November 3, 2005
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The Daily News
1 Did you know that the process of getting a nose job is called rhinoplasty?
2 I swear. I'm guessing I'm the only guy walking around who didn't.
3 You want to know what rocks? New socks. The other day, I started to notice that my socks were sort of peeling off my feet at the end of these twelve-hour days, and were in sore need of either repair, or disqualification. They were clearly in disrepair.
4 The other night, after the Haunted House and all, I swear my socks just started talking to me, requesting ethical suicide.
5 Two of them stood up by themselves, keeping a candlight vigil in my window.
6 Indeed, the time had come for new socks.
7 The Dollar Store had pairs of socks for, well, a dollar.
8 Now to an old white guy who quite frequently walks into Asian households, nice clean socks are clearly a necessity.
9 Two months ago I accidentally wore this pair of socks that I had walked around the Theatre in, because I have triple-X feet, meaning they are massively wide, and shoes have turned all my toes in.
10 You could grow corn in those mugs, I swear.
11 So I bought every sock in the Dollar Store, which translates to three pairs. They felt WAY cozy.
12 I know, I know. Ever seen my feet? If you look at them, the one word that just doesn't fit them is, "cozy". The word that immediately strikes me is "platypus".
13 The good ol' Dollar Store. It's actual name is the Dollar Tree, but does ANYONE ever refer to it as such? Not Sock Boy.
14 They had some other foot stuff too! They had powder, but it was body powder, not foot powder, but when I compared ingredients to the foot powder, the body powder had the same ingredients, the most active being "methyl salicylate", the same stuff that they use to keep mummies clean in ancient ruins.
15 Well, maybe to preserve them.
16 Anyway, what any of this has to do with rhinoplasty is anyone's guess, but it's been an insane week.
17 And no, I'm NOT thinking new nose.
18 If the Governor comes through here and insists that I get a new nose, I say we picket. Nose. Picket.
19 Nevermind.
20 Okay, I officially need rest.
21 It's Friday; get some rest.
22 We'll be back on Monday.
23 See ya later.
24 Peace.
~h~
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