

    We all Salute You.

    Take it home.

    Peace.

    ~H~

    trademark of quality 2

                                              

     

     

     

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  • The Daily News

    1  Okay,Thanksgiving, time for you to hit the road. It’s CHRISTMAS time!


    2  Did any of you go off and shop on “Black Friday”? Was it me, or were they WAY pushing that one on us this year? The corpse wasn’t even cold yet.

    3   I have a bit of a theory that it is intended to get us all moving and spending earlier than we normally do, and I think it’s working. I already had bought ten gifts before Thanksgiving, a new record for me.

    4  Part of it is that I don’t want to spend my entire December check by December 15, which I do every year, and then I go park myself in front of a Target and sit with a coffee can and say “God bless you” to people, even if they didn’t even sneeze. I usually get around $50 bucks before anyone even asks what my cause is. Works like a charm. I take my money and hightail it outta the parking lot as soon as anyone catches on. Great seasonal work.

    4  Moving on: Well, last night I was looking through this catalogue, which is always fun at Christmas, because I ALWAYS see stuff that I like. When I was a kid I always wanted this Coke machine, because I figured I’d have free Coke for the rest of my life. I just assumed it was an ever-flowing fountain. Why would a kid think otherwise?



    5  Yes, kids are THAT stupid. Admit you gave it some thought…

    6  Our catalogues back in those days were pretty lame. We wished for things we knew we could get:



    …for things that we HOPED we could get:



    …and for things we’d NEVER get…

    7  Somewhere around 7th grade I began hoping for more sophisticated things:


    8  Well, I’d tell Santa MOST things, but of course, he wouldn’t always listen. But we always thought it was worth a shot. This was how I felt when I was just a little turd:

    9  To be perfectly honest, Santa used to scare the bejeezus outta me. Note his glazed eyes in the picture. I think some of those Santas were boozers. But who knew?

    10  Anyway, I used to love looking through the catalogues. I’d always skip the clothes, of course, because I wanted toys. My mom would always let me wish for a while, but she’d always remind me that it was better to give than to receive, which I always agreed to, even though deep down I couldn’t wait to see what I would rip open when the time came.

    11  But the gifts in the catalogues were always pretty basic. Well! THIS year I was thumbing through this catalogue called abc distributing [sik], and was shocked when I saw some of the things that they had. This was the first thing that caught my eye:

    It’s a book. The fur you see is a Whoppee cushion. Gotta love the little poof of green smoke coming out of Fred’s ass.

    Evidently it’s the day of the big dog show, and Grandma has let Fred eat anything he wants. As a kid reads the story, he pushes on Fred, and Fred farts. $7.95. The advertising actually asks, “Will Fred be able to hold on long enough to win the blue ribbon?”

    12  I guess I was raised differently, but when I was a lad, one rarely mentioned such things in polite company, let alone in a Christmas catalogue. I decided to do a little more research and came up with a catalogue of the tackiest gifts on the market.

    13  So since there apparently are no longer any rules regarding class, I thought I’d pass on some of the worst presents you can give this holiday season. Here, for your edification, is my own Green Monday. I was going to use a different color, but let’s just keep it green. Maybe it was the smoke from Fred’s ass that inspired me. Please enjoy, these are actually REAL things I came upon both in catalogues and online. Bon Appetit! We begin Green Monday with Santa Bubble Butt:

    This Santa Bubble Butt is available at funideas.com All these gifts are under $20. Here are some more:

     
    How about FACE/BUTT Towels? Are they his and hers? Just $9.95 in the abc distributing catalogue. Or, if you can’t afford that, there’s always

    BUTT/FACE soaps, $5.95, also available I think from the abc distributing catalogue, as well as from Urban Outfitters. Or maybe you’d like to get that special someone a Remote Control Farting Teddy Bear for just
    $7.95.

    Ya gotta love the look on that lucky guy’s face. Music to his ears, undoubtedly. I love the special spelling of the fart sound: TPHPTH!! Who knew?

    Here’s a little fun from funideas.com

    Yep! You can get THIS awesome wrapping paper for a mere pittance.

    And there’s more on that website:



    There’s THIS cheery fellow.

    Who does this:

    Gotta love that ad. “He turns to give you a Special Surprise”, capitalized!

    There’s more!

    This guy sings “Jingle Smells” and farts when you
    squeeze his tail. Nothin’ like class, huh?



