December 7, 2005
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The Daily News
here's lookin' at you, kid...
1 So there ya go.
2 I was ten.
3 This is from the Millbrae Sun, a long, long time ago.
4 Cost: priceless.
5 Haha! Amazing.
6 Sorry there's no date.
7 I always had trouble getting dates.
8 M'bad.
9 So stupid.
10 Moving on: I asked my classes if what they could tell me about Edgar Allan Poe yesterday. Among other things, each class had some guy telling me that Poe chopped off his ear to impress a girl.
11 First off, Poe had nothing to do with cutting of his ear. It was Van Gogh who cut off his ear. Why he did isn't clear, but the story of his argument with Gaugin and subsequent cut and paste in a gift box to a prostitute sounds the most plausible. Let's just leave it at that.
12 I love that kids can now just mix up two such extraordinarily different men. Nobody seems to care that in three of five classes, some kid thought Poe had cut off his ear and mailed it to a dame.
13 It's refreshing to know that absolutely nobody gives a hoot about accuracy any longer. I'm hoping I can begin a whole new course of history that never happened.
14 A broken-hearted Munchkin killed himself in the 1939 MGM film The Wizard of Oz. Why, of COURSE that happened. Why? Because I heard it did.
15 That never happened. I am a frequent flyer to snopes.com, a website that blows apart urban myths and misunderstandings.
16 Here is a list of rumors that snopes.com has proven false. Still, they seem to persist. Following is a list of things that are a) current rumors, and b) absolutely untrue:
Disposable chopsticks are loaded with carcinogens.
Visene causes diarrhea.
Waterproof sunscreen causes blindness.
A massive recall of Sara Lee products is underway.
Sarah Lee Goodman
Ms. Goodman has nothing to do with Sara Lee Brands
but I just couldn't pass up that stern face. I claim
she's a man under all that.
Pantene shampoo contains an additive that when injected, will get the user high.
Mountain Dew will shrink testicles and lower sperm count.
17 None is true. Yet this stuff goes all over the internet and everywhere else. Ya gotta love it.
18 Well, time to get on with a rehearsal today.
19 Don't forget Once Upon a Time Thursday and Saturday nights at 8 P.M.
20 Bring a million kajillion friends.
21 Enjoy your day.
Van Gogh and Poe
Note ear bandage on the painter, and
noticeable difference in head girth
on Edgar.
These pictures prove beyond a shadow of a doubt
that Poe had both ears.
The bandage on Van Gogh's ear is a dead giveaway.
~H~
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