The Daily News
Both these Bums is OUTTA HERE!
1 Ya gotta love the Yankees AND the Dodgers getting outta here on the same day! Ya just gotta.
2 A's fans, it looks like the real deal to me. GO A'S!
3 And Niner fans, you just may have something to look forward to in the coming years.
4 And Raider fans, nothing like a fluke to get your team on the wrong end of the score. But fear not, your guys looked better than they have anyway. At least that.
5 Ah, good ol' sports.
6 Sunday, lovely Sunday. It was great having a nice day with nothing going on. I could be mistaken, but I think it's the very first I've had since this madness flew at me right after I went to Mars.
7 My vision has gone from normal to prism, splitting eveything I look at into a multitude of colors, some so numerous it feels overwhelming.
8 Overall, it's just an amazing time. Zany. Like sneezing into soapflakes.
9 That's not me, that's Vonnegut.
10 He said that about madness. As I recall, his son Mark went a few rounds with madness, and when he recovered, reported that to his dad, that madness is like sneezing into soapflakes.
11 Well, I imagine. I imagine. 
12 In some ways it's really all just like honking a clown's nose when you put it in perspective with North Korea blowing up nukes, or of Iraq slinging bullets and bombs at anyone and anything. Or the entire salad conspiracy. Suddenly, we can't have spinach OR lettuce.
13 So that does it. I'm just going to keep my nose to the grindstone of trying to juggle bowling balls while balanced on a Piilates ball, all the time tossing sharp mixed metaphors at my volunteers and various loonies. The circus act and clown noses are a lot more fun than worrying about salads, bullets, shrapnel, nukes, spinach and such.
14 I KNEW there was a reason to eat hot Cheetos and to guzzle dented cans of Pepsi. Heck, you can get hit on the nose by an ICBM, just like that! And poof! Where are ya then?
15 Speaking of clowns, Arnold and what's his face, Dennis-the-Menace's father just had a debate, and that guy started turning all red and showing us what a strong fellow he is. If only the REAL Dennis-the-Menace's father were running...
16 I imagine.
17 Yep.
18 Oh, I imagine.
19 It's really sort of funny sitting back and watching all the insanity going on all around. It's like I just look up from what I'm doing, whatever that might be, and listen for a sec, and then put my nose back into my work. And then I prism once more. It's really quite cosmic.
20 I mean, I'm really too busy to worry about spinach and nukes and Arnold and Dennis-the_Menace, or even his goofy-looking dad running for governor. I have my deadlines, and they just won't go away.
21 Why, I need to get the DN out by tomorrow morning at 5 a.m. for one thing, or something fierce might happen.
22 So I'd love to stay and chat about Monday and about lettuce or spinach or about getting hit in the nose by ICBM's, or even about clown noses, but life is just too busy and serious for me even to look up. Honk.
23 So sports fans, you all take it easy and don't pay any attention to any of this nonsense.
24 It too shall pass.
25 I'm busy. See ya Tuesday.
26 Peace.
~H~
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