The Daily News

1  We're here at the finish line of the Bay-to-Breakers marathon in San Francisco, Calilfornia.

2   As  most people probably know, I run like the wind, and I am just as constant. I whooped most people and got to the finish line first, but the cameras never caught it. I figured, "Ah, what the heck."

3  I WAS there, however, to interview the guy who won, this guy with a ridiculous accent, from Kenya or somewhere.

4  Here is the gist of the conversation:

   Me:  Well, we're here with the winner of the ten-millionth Bay-to-Breakers, and boy, is he ever out of breath. I guess those hills can killya, huh?

   Kenya Dude: Da heelz day keel me yah.

   Me: What's your name, yo?

   Kenya Dude: Da heelz day keel me yah.

   Me: Well, I could see that this is going nowhere. When you got up this morning, did you even for a minute think you would be the first to cross that line?

   Kenya Dude: Da heelz <wheezing>...

  Me:  It's all good, yo.

  Kenya Dude: Day keel me yah.

5  So yeah. this guy beat like 60,000 other people who got up to run all over the City-by the-Bay, many of whom were dressed as carrots, Smurfs, grass huts, Hula chicks, Elvises, and newborns. I, of course, dressed like Hermes, the Messenger God, and delivered the message to everyone not to mess with my swift-fleeted Self. I wore an ivy wreath that covered my combover. It was awesome, man.

6  Actually...

7  Yesterday, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom delcared it Gary Radnich Day, in honor of the immortal Radnich's 20th year with KRON teevee. Gary, we love you, man. And Gavin, once again, you're one of the most right-on Mayors around.

8  Yeah, but you have a weird name.

9  In other news, looks like they found the guy whose finger wound up stirring up all that controversy at Wendy's. The guy was a co-worker of the accused lady's husband. Is it just me, or did that take a ridiculously long time to figure out? Oh, well. Wendy's has been giving away burgers and frosties for a few weeks now, so it looks as though the great Wendy's Chili-Finger Caper has pretty much been solved.

10  The High Notes music festival came in and left on Saturday, leaving the music kids with over $945 AND a great day at Santa Cruz! Thanks Ms. Hooper, and to all the kids who helped out; this was a success!

11  The Pigeon Player's opened on Saturday night, and the show came off without a hitch. The show was really sweet, and will run again this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights beginning at 8, and Sunday at 3. The show is free to all, but we do encourage donations. Great show, lots of fun!

12  Not much else to report here on a Monday, late in the school year.

13  OH! The Senior Ball is WAY on!!!! The Decathlon Club is the place, so all those idiotic rumors about it moving elsewhere are just that. Idiotic. We have now sold over 67 bids, and it is suddenly THE thing to do in late May! The Decathlon Club has a running brook, waterfalls, trees with lights that twinkle, a skylight, TWO dance floors, and a yummy dessert bar to beat the band! It all happens May 27, with a red carpet, and a tower of sparkling cider when one walks in. You might start thinking about not missing out! I talked with the Decathlon Club last Monday, and it's all systems go! I may even wear a tux this year!!!

14  So yeah, that's the news.

15  Go out and make it better.

16  Peace, y'all!

 

The Daily News

1   Sometimes I can just be the worst guy in the whole world. I feel like that a little tonight. We are under a lot of pressure to get the Importance of Being Earnest up on Saturday night. I really think it's a great show, but like most shows, it has its moments.

2  Last night, Jose and Sparky, who are two of the coolest tech guys walking around, just wanted to take a break after having spent the entire afternoon working for the show, when I went over to my room and yelled at them for leaving a mess backstage.

3  I thought we were going to start earlier, and that we had only around fifteen minutes to get the stage in top shape for the final dress, but we actually had around an hour. I instantly felt like a heel, especially since Jose has been sick lately. I really felt bad all night, but still acted poorly toward both those guys.

4  So this Daily News is all about me just showing some form of appreciation for two of the most un-appreciated guys in school. Jose, Sparky: you guys are my heros. Nobody at that school could even come close to doing what you do for the school. You put hours and hours of hard work and dedication into every club's events, and people come to take you for granted.

5  Well, this is just to say that I don't. You two don't just talk the talk.

6  Jose, take it easy today man. You need lots of rest; it's getting obvious. I know how much you love drama and all, but it isn't worth your health. Get plenty of rest, and stay in close touch with your doctor.

7  We love you, man.

8  And Sparks: well, you know, guy.

9  You know you guys are the champs.

10  That's a line from Jackson Browne's The Load-Out. It's a wonderful song that Browne wrote years ago to his roadies, which are, essentially his techies.

