The Daily News

1  So…Eddie Guerrero walks into a bar.

2  Today’s Daily News is co-written by a tag team consisting of Jose, Ray, Sparky, and me. The Four Horsemen of the Acockolypse.

3  These guys are mourning for that bloke in the picure, above.

4  So here goes.

5  Ray was ACTUALLY there when Eddie became the first and only WWE World Heavyweight Champion.

6  According to the Horsemen themselves, Eddie was the GREATEST MEXICAN WRESTLER OF ALL TIME.

7  Y’all just gotta reconize.

8  He lied, cheated, and stole his way into our hearts.

9  Can you feel the Latino heat???

10  How come these fonts are 400,000 feet tall today?

11  So how ya all doin’? We’re all just chillin’, waitin’ for Javi to get here. With a tear running down Ray’s left eye, it finally dawned on him the magnitude of Eddie’s death. Jose was so taken aback, that he promptly collapsed onto Sparky’ breast.

12  The bowl’s finished, the bowl’s diminished.

13  And we ask, “Why GOD, Why?”

14  Eddie, you were the man.

15  Peaceout.

16  Eddie, you da man.

 

~H~

~dirtyjose~

~joekickass~

~sparky~

 

 

 

The Daily News 1  Well, I got a response from my dear friend Geoff, who told me he had heard a variation on the devil joke from yesterday’s DN. Everything is exactly the same except that the guy looks in, and everybody is up to their necks in muck and mire, and the only thing they’re allowed to say is, “Don’t make waves!” Awesome, Goof! 2  And the devil goes water skiing on Sundays. 3  Haha!!! 4  That’s like 6th grade humor, which is ALWAYS the best! 5  Play rehearsal last night was a blast! Since most of the kids in the play have never been IN a play, they were REALLY enjoying the rehearsal, and were a little nervous about lines and things, but  just the excitement running all through the Theatre right now is palpable. You could just gobble it up with a spoon! Lines are forgotten, people exit the wrong way, there’s nervousness afoot, but all with the true feeling of a brand new group tackling something maginificent and very special: make no mistake, this Show is nothing less than the absolute rebirth of the Drama Workshop. It is, simply stated, a celebration in the works. 6  I’ve decided to sort of split up Alumni Night this year, because there are clearly two separate alumni groups reading this. Pre-2000 Alumni Night will be this coming Friday night. Post 2000-2005 should go next Saturday night. But actually, you SHOULD go EVERY night!!! 7  It was just a blast rehearsing last night. We organized a show for Stonegate, (or at least tried!) and the kids are out all Wednesday for a Show, Togos, and afternoon room visitations. Bring back any fond memories? Ah, the innocence! The fun! I love it! 8  Classic! 9  The “Fair” Show lives! 10  So to all of you out there, the Theatre is back, in fun, magical force!!! Raise a glass to this lovely group of kids. I’m excited, laughing, filled with hope and dreams. 11  And I’m exhausted. 12  But it’s a GOOD kind of exhaustion. 13  How many times have I said THAT one? 14  Thanks to Nhat, Sparky, and Sunshine for just being there and bringing us in contact with the past and the present. Jose also is back helping with the lights, which ALREADY look beautiful. But…yesterday, no Jose? Way you at, dawg? 15  So we do the Show Wednesday for Stonegate, and then we open Thursday night!!! 16  Oh yeah, I forgot! Right after school yesterday, all the new drama kids put their hands one on top of the other, like a football team. And on three, they all yelled in deep voices, 17  “DRAMA!” 18  Yeah! 19  See ya tomorrow. Wooo-hooo! 20  Peace. And, uh, Jose! Way you at, dawg?   ~H~

 

 

The Daily News

1  “Okay everybody, coffee break’s over. Back on your heads!”

2  If you’ve followed the DN for any period of time, then you know that’s the punchline to a joke in which the devil gives the guy his choice of three different rooms in which to spend eternity.

3  The first door is filled with fire, and people chained to iron bars, burning, screaming, and bleeding. The poor guy almost goes mad just looking at the agony. Door number one doesn’t seem his cup of tea at all.

4  The second door is of course, worse. There is not only fire and iron bars, and burning, screaming, and bleeding, but there are demons and clowns and horrid stench everywhere. Naturally, the guy isn’t very interested in door number two either.

5  Door number three has all these perfectly normal people up to their necks in poop, but each is having a cup of coffee, and all seem perfectly used to it…

6  Okay, so you get the rest. It was never really a funny joke to begin with, but it sure reminds me of what happens to most of us after a holiday.

