October 21, 2005
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The Daily News
1 You know, I'd actually report the REAL Daily News if it weren't so damned depressing. Who needs that? I worry all day about stuff I can't control. Why add to it? I'd rather just goof on things.
2 It's what I do.
3 Like, I was just writing my Dad, telling him about all the goofy stuff that happens in the course of a day, and I remembered a couple of true stories that actually happened to me in the course of teaching.
4 Last year, for example, I was teaching The Raven, by Poe. That's not easy, considering the fact that he's a bird. <rim shot> He lived rich, but he died Poe. <another rim shot. the room begins to clear...>
5 No but SERIOUSLY, I got all fired up talking about it, because this poem MUST have been something, because it actually made The Simpsons. So I KNEW I had these guys. I was up, down, in, out, animated, frozen, and filled with perfect timing, when I brought the class to the next level, and finally yelled, "And what does the Raven always say?"
6 "CAW!!!!" came the answer from the stoner in the back.
7 <thud>
8 Oy, vey.
9 Two years ago, I taught this other guy who thought that if he was eternally in a marijuana haze, that he'd somehow learn through osmosis. I was teaching the word "shoddy", which means, "cheap", such as shoddy merchandise and all.
10 Anyway, as always, the guy was lifted to some level where you choose to stay "afternoonly in a cloud" as I put it, when my voice must have somehow made it through the mist: "And who can tell me what 'shoddy' is?"
11 This burst through his hazy cloud, and the guy lit up. The question settled in like a crow on a wire. Clear. Sharp. I know that one, man. His hand shot into the air, and he became electric with the answer. There was no stopping him.
12 "OKAY, yeah, YOU! You NEVER raise your hand!!! Sounds like you KNOW!!! So tell me, my good man, what 'shoddy' is!"
13 He wasted no time. "It's the seat right next to the driver!" he said, and looked to the left and right for approval. All right, Big Dog. One more thud for the road.
14 I loved the time many years ago when I was as usual involved in a million different things, so much so, that one day, when we had a lunch meeting in my room, the group had left a little mess in the room.
15 I arrived late for school the following day. My class was already sitting; someone had let them in. I ran in, only to find the following message on my board:
"Dear teacher,
Please try to clean the room when you leave.
Custodian"
I stared at the board, and just stood there with my mouth open. My class was sitting there quietly wondering what the heck I was going to do, because I really HAD no action plan. I grabbed a piece of chalk, and underneath his message, composed following words:
"Dear Custodian,
Please try to teach English to my students.
Teacher"
And then I set the chalk down and began my lesson, to the bemusement of all.
16 God's truth.
17 Well, once in a while, it has to be fun to see this whole insane world from the inside. And I swear, it's stuff like THAT that makes it all happen.
18 I love it.
19 Have a wonderful weekend, everybody.
20 Peace.
~h~
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