11  I'm really proud of you guys.

12  And this is just to say thanks.

13  High Notes Festival tomorrow morning; Importance of Being Earnest tomorrow evening at 8.

14   Thanks Jose, and thanks Sparks. We love you, man.

15  Peace.

The Daily News

1   I have been enjoying myself lately, jumping from club to club, staying totally busy with projects, and really enjoying everything: the ATFNL, who bonded all day yesterday with me, to my wonderful Seniors, who are having their Senior Ball in one of the most beautiful settings ever, to the Band, Choir, and Piano kids, who usher in the High Notes musical festival beginning on Saturday morning, to the Pigeon Players, who bring the immortal Importance of Being Earnest to our stage beginning Saturday night at 8.

2  Do not go gently, man. With all that has happened this year, I am going to enjoy this life for all it's worth. Who has time for pettiness and sweating over little stuff? Life is for living man, and I have just been born! <thud> Okay, I just fell asleep. Uh...what was it I was saying?

3  STONES ROLLING AGAIN:  That was the headline under a picture of those geezers on page 2A of yesterday's Merc News. If I haven't gotten it across to people by now, I am a Rolling Stones fanatic. Looks like a new World Tour, and they fly into San Francisco's SBC Park on November 13.

4  I'd love to go, if anyone is thinking of giving me a $400 gift just because I like good rock...any takers? givers?

5  Just amazing, when you think about it, and I never really thought of it this way, but the Stones are great role models for anyone who thinks they are too old to goof off and let off a little steam. Gotta love 'em.

6  Tired. WHEW. Long days lately, but REALLY full of lots of energy and hope!  I love it!

7  But I'm just too tired to keep typing tonight. I'm beginning to see words appeare like tyoping toniadiiiiiiiiiit...and I find myslef sludding to the grounddd zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

8  <thud.out. sound of birds. curtain.>

The Daily News

1  The thing about computers is that they slow down.

2  It's a little bit funny.

3  Like, I got home last night at about a billion o'clock, and really wanted to knock off a Daily News about dieting, which is always a fascination of mine, that is, watching everybody who is the slightest bit over their "ideal weight" trying like Hell to shed pounds. It's this weird epidemic that is clearly being perpetrated by the diet industry.

4  I had all these remarkably clever ideas, when my computer just decided to post the hour glass with the arrow attached, and instantly, I knew it was over. The hour glass just clung to the arrow like a bad relationship.

5  I had this entire piece in mind about how ridiculous some people get when they try to lose weight. Don't get me wrong; I am REALLY impressed by those people who can dedicate every waking moment to keeping slim, eating right, working out, and all that stuff. It's absolutely amazing to me.

6  But it's also sort of funny to watch people trying to stick to some ridiculous diet, like ones that you can have a little yogurt and carrot sticks, and somehow THAT'S like your main meal for the day. Those people watch the clock ALL day, and when the time comes to open that yogurt, they act as though it's the best thing ever made. And they always comment about how those little one-inch long carrot sticks tame that urge to crunch.

7  And I'm always like, "Yeah? And then?"

8  But of course, right when I get all these ideas flying at me this way and that, the old computer hour glass shoots up there, causing me instantly to  start getting up, walking a circle around my computer chair, and then sitting my fat ass back down to TRY to make it un-hour glass.

9  I yell at it. I start saying, "Aw, come on!"

10  Or, when I'm waiting for a page to appear, I watch that little blue line that moves RIDICULOUSLY slowly across the bottom of the page to get itself agonizingly to the end. I begin treating IT like a small puppy, you know, "Come on, attaboy; you can do it, yes, yes, all RIGHT!"

11  Interestingly, when I was JUST writing item number 10, above, my computer froze, and about twelve-thousand seconds later, the word "itself" wound up with like four-hundred "f"s after it.

12  I usually haven't that sort of patience. When things get TOO ridiculous, I just press that little power button for around ten seconds, and the computer FINALLY understands what "OFF" means. Me human, you, machine.

13  Of course, everybody and his brother tells me, "That's EXACTLY why your computer is slow; you can't DO that!" and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, well, if I don't, then I'm going to welcome in the next millenium with a Sony Vaio that STILL would have a little hourglass hanging over this DN piece.

14  Ah, it's all good. It just means I have time to move over to the refrigerator to see if I still have yogurt and a few tiny carrots left.

15  After all, I'm not going to get any thinner sitting here on my fat ass, watching an hour glass. So I think I'm going to get up while the gettin's good, get on my indoor-flying bicycle, throw down a few carrot sticks, an be the Adonis that I know is in there.

