September 21, 2005
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The Daily News
1 So…Simon Wiesenthal walks into a bar…
2 You know, while absolutely no one was looking, the San Jose Giants won the California League title two days ago. Who knew? They had a best of five series against second-half champs Lake Elsinore, and after having lost the first two games, they won the last three, clinching it at home, and yeah, ALL of us are shaking our heads saying, “I keep WANTING to become a SJ Giants fan…”
3 Shame on us!
4 Just another day. I had noticed recently all sorts of kids taking to grabbing bookcovers and rubbing them all over their faces. I had NO idea why, and also had noticed that at the end of each school day, my room would smell like a French brothel on Wednesday.
5 Turns out that the bookcovers they gave out to over 1600 students at our school alone had Scratch ‘n’ Sniff perfume patches on them!
6 Now, just think of that, for a minute.
7 Some guy HAD to come up with that brilliant idea. Like THAT wouldn’t be disruptive. Besides the covers becoming the usual sailor’s hats, Pirate telescopes, Stealth bombers, and ha-UGE joints, THESE little babies had freshmen boys sticking their tongues through them in a macabre scene right out of American Pie, leaving my portable smelling like the Mitchell Brothers on B.O. night.
8 Not pretty, man.
9 I was sort of hoping someone would crack a stink bomb just to nullify the horrid sweetness.
10 No such luck. Stink bombs are only cracked when we are getting red-assed by the WPC (White People with Clipboards), who walk around every now and again taking notes on how to make YB a better planet.
11 Gotta love it.
12 I wonder what it would look like if they walked in right after five periods of “ho-house” bookcovers followed by a cracked stink bomb that reeks of boiled eggs and warm beer…
13 Wouldn’t reflect very admirably, I’ll tellya that much.
14 Alumni will be happy to hear that they are FINALLY installing air-conditioning in the Performing Arts building. For all my talk, this latest version of the WPC is actually putting pressure on schools to fix things up, so although I laugh and criticize, this particular “study” should improve some of the looks of our facilities.
15 Now if they could only get the clock in the Band Room to stop being 9:27…
16 Yep. Thank goodness that some things NEVER change.
17 There’s always a nice bit of hope in hopelessness…
18 That makes utterly no sense, but it SOUNDS cool.
19 I’m outta here. I need a dose of perfume and B.O., just for the sake of sanity. Maybe if I get a horse, and park it in my room, it might help kill the smell…
20 Good luck tonight, music peoples. Back-to-School Night. VERY big deal.
21 Kick some butt. Make someone happy.
22 Peace.
