September 8, 2006
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The Daily News
...and in the middle of the celebration I break down...1 Everyone seems to be losing their mind these days. The following people are
losing their minds, according to the tabloids: Bill Clinton and Laura Bush.2 Their spouses (is that translated into "spice"?) are both presidential candidates.
3 Well, I guess maybe it's just the times. People who seemed perfectly normal
suddenly so mixed up by everything that they can't even think straight.4 It's a good thing there are people like me and uh...uh...d00d.
5 I think I'm losing my marbles.
6 Oh well, there are other marbles that are just as good.
7 Paris Hilton clearly is losing HER marbles. She got a DUI, claiming only having had one drink as she sped her way to In 'n' Out Burgers because she was so hungry.
8 Poor little innocent thing had one little drinky-poo.
9 Ah, the role models are out there slaughtering themselves like pigs in a poke. They have no idea what they even look like anymore. They've lost all touch. So sad to see.10 Ain't that just the world though.
11 Moving on: In the past couple of days I've been visited by people, and it has been really nice seeing you all. Sometimes it feels like I died, but that I'm still talking to people, sort of like Bruce Willis in that good ol' creeper The Sixth Sense.
12 I always goof on the fact that not only in that movie, but in a lot of reading I've done about ghosts and stuff that the dead don't know when they're dead. I first REALLY goofed on that when I did a 360 on the freeway right as I was entering to go to Jenny's wedding rehearsal.
13 Some lady almost swiped me and I pulled the steering wheel to the right, and the TOONDRA spun completely around and flew up an embankment, then came back down so that it was facing traffic. I was pretty shaken, but not stirred.
14 I wasn't speeding or anything; it was misty out, sort of like the street had a slight bit of rain and dirt on it, just enough to make it eerily slippery. Once I was into the spin, I knew that all I could do was sit there while it went out of control.
15 Eventually I righted everything and continued on my way, thanking God and Jay-zuss that I was okay, that I had a second lease.
16 And that was the first time it occurred to me: hmm, am I REALLY still alive, or is this like the Sixth Sense?
17 Such a weird thought man. And while I was hiking at Cascade Falls, my foot hit a rock and the entire clump of rocks and grass gave way from the rains, and I slipped and cracked my head and back against the huge granite slab. My head literally bounced hard, and once more I thought...about stuff.
18 And now after all that I suddenly have this new dawn, this new existence, this new day, and I have that Michael Buble CD up in my office, the only CD I remember to bring in there. Sometimes it feels as though an entire life HAS gone, and I'm somewhere completely new, and really awesome. I know that hurts the kids back at YB to hear that, but it I feel that all my experiences in this life have led me to this new place I'm in. I'm not in my space anymore.
19 And it's a little bit funny.
20 That's all. Like every experience in my life has led me to where I am now, and I'm at complete peace. And I mean that in all sincerity. Everything that has happened in my life has mysteriously led me to this.
21 And I'm feelin' good.
22 That's the goody.
23 I'm finally at peace with everything.
24 Thanks for listening.
25 Peace.
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