16  Go out and make it better.

17  Peace.

The Daily News

1  The Dave Mathews Band had a concert last night on AOL. I imagine I should care, but frankly, I don't. There's something very non-concert about a computer. It's sort of like...well, if I were playing a video game and the DMB tossed a bunch of cartoon feces on my virtual boat, it wouldn't be the same as the real thing. I'd just think it was a tacky game, and leave it at that.

2  The DMB, you see, is currently going through litigation...

3  Well, never mind. I really prefer to take the high road.

4  The A's/Red Sox game last night looked like Fort Sumpter.

5   Oy. The Giants' game was over in an hour-forty. They probably figured they had to average out a normal game time after Sunday's fiasco.

6  I just found out that Angelo Lyizos, local restrauteer noted for the classic Angelos (now the Arena Grill) and his down/home cooking show on television, is a former member of the OSS. That's the CIA, as in Central Intelligence Agency, not the Culinary Institute of America, so yes! Looks like good old Angelo was a good-guy spy! Who knew?

7  Perfect disguise. He's going to Greece for a ceremony commemorating Greek-American volunteers who helped out the allied cause in World War II. Angelo's was a favorite little spot of mine a few years back, very old country Greek, and lovely place. Angelo himself would often come over and join in conversations, and the food tasted home-cooked. Amazing place, Angelo's. It has moved with the times, and is now the Arena Grill, and has lost much of it's Old World charm.

8  I just thought it was cool that Angelo was a spy. I copped that info from Leigh Weimers column on page 2B in yesterday's Merc News.

9  A lot of people don't know that another great chef, the immortal Julia Child, was ALSO a spy! Julia amazed me when  was a kid; I used to watch her cooking show faithfully, wondering when she was going to stop adding wine to everything, including her ruddy personality. I loved Julia. Must be something to that. I'm beginning to wonder about other cooks. I wonder what the connection is? Is the Culinary Institute of America a front? My guess is yeah.

10  So I, too, am CIA. A lot of people have wondered over the years, so I might as well confess.

11  Perfect disguise.

12  You laugh, but one bite of my famous meatballs and you'll be laughing out of the other side of your face.

13  Always keep 'em guessing, I always say.

14  Those of you lagging on Prom, I visited the Decathlon Club yesterday, and the Prom is DEFINITELY on! We have added some fun things and surprises, so get those bids into your hands NOW. The place is sensational: waterfalls, streams, twinkly lights, and some amazingly tantalyzing food, a special slide show, and a romantic skylight. We have been setting it all up just right, so get going on those bids, kids, 'cuz this gig is going to be AWESOME!  

15  Okay, so have yourselves an amazing day.

16   Peaceout.

The Daily News

1   Happy SECOND non-collaborative Monday.

2   Yeesh.

3   Okay so Friday, the Pigeon Players did a Crew Run-Thru of their upcoming production of The Importance of Being Earnest, and let me tell you: this Show is the real deal.

4   This Show looks professional, on almost all levels. Oh, there might be a slight slip of the English accent here and there, but overall, they have this wonderful farce down, and it is REALLY a great Show! They open this Saturday night at 8; all performances are FREE (but come on!!! DONATIONS are happily accepted!), so come on down to Opening Night and enjoy Theatre as you may never have seen. These guys are GOOD!

5  Besides being a founding member of the Comapny, I am also serving once again as the Technical Director of this production, but don't judge my enthusiasm on that alone. I REALLY think this Company has everything it takes to bring extremely classy, amazing performances to our Theatre.

6  I fully support the Pigeon Players for a number of reasons. For one thing, it is run by a young, talented, and amazingly diverse team of college graduates, teachers, and semi-professional and professional actors and actresses. Yet the Company welcomes YB students to audition and to perform, if they hold their own at auditions. We also have five current students involved in this production, so the students get a much better concept of what Drama is.

7  They also come down on weekends, clean the Theatre, sweep, paint, build, and show absolute respect for the stage.

8  I realize we've adjusted here and there, but compared to MOST groups who come in and use the space, these guys are clearly the best, at least in my eyes.

9  Well, you should definitely check out the Show this Saturday night at 8, and this Sunday at 2. They run next weekend as well.

10  This coming Saturday, the Music Department is having another music festival called the High Notes. I'm not sure how many schools are coming, but that's an event that is lots of fun to help with and learn from as well.

11  So this week is full, let me tell you.

12  I went and saw my Mom yesterday on Mothers' Day. She looked great, and we laughed and laughed. I brought her a small package of DN's, mostly because I wanted her to see the piece I did on her birthday. She enjoyed it, especially the part that said I just don't listen.