7  Was that just the fastest Thanksgiving in history? I don’t mean to look negatively, but I never had a chance to see everybody I wanted to, and it just flew so quickly I’m suddenly caught short and a bit unprepared for the week.

8  It’s rough, almost unbearable.

9  I guess it’s pretty indicative of the sort of year you’re having.

10 Even doing the DN seemed a chore last night, and I usually get a bit of a fun go of it when I compose this drivel.

11 I enjoy throwing all this folderol out there to you. It works for me, and it also keeps everyone informed and updated about things. At least it attempts to do that.

12  So our first announcement of the Christmas season is that the Fall One-Acts, Once Upon a Time, go up this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights at 8 p.m, and next Thursday and Saturday at 8 p.m. as well. That’s Dec. 1,2, 3, 8, 10. Very exciting times, as it’s really the first Drama Workshop production since last year’s A Love Letter, and the beginning of my “retirement” shows.

13  Oh, it has a LOT of my involvement: the set design idea, the overall concept, and two small plays, one of which I wrote. I also have done all the technical direction. But it is fun to have worked with both Angie and Doan on this, and to have such a fun group of relatively new actors and actresses.

14  More to the point, it’s WONDERFUL to see the Theatre alive and active with acting, lines, excitement of a new show, and all the rest.

15  It’s especially wonderful to see a long-standing YB tradition, the FALL SHOW, out there for all in the community to enjoy, especially our alumni, whom I always adore. Alumni, it’s almost always about you. You all gave me such great times and memories, and I think that one goes both ways, so the play is a celebration of the entire Theatre thing.

16  And to my great ’05′ers, YOU guys DO get a Show to come back to and to enjoy!!! We won’t let you down!!! The new kids are new, and we may just barely get it out there, but I think we have some great surprises and wonderful acting.

17  The price is $4 general, and $3 w/asb card, officially. But just seeing the Theatre working its magic once more, and the entire hope of it continuing is priceless.

18  Wish us a lot of luck! We are all really excited, especially about next weekend. I hope everyone can get down and throw some support out there for the kids.

19 So Thanksgiving has come and gone, a major disappointment this year, but we move to the next thing, and that means moving forward and getting better. It’s going to be an interesting go.

20  So the roller coaster that is the ’05-’06 year continues. This school year has been unquestionably the most difficult in my career, yet has been filled with answers to every challenge.

21  Some lady on television just said, “And when is it just too much to bear?” Weird. My answer is, “Never.”

22 The fighter still remains.

23  Have a great Monday everybody, and no matter what goes on, hang in there and fight. If you get knocked down, get back up and throw it out there. And keep a sense of humor.

24 So yeah, back on your heads, y’all.

25  Peace.

 

 

~h~

 

The Daily News

1  Today’s Daily News is all about Blessings.

2  Once upon a time I wrote a book of poetry entitled Blessings, all about how we need peoples’ blessings in order to get through this goofy world. I still believe that.

3  We also need to count our blessings this time of the year, especially when there are at least three people we would probably like to clock right about now.

4  With all due respect then, let us turn to the good side of things today, in hopes of leaving all the insanity far behind for the next few days. And I personally  offer thanks, and blessings. So let’s start, shall we…

5  Be thankful for pith helmets. I don’t know why; they’re just funny, especially if worn with a nose that is connected to the glasses type of thing. The Marx Brothers were poet savants.

6  Be thankful for your family, even if it an extended one. A good family and good food is the stuff in life. Listen to the elderly. Look into their eyes and ask them of the good times they’ve had. You’ll be surprised, and entertained. They are walking, and sometimes not-walking lessons in history, only without mid-terms and professorial ego-trips. They’ve simply lived, and their red-rimmed eyes will tell you that. They are beautiful. Be thankful for them. They are our treasure. They are our gold. And their stories will always unfold gloriously when we give them a chance to share their wonderful lives with us.

7  Be thankful for your true friends, the true loves of your lives. They are the ones who don’t just say they are always there for you, but actually ARE there for you. They understand all your moods; they share your joys and triumphs,  and they cry with you when it becomes necessary to cry. They can read your heart like a  midnight madness, and you can share anything with them without any fear. They’ll teach you about life, and will be soul mates long after all your supposed soul mates have flown the coop.

8  Be thankful for great minds. They open the universe to thought, and to intelligence, and allow us to travel beyond the stars and the planets.  

