May 25, 2006
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The Daily News
THIS guy is the American Idol????
1 Amazing. The winner of this year's American Idol is the bastard son of Jay Leno.
2 Hahahaha!!
3 M'bad.
4 Man I've been outta town!
5 Ryan "I-Don't-Quite-Want-to-Shave-So-I-Look-Scruffy-Chic" Seacrest said that over 63 million people voted for their favorite American Idol.
6 Hey, they oughta just do Presidential Elections that way. Make those bastards sing. Let Simon decide:
7 American Idol, I swear.
8 And now they're making clone shows.
9 A GREAT clone show would be American Midol, in which you get a BUNCH of girls on their periods each month and let Simon just TRY to be sarcastic and snide.
10 That guy would head for the hills in a New York heartbeat.
11 Moving on: you know what I caught myself doing the other day? I was at Carrow's, right?
12 I was having breakfast with my daughter.
13 The waiter came by and I told him I wanted some breakfast or other, but that I didn't want the pancakes.
14 He said, "Certainly. Would you like fruit instead?"
15 I just said, "Nah, I'm just not that hungry." And I just wasn't.
16 But for some reason, Americans eat SO much that the guy couldn't think along those lines. It was like I HAD to have WAY too much food or he might get fired. "Would you like twice as many hash browns?"
17 "Well, can I get a milkshake?"
18 The guy looked at me funny. THAT just wasn't possible. Two extra pieces of buttered toast, yes. Fried shredded potatoes, yes. Fruit, yes.
19 But no sir, no milkshakes for breakfast, sir. Are you some sort of Communist sir?
20 I said, "It's okay. I'll just have the breakfast without the pancakes."
21 Twelve seconds later he returned with a bowl of fruit.
22 Later on I noticed I do this: I'll eat like an egg and a half, hash browns, three pieces of toast, and even steal someone else's saltines from their soup, but I'll ALWAYS leave around a twentieth of an egg and half a piece of toast, and maybe an inch of bacon, just so the waiter doesn't think I'm a pig.
23 It's hilarious. Yeah, like I couldn't squeeze that last inch of bacon down. Oh, HAAAAAIL nah. I'm stuffed there, padre.
24 I always worry about what other people think.
25 I don't really care what other people think.
26 I don't know WHAT I think.
27 Haha!
28 American Midol
29 Yeesh.
30 Have a great day.
31 Peace.
Taylor Hicks, Senior.
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