    These three all poop your favorite candy. Of course they can’t SAY
    it’s M & M’s, but don’t they just make perfect sense?



    I think you can get the entire lot for under $15.

    Well, it’s getting late, so let me just leave you with the last two:

    First, we have this little plastic outhouse. Here is the exact wording:

    Ever wonder what Santa does when nature calls? He stops off at a Redneck Restroom, a finely detailed outhouse that shakes, rattles and rolls as the occupied
    (aka Bubba Claus) let’s out 10 “toots” and funny outhouse phrases, including:

      

    • “No wonder everybody hates fruitcake.”
    • “Do you smell what I smell?”
    • “Time to unload Santa’s bag!”

    and finally, the poop de gras,
    Pull My Finger Santa!

    This oughta bring Joy to the World. You just do as his name says, and you’ll hear the following outbursts:

    • (fart) “That’s all you’re getting for Christmas!”
    • (fart) “Was THAT on your list?”
    • (fart) “Ah, the holiday smells!”
    • “Ho…ho…(fart)!”
    • ” (fart) “THERE’S a gift for ya!”
    • (fart) “Come sit on my lap!”
    14  That’s about it! I just thought you might enjoy Green Monday, just to set you up for some early Holiday cheer! Forget Black Friday, just go to funideas.com, or any of the others, and you’ll never have to Christmas shop again, because you won’t have any friends!

    15  Happy Green Monday!

    16  Cheers!

    17  And, of course, Peace.

    ~H~

                

       

        

      


     

     

       

  •  The Daily News
     
    tru 4 alt
    Robert Altman, 1925-2006
     
    1  So…Robert Altman walks into a bar…


    2   Amazing film director. So it goes. So it goes.

    3  Well, I’ve been a fly on a drape at the YB Theatre lately. I’ve gone down and watched the Show develop. I’m astounded at the work the students have donewith very little adult help.

    4  When I really analyze it, this is the first all-student directed Show in the school’s history.

    5  Last night I was invited to assist in breaking the performance proper into its processes and procedures.

    6  I never realized that I did all THAT.

    7  Anyway, we met at the school and Tracy Wolcott was kind enough to let the students use her room for rehearsal. had the pleasure of watching Misty and Jamie reprise a wonderful play called Bedtime, a one-act we did several years back with Maggie and Nancy.

    8  They are bringing Bedtime back, and it’s sweeter than ever. The acting was just wonderful, and it was a kick hearing all those sweet lines again, and then watching this crew of amazing student directors meeting and discussing it artistically.

    9  They want to kick ass. May I say that again? They want to kick ass.

    10  Last week they just wanted to get the Show to the stage. Now they are working and huddling and totally planning on taking no prisoners.

    11  They’ve been planning, organizing, arguing, respecting, and really, loving working together on one of the greatest challenges of all time with regards to the Workshop. Bottom line: they all want it to work. They want the Drama Workshop. They’re making an excellent case for keeping it.
                                                         

    12  My analysis: they will, and it will kick ass, and it will be a defining moment, and quite possibly, a statement to any of us who ever gave up on anything. These guys have given it everything they have, and are now reaching to the stars for a Show that has become more than a Show, and I am absolutely in awe of how hard and sincere they have been working.

    13  The Show is called Behind Closed Doors, a bit of an Oooh-la-la title. They have chosen some wonderful plays to perform. Last night they were up until at least 10:30 planning the sound design. I was in on that session, and these guys each had a legal pad, and each director had an entire page filled from top to bottom.

    14  They open this a week from tomorrow. They’re getting way excited. We all sat in Nhat’s car in the parking lot adjacent to the Starbucks up by my school, and listened to over 50 songs and sound effects, and they meticulously planned out the sound design. Nhat has helped immeasurably, and has emerged as a very talented sound designer.

    15  Their ideas flew every which way, bouncing off windows and doors, and circulating all through the night. “They ” included Cam, Suny, Nhat, Trinh, and from a cell, Sarah, all just talking, planning, and wanting the very best for the Show. All student directors. All working on a miracle that even I gave up on. They didn’t want the Workshop to die. They are my heroes. They are my personal warriors. And now, officially, in my eyes, they are artists in the truest sense of the word. This could be the most meaningful Show ever, because they did this. They did this, and I’m so proud of them that words escape me.

