September 16, 2005
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The Daily News
Joe-the-Bear
1 Headline in yesterday's Merc News: Federal Judge Rules Pledge of Allegiance Unconstitutional.
2 I'm serious.
3 One nation, under Joe-the-Bear...
4 Oh, Joe-the-Bear sits on my window sill. He just sits and chills and always seems to be there with a stare. Used to sit on the toilet tank, which was even MORE philosophical, in a very real way. I get very much of my spiritual guidance from Joe-the-Bear. Every time I turn stupid, which is pretty-much quite a lot, he just sits there, until it dawns on me that yep, I was, indeed, stupid. He doesn't say much, but just look at the guy. Ever SEE a more sensible bloke?
5 There's a bear.
6 Funny, as I write this, some guy on David Letterman just started talking about bears. THEN I look down at my desk, and there, on the cover of the Merc News, just to the left of that headline up there, is a picture of a couple of grizzles, under the headline Yellowstone's Good-News-Bears.
Grizzlies in the Merc
7 Every time I turn around these days, coincidences.
8 Right when I wrote this stuff, that guy on Letterman talked of bears, and then I saw this picture.
9 I swear.
10 AND I was just talking about my guy, Joe-the-Bear.
11 All this talk of bears. It's a bit funny, but this summer, I hiked through areas of Desolaton Wilderness, and goofed on what a cool death it would be to get eaten by a bear. I mean, yeah, it would suck while the bear was eating you, but imagine the BRAGGING rights you'd have in heaven:
Deadguy One. Howdja die, man?
Deadguy Two. Natural causes, ay. You?
Deadguy One. I got eaten by a bear.
Deadguy Two. (thud.)
Blackout.
12 Can't beat it.
13 I'd better go.
14 My dear friend Thuy said that we shouldn't say "good-bye" anymore. We should say, "See ya later..."
15 So.
16 Have a great weekend.
17 See ya later.
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