September 14, 2005
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The Daily News
Who are the 10 most pointless celebrities?
1 Now that I'm done being sad and all, it's time to bring a bit of humor to the good ol' DN. From Great Britain, I stumbled upon this goofy piece: GB's Channel 4 did a TV show entitled The Death of Celebrity, in which they conducted a survey to name the 10 Most Pointless Celebrities.
2 If that isn't right up my alley, I don't know what is.
3 Turns out that Victoria Beckham, of Spice Girl fame, was tops on the list, followed by her dumb husband. Here is their list, for your own edification:
The Beckham's
The 10 Most Pointless Celebrities
1 Victoria Beckham
2 David Beckham
3 Jordan
4 Abi Titmuss
5 Tony Blair
6 Jade Goody
7 The Royal Family
8 Jodie Marsh
9 Anyone from Big Brother
10 Rebecca Loos
4 The Breaking News, IE, the webpage that carried the story, said this of the show: "...the programme wages war on celebrities who are famous despite having little or no talent."
5 WELL!
6 I don't know about any of you, but I personally could come up with a much better list than THAT. I spun it around and asked friends, and here are some serious candidates, in no particular order, coming to you with a little help from my friends:
Ryan "Stupid" Seacrest (IN!), Richard "The Gay Blade" Simmons, Gene Simmons, Larry King, Vanna White, any bimbo Jay Leno takes seriously while oogling at her cleavage, John Bon Jovi, Snoop Dawg, Joe Besser, the Low-Budget Stooge. He was SO not a stooge. He was about as much of a Stooge as Pete Best was a Beatle, only fatter, and he wore suits that were way too small. That ain't no Stooge! Larry Fine. THERE'S a Stooge!
7 Continuing: Star Jones, Burt Reynolds--(A g-g-g-g-ghost! Nice eye job, Burt), Ben Affleck--and I think he knows it, Queen Latifah, Ozzy Osbourne and his entire family of freaks, Richard Hatch, Kathie Lee, Maria Shriver, Bobby Brown, Pamela Anderson (except her two friends), Pee Wee Herman, Monica Lewinsky.
8 Okay, you get the idea. No shortage. I personally submitted the first ten, and then put it out there.
9 How 'bout it? Any candidates for Most Pointless Celebrity? Lemme know.
10 Thanks to all of you who submitted jokes last week. I think my personal fave came from Evelyn, who wrote this one:
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Wherever you left him.
11 Ha!
12 I'll have to go through my 8 gazillion e-mails to find some of the others. I got hit hard this past week, so it's been a busy one.
13 Okay, just thought I'd jump start a little fun into the DN, and to give your morning a bit of a kick start!
14 Enjoy the day; someone once named Wednesday "Hump Day", and for the life of me, I just SORT of get that one. You know, you're over the hump when it's over.
15 And I'll take the high road on that one.
16 Always a safe bet.
17 Keep those cards and letters coming!
18 Peace.
Snoop Dawg
d00d, you're pointless.
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