    16  They are fine-tuning, and this Show may just be a huge surprise. These students are artists of the highest degree, and it is simply amazing thinking that they will open in a week.

    17  Just…stay tuned. This could really rock.

    18  Anyway, that’s about it for Thanksgiving Eve.  I’m gonna go now, because I have to get up early to have a minimum day.

    19  I also have a turkey to stuff.

    20  I stick my neck out for nobody.

    21  And I do, my friend, have a saloon to run.

    22.  So let’s get it started.

    23   Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everybody, and then come out and support the Show.

    24  And PK, stand by…

    25  Peace.

    ~H~



      

     

     

     

     

     

    stay tuned…

     

     

     

     

    www.xanga.com/bharrington

     

     

      

  •  The Daily News
     

    I’ve named this fellow Socrates.

    1  “I don’t know; the world has gone crazy.”

                                                                      –David Letterman

    2  The man is a sage.

    3  Well now this is always a fun thing.

    4  I had written an entire DN last night, and was done at 12:30, and realized that for some idiotic reason, I hadn’t saved anything I wrote.

    5  It’s just as well.

    6  It had nothing to do with that GREAT monkey at the top of the page.

    7  I was just monkeying around online and saw that, figured he had to be a headliner.

    8  Good times.

    9  I didn’t even care what the DN was going to be about as long as that guy was headlining.
     
    10  Smart guy, that monkey. Wise beyond his years.
     
    11  He’s thinkin’: “Today is a classic example of why Tuesdays need to be eliminated altogether.
     
    12  “Nobody is taking today seriously, unless they are under the thumb of some sourpuss dickwad boss or professor. Two words: blanket game.” 
     
    13  Hey, I never said that. I’m far too moral. The monkey said that. I thought he ought really to have a name. I checked his demeanor, style, and everything else he exudes, and decided his name should be Socrates. No reason, it’s just that the chimp got game.

    10  If I stuck a picture of the REAL Socrates up there, that monkey would look smarter.

    11  Here:


     
    12  Personally I prefer the monkey.
     
    13  Was Socrates gay? That coiffed beard and cutesy thing with the sideburns would indicate so. Plus he enjoyed wearing robes and hanging with thoughtful men.

    14  Doesn’t matter, of course. It’s just that the monkey looks better than Socrates, but this is coming from a layperson.
     
    15  I am curious…was Socrates gay…hmmm…

    16  Because if he was, he never got any men.

    17  Well, LOOK at him.
     
    18  M’bad.

    19  Moving on:  So…Michael Richards’ career walks into a bar…

    20  I don’t know; the world has certainly gone crazy.

    21  I have a theory about today.
     
    22  Here is my theory: I think what people are going to spend today doing is they are going to hide out and get as little work done as possible, so that tomorrow they can officially take off early.

    23  Some theory. 
     
    24  So I guess getting a late-night DN out isn’t so bad. 

    25  Well, thank goodness for Socrates.

    26  I think I’ll leave now.

    27  Don’t work to hard. In fact, don’t work at all.

    28  It’s turkey time. Yeah it’s a day early, but you might as well do what everyone else does, which is go do whatever you do today and really, just watch that clock.

    29  Gobble, gobble. Spend the day hiding. Somehow, hide. Then go home.

    30  Peace.


    ~H~


     

     

    trademark of quality




     

     

    http://www.xanga.com/bharrington


     

  •  The Daily News

    jerry 1
    The very amazing Jerry Rice.

    1  Sometimes there are just some things that simply defy a normal day.

    2  Yesterday was one such day.

    3  Okay, okay, so I’m a Niner fan, but I’m a REAL Niner fan, born into a family of season ticket holders. I never had a chance.

    4  It hasn’t been a particularly fun last few years. I watched the team faithfully, every week. I grew up with this team, worked for this team, and that has been a huge part of our family for years. I was on the forty-yard line when The Catch happened, and I was with family and friends from my childhood, all of whom were rabid Niner fans. We loved The Catch, but like REAL fans, sat still while Dallas almost came back. Then Lawrence Phillips forced a fumble and we got the ball, and THEN I knew my team would at last be in the Super Bowl. What a moment!

    5  Yesterday I went up to Candlestick Park to work the Niners/Seattle game, a game which featured Jerry Rice retiring as a 49er. What was my favorite Jerry Rice moment? All of them. And riding up yesterdy, the entire freeway was red and gold, balloons, flags, and smiles.

