October 11, 2005
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The Daily News
1 So...Louie Nye walks into a bar...
2 ...
3 I was quite alarmed to see in yesterday's Merc news several headlines that disturbed me. I guess I really should read the articles, but it's 2005, who reads?
4 Anyway, the first headline read UFO sightings on the decline, and the article, culled from the News of the weird, cited such earthly occurrences as 9/11 and the ending of the X-Files as key factors. My guess is that the ET's just took one look at everyone yelling, "Ah HAIIIIIIL nah!!!" and other inane, idiotic crudities, and simply rolled their almond eyes as if to say, "Okay, there's clearly NO intelligence here." Out.
5 Or this one: New Madonna Song Draws Ire of Rabbis. I didn't even bother to READ that one. I just goofed on any Rabbi who would have his ire drawn by Madonna, or why ANYONE would have their ire drawn by Madonna, for that manner. They were CONES!
6 How about THIS one: Homecoming Show May Star Ludacris. Even though the game is at Andrew Hill?
7 Ashlee Simpson gets do-over on 'Saturday Night Live'. Ah. Ashlee's Sparky gets a chance to push the RIGHT button this time.
8 FBI may ease rule on drug use. So now those guys can smoke HUGE blunts while goofing on everyone's private lives. What a job, to have. Hey, J. Eddie, Jr. pass the Chunky Monkey and Junior Mints...
9 And on AOL, Angels End Yanks Season. Hey, ANYONE who ends the Yankees' hopes is an angel.
10 Great fun, I tellya.
11 Here go. Texas biotech company is ready to produce cloned meat and milk if FDA approves. Yeah, but won't that stuff repeat?
12 <thud>
13 Hey, it's Tuesday. If you know my campaigns of the past, we shouldn't even be HAVING this day.
14 At least that's my excuse.
15 Are you enjoying all of this?
16 I sure am.
17 I think I'll keep it short this glorious day. We have two-hour classes, three in a row, four days this week. Someone up there was thinkin'.
18 And Louie, we hardly knew ye.
19 See ya soon.
20 Peace.
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