The Daily News
1 I have this amazing insomnia thing going on the past few years.
2 I seem to find myself awake at ungodly hours, wondering how to get back to sleep.
3 It's like I take a nap at around 8 p.m. and die for around two hours. I float all over the universe in some sort of other form, while my human form becomes leaden. I could feel the iron gravity holding my exhaustion down deep in the sofa.
4 And then I awaken around 10-11 p.m. and decide to write this goofy stuff. Of course, it's always a fun thing to write, because it's sort of like working out, only mentally. Sometimes it takes an hour; other times it takes a few. But I have a great time bopping about with fun thoughts and meanderings. It's like the world's first xanga.
5 And what's really fun is never knowing where this idiocy is headed! I tend to have television on, and the radio, and the Merc News in front of me. And I'm all ears for fun items, because I know people enjoy goofing on the DN each day. Hell, even I enjoy goofing on the DN each day, because I forget what I wrote the night before. Not only am I an insomniac, my life is like 50 First Dates, only every hour. I suffer from CRS.
6 That's Can't Remember Shit. A debilitating disease, to be sure.
7 But I just don't know where or when the inspiration will hit.
8 Like just now I was thinking about coincidences and such, when some gal being interviewed by Conan talked about how she went to clown school. I instantly returned to our class skit for circus last year, and I chuckled, because I imagine a lot of people in college right now feel that they are IN clown school!
9 Haha!
10 Moving on: I almost blew up the internet yesterday, only on accident. It was collaboration day, and my lessons lent me the opportunity to go online while the students finished up a paper in class. But alas! The internet was down! I went in to a huge rage, jumping up and down like a madman, and eventually settled into just checking connections.
11 I diagnosed that the challenge might just have been the power cord, so I unplugged my power cord from the network box, and took the one out of my printer and plugged it into the box.
12 The box blew up with a grand BANG! followed by a plume of brown smoke, which smoldered. I looked once more like a cartoon character. It just kept going smoldering.
13 I had visions of the entire San Jose police and fire departments flying in with sirens blaring, and hoses and yellow helmets and stuff, and my being interviewed by the Mercury News, and then trying to slip past reporters to my Toooondra so I could fly home, undetected.
14 And what's funny about that is that when I was 10, my friend and I got caught up on the ledge of this hill across the street from where I lived. We wanted to dig a fortress on the ledge, so we could look out over the city, but darkness settled in, and there we were. I hollered to my dad that Allen was a wuss, and was too afraid to try to climb down. My dad then walked home and called the fire department!
15 Within minutes, every fire engine in the Northern Hemisphere roared up the street and settled below us. At least twelve cop cars came up, as did every kid in town. It was like 6 p.m., and darkness was just chilling the entire scene. Lights spun; some guy had a bullhorn, and kids from all over the Earth showed up with bucked teeth and bicycles, and uninterrupted smiles.
16 These guys climbed up the hill like starving coyotes, dropped a rope with a swing down to us, and some hero I wanted to knock out put me over his shoulder and landed me safely to the ground.
17 News reporters from all over the world started asking all sorts of questions, and I got my first taste of, "Not today, fellas!" and ran home, completely humiliated.
18 The next day in class, my teacher had "Show and Tell" day, and this girl, Janice Schnetzler <I SWEAR that was her name!> stood up, smiled, looked my way, and said, "I have something to share!" and she pulled out this article from the local newspaper, which had our ordeal neatly clipped from the paper, and she was more than willing to share it. The class, of course, roared with laughter, and made fun of us for the rest of the day.
19 And what KILLED me was that I got up and down that hill with ease EVERY single day, but THAT day, Allen panicked, and next thing you know, I looked like an idiot. And my TEACHER wanted us to share it with the rest of the class. She was like Miss Landers from Leave it to Beaver.
20 What's great is that YESTERDAY, I found that article in a satchel at school! I wish I had it to share today, but unfortunately, I had NO idea this stuff would come up.
21 I have run from reporters ever since.
22 I should have that article fired up and delivered to you tomorrow.
23 Meanwhile, I hope you got a chuckle out of that one. It's a true story. It always reminded me of the classic Leave it to Beaver episode when the Beave fell into the soup cup on the billboard. Of course, Ward called the fire department, and the rest was EXACTLY the same.
24 Sychronicity.
25 I think I'll go now. I think I'll share that story with my students today.
26 I can finally put it behind me. ; ) <-----idiotic sideways face winking guy
27 Peace, yo.
Happy Holidays from The Cleavers.
~H~
DAILY NEWS BONUS!!!!
WATCH THIS EXCERPT FROM THE CLASSIC LEAVE IT TO BEAVER EPISODE, IN THE SOUP. CLICK THE LINK BELOW AND DOUBLE-CLICK ON THE FULL SCREEN ICON TO THE RIGHT OF THE VOLUME CONTROL. GREAT WAY TO START YOUR DAY!!!!
http://mp.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=2&pmmsid=1359268
Hope you enjoy it!
~H~
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