    6  I was just going up past Santa Clara and moving through Palo Alto when I noticed that at least TEN cars all around me had NIner flags, and the people were clearly gearing up for a huge game at Candlestick.

    7  It reminded me of the classic Super Bowl seasons, when we left for a game and everybody on the freeway seemed to be Niner fans on the way to yet another victory.

    8  Yesterday the place got swarmed by classic Nincer fans, who probably wound up playing a huge part in the victory over the Seahawks.

    9  Everything felt special. The new team has officially arrived, and yesterday signified the beginning of a whole new era. Well, at least it seemed like that. There was football in the air yesterday. Classic.

    10  Can I put it into words? Nah, not really. It’s just that my folks are enormous fans, and we all remember the five Super Bowl rings, and of all the great times. They can’t go out to the games any longer, but I called on the way up and reported all the cool cars and spirit that was palpable by the time I hit the stadium. This was at around 8:30 in the morning!

    11  So without trying to go there, because I feel a tad guilty about not covering the A’s a lot better, I just want people to know that yesterday was a very special day at Candlestick Park.

    12  I have the game recorded, and I think I’m going to sign off this morning, but please realize it’s not a plug for Rice, or for the Niners, or for anything more than being thankful for all the wonderful times loving, laughing,and cheering with my family, and of our team’s re-emergence.

    13  It was just a day for NIner fans, and I just happened to think of all the glory days, and the fact that we may be on the brink of a new team and still more memories.

    14  Oh, it can be argued that this team we have now wins on flukes and an enormously talented running back. All true. But that wasn’t the point. Yesterday I saw pom-pons and streamers, cars packed with tailgating stuff, and the parking lot had a playoff feel filled with barbecues, balloons, music, and lots of GREAT cheer, and this was at nine in the morning!

    15  Rice, Walsh, Eddie DeBartolo were all at the game, and everyone who worked there in an executive capacity was dressed right out of the Godfather. Guys named Bruno and Freddy walked around with ear buds. The cheerleaders looked cheery, the bars were teaming with screams and cursing, and the game took everyone into it’s own stirring climax: a ridiculous fumble by the guy who broke the all-time Niner rushing record, followed immediately by an interception to put the Seahawks away.

    16  Beyond that, it was a real Homecoming, a great precursor to Thanksgiving, and even if you’re a Raider fan, you can understand this very special day the same way I as a Niner fan enjoyed and loved when John Madden got put into the Hall: it was a great day for the Bay Area.

    17  So this goes out to Jerry, and to mom, dad, my entire family, and to the rest of the Niner Faithful out there.

    18  I guess you can go home again.

    19   Peace.

     

                                                                                   ~H~

                                                  

                                                             trademark of quality

     

     

     

                                                                                      

     

     

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  • The Daily News



    1  I want to apologize for a lot of the editing errors that seem to have been permeating the DN this year.

    2  It seems that I write, re-write, and then transfer it from Mozilla Firefox back over to AOL, and somewhere between that and your basic senilty, I lose letters, misplace modifiers, and dangle participles.

    3  I don’t much mind the misplaced modifiers; it’s the participles that are dangling that certainly cause more than their fair share of concern.

    4  Don’t hold your breath waiting for it to get better. I usually read it the night before I put it to bed, and then drift off into a sort of Care Bear dreamland.



    5  In the morning I’m always fresher and more alert, crisp, and with all participles lined up and standing at full attention.
    6  It’s then that I jump in and say to myself, “Self, that sentence needs the active case. Stand and deliver!”
    7  I then move into my action plan, which is to hammer this out with rat-a-tat precision so that by the time it gets delivered, it is alert, humorous, poignant, and right on the money.

    8  AOL then steps in and jumps up and down, splits sentences, refuses to center any of the pictures, and misbehaves like a red-headed stepchild.

    9  It is then that the clock begins moving to departure time for the Chill-on-the-Hill.

    10  But I swear to you I’m working out the bugs.

    11  I should have this little guy up and working in no time.

    12  You oughta see me send e-mails to the faculty. I actually write about six test runs so that I don’t sound like the village idiot, and every single time I write something to them and send it off, there is some imbecilic thing that goes out accidentally.

    13  Yesterday I sent my Camp Everytown nomination forms out to the staff. For some reason, I think every e-mail I sent all day was clipped to the one I sent. Or something. I always send one to myself just to mock myself.

