October 23, 2006
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The Daily News
1 So…Jane Wyatt walks into a bar…2 So it goes; so it goes.
3 I’m quite happy to report that our entire Homecoming went off without a hitch! I’d love to take credit for it, but the students ran everything. Oh, I delegated pretty efficiently, but when push came to shove, they did it.
4 We pulled off a one-hour rally that saw over 2,500 students down to the football field, and all sports teams introduced, four class skits and dances, and cheering everywhere. The whole place rocked, and the day just flew.
5 One thing that confused me though was the lack of balloons. I asked a student, and she reported that the stores said there was a helium shortage!
6 Huh? I guarantee YB had balloons!
7 I was stunned, and decided to look into it.
8 I found this WAY serious website called the International Business Times, which has an article that was dated Monday, Oct. 23, 2006. Uh…isn’t that today? Well anyway I read it yesterday. I’ll spare you the details, but the headline literally read thus:
HELIUM SHORTAGE COULD BE A PARTY POOPER
9 Evidently, it’s true. It’s all political, and it looks as though we get our best helium from Algeria or something, I kid you not. And I guess for whatever reason, there seems to be a shortage.
10 Am I out there?
11 It has to do with energy and all sorts of other things.
12 I feel very strongly that the time has come for us to end this dependence on foreign helium.
13 I say we march. I say we take a stand. This is an outrage. It’s downright un-American. Who are these infidels anyway? Are they trying to take over the world?
What’s next? Color me a tad worried.
14 Without helium, how are we going to decorate for spirit activities?15 Without helium, how are we going to float in the sky and drink white wine?
14 Without helium, how are students going to suck back balloons and talk like Donald Duck?
14 No helium. There would never have been a Teddy Ruxpin.
14 No helium. It’s downright un-American.
15 I stand agog. I’ll have to find something else to inflate my ego.
16 I think Clinton had a commercial with people cheering about us becoming free from our dependency on foreigh helium.
17 I wish we had Superman at times like these. Where is the Man of Steel when we need him?
18 Wait! Look! Up in the sky…19 It’s a bird…
20 It’s a plane…it’s
21 Superman!
22 The world seems safe again. The helium is flowing, and children are again talking like Donald Duck.23 Life returns to normal. Elmo is liberated to float over the Rose Bowl. All is well and peaceful. America can breathe again!
24 Well, that was a close one, America!25 Have a great Monday!
26 Peace.