13  Well, it's true. I had all that lovely advice, and I STILL do stupid things.

14  But it's good, because Mom will always joke and let me know that I still have lots to learn.

15  It was lots of fun, visiting my Mom and Dad, and seeing both my sisters, as well as my awesome niece. I enjoyed yesterday a whole bunch.

16  Anyone lookin'?

17  So yeah, looks like Mom will be reading the DN from now on.

18  HEY!! That ISN'T why I gave her all this good press!

19  She's just my Mom, man.

20  She totally rocks, pure and easy.

21  So yeah. Is it okay if I say "Hi" to my mom?

22  <pause>

23  Hi, Mom.

24  Happy Monday.

25  Peaceout.

The Daily News

1  Well, surprise! Today is NOT Senior Cut Day.

2  Seems a few teachers changed a few lesson plans to block any such procedures.

3  I imagine.

4  It's all in the game.

5  You'll NEVER win THAT argument, lemme tellya.

6  So essentially, all the AP kids stay, and all the rest of the kids are at the beach.

7  That's fair.

8   So it goes.

9   Yesterday was magic. I didn't do much, but it rained hard, then it threw out a rainbow, all during a meaningful song. For the record, the song was Landslide, by Fleetwood Mac, the live version, followed by Yellow, by Coldplay.

10  I was just driving around, planning nothing, and talking about everything and nothing, when, upon leaving the Most Famous Wendy's in the World, a crew of us got drenched, by buckets of rain seemingly tossed down from heaven.

11 The music came on loudly, and the rainbow appeared, and it was just perfect. Ever have stuff happen just perfect? The rain pelted us, cleansing our spirits and causing lots of smiles. How is that fun? It just is!

12  I guess you don't really NEED a cut day. Sometimes the world just provides magical days. What you need to cut is whatever you had on your agenda. It's librating just to go do things. Nobody was hurt, and it was a total spriitual cleansing.

13  Maybe it was just the freedom and simplicity of the entertainment. Maybe it was just the merry company. Whatever it was, 050505 will always be one of my favorite 05's ever. It was just a beautiful afternoon!

14  I'm not sure what goes on from here. I'm not, nor have I ever been, a planner nor perpetrator of Senior Cut Day. I just happen to be the advisor to one of the sweetest bunch of kids I've ever had the pleasure of being around, and they'll all be gone in three weeks.

15  So at this point, nothing planned is as important as things impromtu. I'm a firm believer in being very spontaneous, and playing things as they lay. Anyone who has ever been around me knows this.

16  So Seniors, don't despair. Your JOB is to be at school, right? So go in and be there for your teachers. Whatever is going on in that classroom is where you are to be today. Perhaps it's destiny.

17  Meanwhile, Ozzie Ozbourne just came on the teevee and sang In My Life. It sort of seems perfect. He sure can struggle through a song, but the guy is like someone's uncle that nobody wants to talk about, but who has a heart of gold. Oz, nice job with the Beatles.

18  Maybe that's just perfect.

19  Maybe that's just perfect.

20  Smile and enjoy life today.

20  Peace.

The Daily News

 

1  It's 05/05/05!

2  Happy Cinco de Mayo, everybody!! Looks like it might be an evening of singin' in the rain.

3  Well, don't trip on the rain. It's only 155 per cent of normal. Meanwhile...

2  Say it ain't so, Paula.

3  Man, looks like Am Idol is suddenly drenched in scandal. It's almost hard to believe. But why on Earth do we even CARE about someone's personal life? This guy has no class.

4  Ah, well. I guess it's just one of those issues that seems WAY more important than the Patriot Act, or the war. When it's something like a finger in a cup of chili at Wendy's, or a finger in a carton of ice cream, or whether Paula Abduhl slept with some lunkhead, EVERYBODY throws out an opinion.

5  Tell people that their own government probably blew John F. Kennedy's head right off his shoulders and probably set up a pro-oil puppet government, and they instantly think you're an anarchist.

6  Because that happened SO long ago. Nobody with oil interests is up there now.

7  M'bad.

8  I can ALWAYS ruin a juicy scandal with gossip from "back-in-the-day".

9  Meanwhile, you gotta love the scandal!

10  That's WAY wrong.

11  That guy is your classic Kiss 'n' Tell scum, pure and simple. They used to have a name for it: yellow journalism. Now, it sells TV time, and gets millions of people to watch, including my own hypocritical self.

12  After all, the DN is a class operation, and I NEVER comment on huge gossip stories. I always keep that wonderfully professional distance that distinguishes this as a Pulitzer looking for a way to happen.