    14  My e-mail had a table on a second page, no reason except that I forgot to delete it. And the e-mail seemed to resemble a stack of papers that were separated by bubble gum.

    15  I just figure, “Meh.”

    16  It drives me crazy though, because like anyone, I wanna make a good impression on all these people who don’t mean anything to me.

    17  Ever been in that sort of situation? You’re busting your chops to impress people who barely notice you and then you do something that makes you look like you oughta be put in stocks?

    18  And I ALWAYS over-react, which is WAY out of my character.

    19  I jump in the air, turn around, and shout out expletives. I then throw coffee cups against the wall and try to throw Post-its all over the room, but they wind up just sticking to my head and arms and stuff.

    20  And then there are the 20 S.W.A.T team members surrounding the place, and the nice man with the bullhorn.

    21  I’m okay though. I just calm it all by listening to the TeeVee going on behind me.

    22  Elton John is on Barbara Walters right now singing, “I don’t have much money, but boy if I did; I’d buy a big house where we both could live…”

    23  I swear that just happened. It’s unrelated to anything I’m writing, and sort of random, but I thought it was a nice background to all of this. Ah, maybe it was related. Who cares anyway?

    24  The thing is, I always have TeeVee blasting behind me and to the side of me, two different rooms. So the DN constantly is bombarded by media. I sort of like it, because it keeps me over-stimulated and A.D.D to the max. I’m like a little kid who suddenly notices an old toy and gets distracted by it’s newfound spark.

    25  Oh, and I always crank my neck to look at the TeeVee. Barbara is having a special about how terrific she is, and she asked Donald Trump something, but I couldn’t get past his combover. How can anyone take that goofball seriously?



    26  And THEN she started asking something like fifteen men about their first sexual encounters. Every guy talked frankly about it.

    27  You gotta wonder a little about the matron of the View.

    28  She has a bunch of questions she is asking famous men about their personal lives, and seems downright probing about it.

    29  Makes me wonder if she was Barbara Wallflower when she was younger.

    30  A commercial for Wal-Mart just came on, almost poetically. Hard to describe but this is all coming at me so fast.

    31  I actually like Barbara Walters.

    32  I offer that out just in case she reads this and wants to come over for an interview.

    33  And if she starts to probe, I’ll just excuse myself and tell her I’m editing the DN, and that please, I can’t be bothered.

    34  And that’s the way it is.

    35  Good night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.

    36  Have a great weekend.

    37  Peace.


    ~H~


      


     



      

  •  The Daily News


    This guy is arguably the
     stupidist fellow on the planet.

    1   You know, it’s old news, and it’s like at this point, who really cares? But O.J. Simpson is either guiltier than sin, or he is the biggest public idiot in history.

    2  And if I were a parent of someone that was tragically murdered that night, I’d want to cut his nuts off with a searing knife regardless at this phase in the story.

    3  Just on stupidity alone he should become a mononut.

    4  Well, that’s about all the press I intend to throw that way. But I just had to throw that in.

    5   Moving on: New show: Daybreak. Personal review: Gonna be a great show.

    6  I actually have nothing to base that on except that it sounds cool in the background as I write this stuff. Some guy keeps living his life over and over again. Or something.

    7  I kept cranking my neck last night trying to watch the show.

    8   All of a sudden “Here Comes Santa Claus” just came on the TeeVee.

    9   Don’t even TELL me that it’s Christmas season already.

    10  Actually, it’s a lot easier this year than in years past. I remember the days of directing a Show. It seemed that summer had just ended, and that we’d begin the Fall show a few weeks in. I’d go into the Show like a madman in a fun house, ideas flying about like confetti, and ideas generating ideas, and nothing but insanity going full blast at locomotive speed.


    11 But inevitaby I’d find myself with eyes popping out, ready to blow an aorta by Thanksgiving. I would be so exhausted that nothing would make sense but another rehearsal. My eyes would go bloodshot, and the would dart everywhere searching for a back door out of the joint, which I would find, stumble through, and then wander aimlessly looking for some sort of sign…

    12  I remember one Show I was so blown away that I wandered out of the Theatre and looked off into the trees, and there, high up in this one cherry tree, was a huge Santa head with a huge Santa smile. It was the classic Coke guy, staring down from the trees like those weird ghosts you read about. He was holding a Coke up in a cheery salute.


