October 15, 2006
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The Daily News
1 So Freddy Fender walks into a bar...2 Well, podners, so it goes, so it goes.
3 It's Spirit Week! Both YB AND EVHS are having their Homecoming this week, so hold onto your hats and streamers!
4 YB begins today with the Sophomores doing Las Vegas! Tomorrow the Freshmen will follow with Super Heroes of YB. Wednesday the Juniors are going to bring Who You Going to Call? followed by Thursday the mighty Seniors throwing in a Road Trip Gone Wrong.
5 At the Chill on the Hill, EVHS is splitting all themes into games, so each class is a game, like Candyland, (Freshmen) Clue (Sophs!), Monopoly (Juniors, and I'm told the entire group was inspired by YB's Class of '07!), and the Seniors finish it up with Jumanji. They have lunch games and fun all week and then the whole school does a huge decoration thing on Friday, with different buildings getting decorated fully, and we have this HUGE "assembly" out on the football field, and lots of fun everywhere!
6 I'm not allowed to call it a rally, however, so I won't.
7 Their gym holds like 749 or something, so the assembly, which demands moving almost 2500 students to the football field, will be rather interesting.
8 Well! I think that's enough of the school news! Let's see what's happening in the REAL world.
9 (He reads. Earthquake in Hawaii. Ag crime. Wars. WAIT! Here's a fun tidbit...)
10 And Now, Da News that fits: AOL just informed me that they took technology and found that George Washington no longer looks strikingly like like Barbara Bush, or even like a postage stamp.
11 They have digitally re-done something or other to get a better idea of what Washington looked like, even though they had guys who could draw back in the day. As the Old Brown Shoe of journalistic photo scoops, I have the first digitally re-mastered pictures of George Washington, right here, right now on the good ol' DN!!! Pretty good lookin' fellow, he.So here, ladies and gents, for YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE, is the first digitally re-mastered new George. Any others you see on any other media you must file in your "BOGUS" file. Those are conterfeets, lemme just say. This guy here is the real deal. THIS, LADEEZ AND GENTS, IS THE DIGITALLY RE-MASTERED GEORGE WASHINGTON! SEE BELOW!
Ol' Georgie was hot stuff back in the day, yeah?
12 I know what you're thinkin'. He seems to have "bloomed". What do you expect from a
kid who cut down a cherry tree? Hahahahahahaha!13 They actually worked off a drawing submitted by Paz Rocha when he was but a wee lad, before he became a big shot at Goon Zaga. Here is the drawing that experts recently found, and that they eventually digitally re-mastered for your viewing playzhure:
14 I'm pretty sure Paz was a Senior when he did this piece, but please don't hold me to that.15 The original artwork they tried to use was this one:
16 Word on the street is that Washington thought this painting a bit too swishy, and snapped his frilly hanky at the artist's booty. The artist responded with a roundhouse right to the nose, which clearly already was crooked enough, and that he later stole George's hosiery before departing for the Pokonos.17 No pun intended.
18 Anyway, I read that about George Washington.
19 Moving on: I'm gonna step out of here for a second and go have dinner. I'm actually writing the DN early tonight so I won't be up until 2 a.m. and awakening at 5 a.m. I decided that's WAY too much like work, and I may just go to Hawaii for a Pineapple shake.
20 M'bad.
21 Wonderous, really. The DN. Just wonderous. Who writes this stuff anyway?
22 I always claim that it ain't me. In my younger days, I used to get rip-roaring drunk and write this. I was convinced my mind was being taken over by Hemingway, or maybe Alfred E. Neuman, or even Moe. You really shouldn't drink. Turns you into a mindless breathy fit of toxic iodine and some phegmy bird flu. Hemingway spent the goodly part of his later life with Shoes-in-the-Dryer Head.
Here is a rare picture of Alfred E. Neuman dressed
like Heidi. Go figure.
22 And what do you MEAN "Which Moe?" There's only ONE Moe, just like there's only one Hemingway.
23 And that is with all due respect to Simpson's fans. There is only one Moe, sorry folks. And he's the guy in the middle. Great picture of the Stooges, wouldn't you say?
24 All right, I imagine I could see how you may have thought I was talking about the other Moe. And to be sure, either guy would have been involved in my mental state back in the goodly days of drunken idiocy. Here's the other Moe, just to give props where props must be given. This guy rules too!
25 Ah, all Moes rule. That explains the popularity for...are you ready?
26 MOETOWN!
!
GOOD LAWD WHAYA IS THIS HEADED???
27 NOTE: The Mangagement of the DN is no longer responsible for anything heretofore written and publication of this disclaimer removes the DN from any responsibility for any Monday morning mind turning to mush as a result of all this lunacy.
28 Please enjoy your day. See ya Freddy. Maybe next time man.29 Piece. Have a pie.
~H~
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