9  Be thankful for the little guy. He is humble, real, and often wise beyond all of us. He is of the Earth, and of the soil, and he makes a mean baked potato when asked.

10  Be thankful for the smile of a little kid on a Saturday.

11  Be thankful for the Sermon on the Mount, for the world knows no better wisdom.

12 Be thankful for shampoo. It’s just nice. Yeah.

13  Be thankful for freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

14  Be thankful for ice cream, and kites on a windy day.

15  Be thankful for the ocean.

16  Be thankful for song.

17  Be thankful for dance.

18  Be thankful for clouds and rain.

19  Be thankful for the miracle of babies.

20  Be thankful for life. It takes life to love life, or at least that’s what one of them mid-western poets once said.

21  I’m thankful to all of you for being a part of my life.

22  Have a lovely Thanksgiving everybody.

23  It’s finally arrived.

24  Today’s Daily News was all about Blessings.

25  Peace.

 

~h~

The Daily News

1  So I figured out one thing, that’s for sure. Malls are way not designed for men.

2  I somehow found myself at the Great Mall the other day, waiting outside a chick store while my wife and daugher shopped around for chick things.

3  The second I went in the store, it was evident that there wasn’t going to be guystuff in there. It had cute floppy hats, hippy scarves, really hip shirts, cool retro coats, and belts that have what looks like metal plates on them.

4  So I thought to myself, “Hey, I’m into merch. I’m a merch-man. I’m a merch sorta guy. They do this on purpose so I can go outside and fall into a GUY store, that has guystuff.”

5  Wrong.

6  Let’s back it up. Nearly every time I find myself in a mall, I want to shoot myself. I want to vanish. I want to chop off my feet and slash my wrists with spoons. It ain’t pretty.

7  So I go outside this store in that mode, looking for Mr. Guystuff store for guys who are waiting around for wimmin to shop, and I realized that malls are way not designed for men.

8  I looked in the nearest store window. It had this display of dresses for life-size Coke bottles. I just figured, nope.

9  I walked along the mallevard of broken dreams, and saw some shop that had some name that sounded like His ‘n’ Hers, or some unisex nonsense. I looked up at the wall, and saw that it was shocking pink. The clothes themselves consisted of mini-skirts that were the colors of Miami Vice. I was looking for a thug hat. Not here.

10 As I moved along, I saw all these carts with utterly nothing that would work for me. One had keys that were painted like ugly ties. Okay, that. I’ve NEVER seen ANYONE with one of those things, but they’re always in malls. Then there were the cosmetics.

11  Some guy had a battery-operated UFO Frisbee thingy that he was trying to have chase me around. No thanks, guy.

12  There was a store made up of name-brands: Bali, Playtex, Leggs, and Hanes. I THINK the last one was Hanes. So needless to say, I dropped my idea of a thug hat really fast, and breezed through THAT one.

13  When I finally got ridiculously bored, I decided I might just go to the restroom , just for preventative purposes.

14  Turns out that the bathroom was around six miles down this one whitish-yellow corridor, that turned 90 degrees to yet ANOTHER corridor, six more miles down to two water fountains, neither of which worked when you pushed the metal button. Right next to the water fountain was this little inlet that had triangular pictures of a man and woman, respectively. It was the only inlet all the way down both corridors.

15  As I approached, I heard some lady actually ask the janitor, “Ummmm…do you know where the bathrooms are?”

16  Unbelieveable.

17  I went back out into the mall, and just looked down at my feet. They soon came to this like little lit area that had race cars running all around this projected track, and little kids would put their hands in the middle of the cars, which would then scurry like cockroaches on pot, all over the floor. It gave me the heebie-jeebies…

18  I walked past Aeropostale, Abercrombie and Fitch, calendar stores, stores that sold shiny rocks, pothead stores that sold beer openers that talked, and shoe stores that sold only shoes that were two inches across.

19  I just thought, “This shit ain’t for me!” and went back to the original chick store.

20  They were evidently on their second lap, so I went outside just to sit on a bench. Some lady showing hideous hag-nose midriff, sat there eating a gigantic pretzel lathered with mustard. She had a dollop hanging off her lip, where I’m quite sure, it is, simply, doomed.

21  Finally, I came upon this bar that had 30-yar-old geeks playing retro-arcade games like Street Fighter and stuff, only they wre drinking sissy drinks in martini glasses, so I just left.

