September 5, 2005
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The Daily News
1 It’s never too late to learn to play the piano.
–Clippy
2 That’s what “Clippy” the Annoying Paperclip preached to me yesterday. Okay, I was minding my own business when that guy popped up for the millionth time, with the usual no regard for getting right in my way. Only THIS time, with utterly no warning nor coaxing, he gave me some advice. Actually, some pretty darned good advice, but advice.
3 Now, WHY “Clippy” is suddenly telling people how to live their lives is beyond me, but still, I had to ponder…I mean, it IS never too late to learn to play the piano…it’s just…I mean, d00d. Why is “Clippy” suddenly sending me messages?
3 I just hope the little bastard isn’t a Republican…
4 Moving on: So…Chief Justice William Hubbs Rehnquist walks into a bar…
5 So it goes.
6 Uh…Hubbs? I wonder how that went down…
***goes into a dream, as always…***
The Rehnquists Name a Baby
a short play
(lights up.)
Mr. Rehnquist: But what should his middle name be called?
Mrs. Rehnquist: Hubbs.
(blackout.)
7 Oy.
8 On Jerry Rice…not wishing to work as a fourth-string receiver for the Denver Broncos, the greatest player in NFL history retired yesterday after 20 NFL seasons. Count ‘em, 20 as well as 38 NFL records, including Career Receptions (1,549), Yards Receiving (22,895), and Touchdowns Receiving (197). Beyond that, Jerry Rice is a class act, a TREMENDOUS role model for all of us, and in my eyes, the greatest ever. You deserve better, Jerry. But you are, in the heart of many, simply the greatest NFL football player of all time.
9 It’s never too late to learn to play football…
10 The Tree of Hope is alive and operational, even if it isn’t quite up yet. Long story, but if you give cash, or write a check and make it out to Evelyn Huynh, the money you give will be matched by Yahoo! because Evelyn works there!!! So get those checks to me. Or send them to Yerba Buena High School, 1855 Lucretia Ave. San Jose, CA 95122, attn. Bud Harrington. The sooner, the better, because it’s a fast window of time that Yahoo! will match funds.
11 And any donation will be given a leaf on the Tree of Hope in my room. All monies go to the American Red Cross, Santa Clara Chapter, and are earmarked for Hurricane Katrina Relief.
12 All monies. Isn’t “money” a collective noun? All monies…ummm. Clippy? gone. Never around when you need him.
13 Maggie? A little help? Ah, she dashed off to UCLA, or at least that’s the rumor. One of our GREAT student grammarians, now on the loose at a major American university!
14 Maggie began learning piano just last year, and grew accordingly. No, d00d. Saying, “Play an accordingly–go to jail!” just misses the boat, d00d, entirely. Stay off the doobies in the a.m guy.
15 But it’s never too late to learn to play the piano…
16 It’s never too late.
17 Thanks, Clippy. You’ll just never know, man.
18 You’ll just…never know.
19 Peace, love, and cheese.