13  Rain, rain, rain.

14  My socks are soaked as I churn these words. I have this beat-up radio, the kind with the crooked hanger for an antenna? in my yard. For whatever reason, it suddenly sounded as though it was about to blow last night, and I ran out and yanked the cord, you know, idiotically in stockinged feet. It wasn't until I got back inside that I realized I could have totally gotten zapped.

15  Can I get electrocuted punching nonsense out on a computer, if my socks are soaked?

16  Every now and again, I notice, my socks get soaked, and then I'm just somewhere with wet socks on.

17  It's laziness, pure and easy.

18  What's funny is that sometimes I take them off, and dash outside to do whatever it is I need to do on a stormy night, and other times I feel that there is NO time to waste, and I dash out to empty the garbage, or get a newspaper from the driveway, or something. There's no rhyme nor reason why I actually take them off or leave them on.

19  So right now, I'm hoping I can finish this all up at exactly 05/05/05.

20  Happy Cinco de Mayo.

21  Peace.

The Daily News

1  Today's Mom's birthday.

2  Happy Birthday, Mom. You're the best!

3  You taught me not to spell "you're" "your" when you mean "you are".

4  You taught me to think twice before saying things.

5  You taught me that double-negatives reverse things.

6  You taught me that most people are fundamentally good, and to have patience with the incredibly stupid.

7  You taught me always to consider the feelings of others.

8  You taught me always to think of seeng the world from others' perspectives.

9  You taught me always to smile at absurdities, that the world, as Horace Walpole once put it, is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.

10  You taught me courtesy, and chivalry, and that it is okay to hold a door for someone, and to allow a lady to sit in the front seat.

11  You taught me that life is too short for hatred and grudges, and that mending fences makes gardens of friendships.

12 You taught me always to take the high road.

13  You taught me class.

14  And I spent the goodly part of my life ignoring many of those lessons, and I have been ver much the fool as a result, and very much of the time.

15  In the past few years, I've worked to make myself a better person by living closer to your wisdom.

16  Anyway, Happy Birthday, to one of the greatest people in my life.

17  I love you Mom.

18  Peace.

The Daily News

1  My, oh my.

2  You know, sometimes, when it was windy all day, and allergies fly through the sky, you just need to go home, take a nap, wake up, and then write the words, "my, oh my."

3  Having the goodly part of a year consist of collaboration schedule on Mondays, we all became blazingly adjusted to the shortened Monday periods. What a mean trick, changing that back to a full-day during the entire month of May!

4  Yesterday seemed to go forever. I began my lessons, and after 40 minutes, there was still around a thousand-something minutes remaining each period. Kids' heads fell to the ground like solid bowling balls. Cockroaches emerged from the crannies, only to scurry back on seeing my gigantic presence. Overly dramatic Baz Luhrmann film music came up with a gothic quickness, ringing Cathedral bells across the windy skies. Our Lady of Fatima blew in from Joizee. And wannabe gangstas flashed stupid signs at chipmunks.

5  It was just that sort of day.

6  I conked out on my amazingly cooperative couch, snoring soundly within seconds, like an ogre in the darkened shadows of a mountain.

7  Awakening at 10 p.m., I opened first one eye, then a second, which seemed stuck shut with some form of windy infection that causes eyes to stay glued shut, and which turns them albino red.

8  And on and on. I'm awake now; I'm morphing back to the kind, gentle spirit you have come to know. THAT'S what not having collaboration could do to a guy. Yeesh.

9  Congratulations to the Band for a great parade on Sunday. Sounds as though everything went wonderfully! It was MY fault that you guys had to wear ROTC shinyshoes, incidentally. I was leaving Y.B. on Friday when Mr. Cruz told me that there were some boxes for Rocha in the front office. I zipped over to pick them up, in the event they would be needed for the Junior Prom, but it turned out they were for the Senior Class, which would mean me.

10  Well, we accidentally picked up one more box, but when I read the label,  Pleased to see that it was for Ms. Hooper, I put it in the Theatre, figuring I would let her know on Monday. What I DIDN'T know was that it was your new shoes, and you needed them Sunday!

11  M'bad!

12  Isn't that just the way it goes sometimes?

13  Okay, well, it always feels wonderful knowing I screwed something up without really trying! In the meantime, you guys NOW have new shoes!

14  It was good hearing you all did so great. I'm proud of you guys. I always love listening to you practice during 5th period; I have a small class, and it just seems like home to hear those wonderful sounds coming from the blacktop, or from the field.

15  That's about as much as I care to write tonight. I just awakened, remember? I'm feeling less storybook now, and my left eye has finally opened enough to read the nonsense I spewed out earlier in this piec, so I think I'm going to git while the gittin's good.

16  Have a lovely day, everybody.

17  Peaceout.