22  Eventually, I got to a bookstore and spent the rest of the day goofing on Vincent Van Gogh.

23  I returned to the chick store, and they had finally settled on this really cool coat, so just looking at the look on Caitlin’s face made it all worthwhile.

24  When I got home, I took off my old shoes and kissed the floor. I put on the Niner game and drifted off, vowing to the moon and the stars that I would never go to a mall again.

25  But then, I heard Eastridge has thug hats…AND 3-D glasses to watch Medium. Maybe next week…meanwhile…

26  Enjoy your day.

 

 

 

~h~

 

The Daily News
Camp Anytown
’05!!!

1  I just flew in from Camp Anytown, and boy…

2  If I said this was the best camp I’ve yet been to, I may just be
exaggerating because it JUST happened.

3  But in my four experiences so far, I don’t recall a more spiritual go than this one. You would think someone would get numb to that beautiful experience, but I felt more soulful and spiritual than ever.

4  Maybe it’s because they officially changed the name to “Camp Everytown”, which of course, doesn’t work in the least, and only served to bond us all closer. And maybe it was just Rocha, Wolcott, and Richard, all of whom have turned this into a masterpiece. That’s what this year was, a masterpiece, touched by the masters and painted with the stars and the moon.

5  Maybe it’s because we had Kilduff,  Haggerty, Jackson, and former ’05′ers Justine and Evelyn as facilitators. Suddenly, there was magic in the air and everywhere!!!

6  At our first singing session, the SECOND song got nearly every person in the camp up and standing at the fireplace, singing their hearts out! Talkin’ bout My Girl.

7  Whatever it was, the stars, the planets, the full moon, Camp Anytown just swirled, amazed, and captivated all of us. To be honest, I was taken completely by surprise! I just thought I was the old pro, and that I was just going to go through the motions.

8  I couldn’t have been more wrong. I learned more, and learned to move forward bravely as a teacher, honing skills I thought I had already mastered, and I now feel I’ve reached new levels in both teaching and in learning.

9  Maybe it was, simply, the maturity and sensitivity of this year’s delegates. Maybe it was personal. Maybe I needed to move myself spiritually, so that I could reach others.

10  Or maybe it was just the food…

11  I’m proud to say that we just moved the experience up around twenty notches. The teaching and the learning seemed almost mythical this year, as though Socrates and Plato were smiling down, because they stole our bacon and watched over us to see what we would do…

12  There was wisdom. There was poetry. There were walls broken down. There was laughter. There were tears. And there were two things you can’t really measure: soul and spirit.

13  There was my entire cabin fast asleep in the morning when they were supposed to lead the community circle to breakfast. Richard called Cabin 9, and I stood alone in the center of the circle, while visions of sugar plums danced in my cabin members’ heads. I had gone on the morning hike, and had forgotten to awaken them! Cabin 9 slept soundly through the clanging of the clarion bell, and everyone laughed when my cabin was announced, and I was the only guy in the middle of the circle!

14  Yes, synchronicity people, my cabin was Cabin 9.

15  Maybe it was my small group, which met in the Turquoise Crackhouse, the wall of which contained this beautiful piece of graffiti:

16  Maybe it was the campfires, which had EVERYBODY singing and hugging.

17  Or maybe it was just that we were allowed to cry.

18  And cry we did. And for very real reasons.

19  The grand irony of it all is that I knew I needed to remain stalwart and strong through all the tears. I chiseled a very solid exterior, because I felt the camp needed that strength. I refused to cry, not because real men don’t cry, because clearly they do.

20 But because this time, I just felt they all needed that strength, that bravery, and so no, I didn’t cry.

21  I stood tall, because maybe I just needed to.

22  And then we lit candles, and shared poetry, thoughts, quotes, and all the rest.

23  And maybe, in the end,  some things are better off left unsaid.

24  Tacit, you know? I’ll just say that I was proud of everyone.

25  And anyone.

25  I’ll go now.

26  Peace.

 

 

 ~h~

 

 

The Daily News

1  The first thing I need to ask myself is this: “Why am I up writing the DN at 3 a.m.?

2  A.  ‘Cuz I just got home from working the second Rolling Stones’ concert in three days.

3  Sheer insanity.

4  They kicked their own butts last night, by the way.

5  They played this wonderful old rocker called Hot For Her, that keeps talking about a guy who is hot for a girl, but she’s so cold. But the lyrics are a riot!

