August 29, 2005
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The Daily News
1 Have you guys been following Hurricane Katrina? I was just sort of watching teevee last night, but looking at the radar, I found that, well, I don't know the first thing about weather radar.
2 Katrina should be slamming into New Orleans by the time many of you will be getting up to face a nice, warm, dry day out in these parts. Serious stuff, and I guess we all ought to be keeping watch on that one. The New Orleans Saints took flight to the Bay Area YESTERDAY, readying for Thursday night's game here against the Raiders. But what a scary thing. What a scary thing.
3 Movin' on...So Friday I get to school, and that huge chain? The one that set me off on the SECOND DAY OF SCHOOL? Gone. I tellya, you shouldn't leave stuff lying around YB. It'll get legs, every time.
4 And movin' on...
5 "It's great to know that rock music still has a place at MTV."
--Billy Armstrong, lead singer of
Greenday, who won 7 MTV
Moonmen last night at the
MTV Video Music Awards.
6 "Owwww!"
--Rap luminary Marion "Suge"
Knight, who was shot in the leg
early yesterday, while attending
a party in celebration of the
MTV Video Music Awards.
7 It took place on the Boulevard of Broken Femes...
8 <<groan!>>
9 I walk alone, I walk alone...
10 Well, theatre fans, I already let you know about free Shakespeare at Shady Shakes, which could be reached by going online and visiting http://www.shadyshakes.org, so looks like the thesbians around here have something on which to chew (so how ABOUT those prepositions, man!). So this goes out to all the music people who read this drivel:
11 Santana Row throws FREE jazz shows every Tuesday, through October 25, from 6-9 p.m. right in front of Maggiano's and Starbucks! This Tuesday, Vission Latina, a Latin/Cuban band will rock the place. For more info, you could either call them at (408)551-4611, or go to http://www.santanarow.com/events and it will get you where you need to be.
12 Ha! I totally LOVE the internet, man. It's almost close to being able to fly! PLUS you can find out about ANYTHING.
13 Here. Watch. I'm going out into space right now, and I'll return with the funniest joke ever written. Stand by.
14
15 Okay, I'm back. So some scientists in Great Britain CLAIM this is the funniest joke in the world:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
15 Hey, it was worth a shot...that joke is clearly NOT the funniest joke in the world. It's not really my fault. I'm just reporting the facts here. Ya gotta admit it was AN heroic attempt to cheer you up on this wonderfuly beautiful Monday morning.
16 So yeah.
17 That's my new answer to everything. So yeah. It somehow works to get you out of having to think, or even to attempt to further your stream of thought. It just SEEMS to explain whatever it is you were just yammering about. About which you were just yammering.
18 So yeah...
19 Okay, so THAT joke is what some geeky British scientists came up with that received the most universal laughs, and all sorts of other...experimenty things that scientists do.
20 Personally, I don't think it's even in my own top hundred. Howzbout if WE go on a search for the funniest joke in the world? You can submit it to me at gfharrington@aol.com, or throw one up in the comment column on the online DN.
21 Keep 'em SHORT and reasonably clean. This is, after all, the Daily News, and we DO have our standards.
22 ?
23 Okay, everybody, it's Monday morning. Coffee break's over; back on your heads...
24 Old joke. Funnier than the funniest joke in the world, but let's just get through Monday, always a feat!
25 Peace, y'all.