    13  My eyes were blurred from exhaustion, and I thought it looked so WEIRD. It was like Santa’s head was BIG, and in a tree. All you saw was the tree, and just his hand and head floating in the cherry tree. I thought I was seeing things, because it was enormous, and a little scary.
    14  It turned out that it was a Coca-Cola truck with Santa’s face huge on the side, and it was just making deliveries. There was an opening in the cherry tree and that face just stared across the quad in this menacing, mocking fashion. I  stared back, the sun beating down on me even though it was supposedly Winter. Santa Claus. Red face. Fierce.

    15  Coca-Cola.


    16  Eventually Pepsi got the school district gig, but I’ll never forget seeing Santa staring down and my thinking, “There’s Santa. Dude.” It always let me know that the Show was almost here, this mocking, screaming thing called Christmas always told me that I was not going to make it.

    17  Directing. Ugh. No time for thing like Christmas. Ugh. Must get Show up. AH! THANKSGIVING! NO TIME FOR THANKSGIVING! MUST GET SHOW UP! TOSS! TURN! NO SLEEP! MUST GET SHOW UP!!!

    18  But I would return to the Theatre after my first Santa sighting and space out in a buzzy fashion thinking about all six trillion things I needed to get done. And I’d sit and stare and get nothing done, because it would be so overwhelming.

    19  Ugh. Ugh. Lovely time with family. Ugh Ugh. Gotta get back to Show…ugh.

    20  And I’d look back out to the cherry trees in the distance and see Santa floating again.

    21  Usually a week would have gone by  and I wouldn’t have noticed. And I would then pull out all stops, realize that the break would revitalize all my jets, and I’d somehow manage to blast through and have a great Show.

     
    22  That’s directing in a nutshell.

    23  I gottago. I’m not directing, but just expressing that took everything out of me.

    24  Too…tired…to think.

    24  Happy Christmas everybody.

    25  It’s NOT?  Well, then thanks for the information.

    26  Has anyone else seen Santa floating in the cherry trees?

    27  I think I’ll go now.

    28  Peace.

    29  Happy Christmas.

    30  Oh. It’s NOT?

     

                                                               pause 2

     

               ~H~
     
     
     
                     
     
     
                    

                                                       http://www.xanga.com/bharrington

     



  • The Daily News


    Kiss today good-bye…

    1  So…the hopes of bringing the Olympics to the Bay Area walk into a bar…
    2  Oh, well…

    3  If they ever integrated football and baseball the Santa Clara 49ers would be playing the Fremont A’s in what would sound like the next step would be playing the Coalinga Bucs on cotton candy night.

    4  So it goes, so it goes…

    5  The Olympics cost me a pretty penny in souvie money.

    6  Oh, well…

    7  Sparky came and visited today; in fact, I saw Sparks, Peter, and Vivien all at the same exact moment. I’m used to being surrounded by new faces, so the familiar was instantly, well, familiar.

    8  It’s difficult to see people these days, and it was very nice to see some familiar faces.

    9  We jumped over to YB and watched the rehearsal for the play. I was amazed at how well things have been going! Four student directors were hanging in there through all the stresses and insanities that naturally run through a show, and I saw some really fun things going on.

    10  What made me really proud was that they had trained a younger tech crew to build and paint and all. I gave a few minor pointers, but those guys really had much of it under control.

    11  I don’t want to jinx those guys, but they all stayed very late and just kept working their hearts out. It’s beginning to show in all aspects of the production, and it’s wonderful to see the Workshop busily building a show that is seemingly impossible.

    12  Yet every time I go in there it gets better and better.

    13  Their time is restricted and that’s the biggest challenge so far.

    14  I saw some red faces, red cheeks, exhausted eyes, but a tremendously live spirit at the end of the night, which went long.

    15  I want publicly to salute all the students who have brought the Workshop this far after it had essentially ceased two months ago. They all should be tremendously proud of their production.

    16  The Show is entitled Behind Closed Doors and consists of five one-act plays, each of which is wonderfully written and really fun!

    17  I’m proud of all the sacrifices and hard work those students have put in.

    18  And it was awfully fun seeing Sparky helping out once again. His presence has been missed by many of us for quite some time.

    19  That’s about it, just reporting today from the front.

    20  It all looks good to go.

    21  As they say in the business, wish me luck, the same to you…

    22  But I won’t forget.

    23  Peace.


                                



    ~H~