She’s so cold she’s so c-c-c-c-cold.
When I touch her, my hand just froze.
She’s so cold, she’s so cold,
I think she was born in the Arctic zone.

 

6  And later, the very beautiful As Tears Go By, one of the most beautiful rock ballads ever.

7  Followed shortly thereafter by a rock classic, Midnight Rambler, which also has such great lyrics as these:

Sighing down the wind so sadly,
listen and you’ll hear him moan,
said I’m a talkin’ bout the Midnight Rambler
yeah everybody got to go…

8  Well, you’ll just have to take my word. They also did It’s Only Rock ‘n’ Roll (but I LAHK it!!!) and also thundered through the park.

9  So this is a MIRACLE DN, because i need to get up in an hour and a half and get ready to go to Camp Anytown!!!

10  So I won’t be back ’til Monday, sorry to say!!!! I’m gonna miss y’all. It’s been a sort of Miss You year, if you’re on that one.

11  I’ll come back ready to rumble, d00ds!!!

12  Peace.

 

~h~

 

The Daily News

YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GIT WHATCHU WANT…

you shoulduda heard me just around midnight…

BUT IF YA TRY SOMETIMES…

YA GET WHATCHA NEED…

 Ladies and Gentlemen, The Rolling Stones.

yep.

they’re THAT good.

peace.

ah said yeah, yeah, yeah, woooo
how come ya, how come ya taste so good?

 

~h~

 

 

The Daily News

Sorry if the Daily News looks scruffy today.

I’ve been out kickin’ it with a few of

me

mates.

 

 

 

~h~

 

 

The Daily News

1  It’s a little bit funny, but I took a look at last year’s Veteran’s Day DN, figuring it would contain this passage I have always loved. The passage is from Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.’s  deliciously weird Breakfast of Champions. I like the passage because it explains WHY there is a holiday today.

2  Well, I went to Nov. 11, 2004, and lo! There it was, along with an entry talking of how absolutely exhausted I was from doing all the extra things around the school. We happened to be doing the Pigeon Players’ rollicking Thugs that night, so as always, I was writing this with one eye open and my cheek resting on the whole middle part of the keyboard.

3  Anyway, I ALWAYS school people about Veteran’s Day, every Veteran’s Day, because it used to be called Armistice Day.

4  So I’m going to do a rare re-print of an old DN today. Actually, I wasn’t going to write a DN today, because there’s no school. But I’m still up, and dressed, and ready to go down to that God-forsaken place and direct the play I’m writing for the upcoming one-acts. I’m exhausted.

5  Sound familiar? It’s just beginning to dawn on me that I’m ALWAYS exhausted! Helllooo! It’s just beginning to dawn on me that I might JUST bring on my own exhaustion. Sometimes we just don’t see what we really are, you know?

6  Because I guess when it comes down to it,  I’m just a madman, crazy as the wind, and twice as blustery.

7  So enough of that nonsense. Here’s the excerpt from the DN from a year ago. Sorry, but I have WAY too much not to do. See ya Monday!

*******************************************************

I’m exhausted. Thank goodness for Armistice Day.

3  Yeah, I know. It’s Veteran’s Day. But it used to be Armistice Day, on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918, the World stopped a war, and there was peace at that instant, signed between the Allies and Germany. Here is a favorite piece of mine from the great Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.’s epic, Breakfast of Champions. It’s really all I wish to say today. It’s just a lot of what I am feeling.

from the introduction:

So this book is a sidewalk strewn with junk, trash which I throw over my shoulders as I travel in time to November eleventh, nineteen hundred and twenty-two.

I will come to a time in my backwards trip when November eleventh, accidentally my birthday, was a sacred day called Armistice Day. When I was a boy, all the people of all the nations which had fought in the First World War were silent during the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of Armistice Day, which was the eleventh day of the eleventh month.

It was during that minute in nineteen hundred and eighteen, that millions upon millions of human beings stopped butchering one and another. I have talked to old men who were on battlefields during that minute. They have told me in one way or another that the sudden silence was the voice of God. So we still have among us some men who can remember when God spoke clearly to mankind.

Armistice Day has become Veterans’ Day. Armistice Day was sacred. Veterans’ day is not.

So I will throw Veterans’ Day over my shoulder. Armistice Day I will keep. I don’t want to throw away any sacred things.

What else is sacred? Oh, Romeo and Juliet, for instance.

And all music is.

 

 

that’s it.

peace.

h

Happy Armistice Day.