Month: April 2005

  • The Daily News


    1  Yesterday I was going through a folder of hard-copy classic DN's from 1997 when suddenly, Ponticelli's face popped into my window. Is the guy psychic?


    2  He was perfectly framed to take a pie, but unfortunately, I had none.


    3  I've been up for a good pie fight for WEEKS now, ever since I got pinked.


    4  Oh, I've been RESCINDED by the way! It was like Our Lady of Fatima appearing in a cloud and throwing fairy dust my way, forgiving every bad thing I had ever done. She smiled wide, leaned her head to one side, a perfect cross between Mother Mary and Glinda, the Good Witch.


    5  I began clicking my old brown shoes three times, and chanting, "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME; THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME..." Dog crap and grass toppled to the rug in my portable.


    6  Within seconds, my room began spinning HELLA fast clockwise. I was afraid I was going to lose all my pocket change, and then remembered that I was a teacher, and HAD no pocket change!


    7  In the midst of it all, I conked my head on the window. I think THAT was about the time I saw Poniticelli, wearing a warlock's hat and grinning at me with his classic s#!t-eating smile. He disappeared.  Right then, a couple of Deadheads in a canoe sailed by, smiled and waved. One of them offered me a veggie burrito, but never said a word, just held it up like, "You in, d00d?"


    8  Then, all the props that had been brought out on stage in the last week flew past with lightning quickness: the 46th and Broadway sign, the Waverly sign, the tool cabinet, the black door frame that's been around forever, three sets of slivery, ghetto stairs, and seven thousand boxes marked "miscellaneous".


    9  It suddenly all stopped, and I heard birdies, and little pop tunes on what sounded like a Wurlitzer from the 30's. It was very mysterious.


    10  Suddenly, this Mamacita appeared in a moo-moo, waving a magic wand. She tilted her head to one side, and I burst into tears, like a fat version of Sailor Moon. Care Bears lined up on the edge of the Universe and stared.


    11  I'm not sure what happened next. I just came out of it, and was sitting at my desk holding a hard-copy of a letter from the Super saying that I had been RESCINDED. I wanted to run home and pour myself a stiff drink of the Glory of God and Whiskey, but my doctor tole me that I couldn't touch whiskey no more, so I settled on my usual: neckbones and coffee.


    12  And a diet water.


    13  I'm back, yo.


    14  Gotta love it.


    15  Thanks Mamacita.


    14  Peace.


     


     

  • The Daily News


    1  I really love Tuesday night TV. It's always playing in the background when I am doing my writing and reading and planning and all, but you have American Idol followed by House. I'm not sure which character I prefer: Simon, or House. Anyone else out there watching House? If you haven't, your time has come. Just great stuff.


    2  So Thuy Ann and I went  i.s.o a place for Senior Picnic on Monday and wound up over at Almaden Lake. It was slightly windy, overcast, but our imaginations let us see that with the playground and the beach, it would probably fare well as a potential picnic spot.


    3  Still, the day was semi-overcast, and the water was rippling a little weird. I jokingly mentioned that it was a perfect place for a murder, or for a dead body. Not a great joke, but looking out over the rippling waters, I couldn't help but feel a little as though I were in a Hitchcock movie.


    4  Maybe it was the NewsCenter 4 camera truck, or the Channel 48 camera truck, or just the young mom and her daughter walking along the sandy area, but there was a definite eerieness there, almost a windy presence.


    5  We checked out the boating rules, walked along the shore, figured out stuff like where we might set up the picnic, the inflatables, the volleyball, etc. It was difficult picturing anything even resembling a picnic, or barbecue, or balloons or streamers; the day moved on; the water rippled as though portending more foul weather, and we packed it in.


    6  I even took a few pictures of different angles so that I could share them with the class. The lake still moved to the top of the list as far as potential picnics, even though it just didn't feel quite right.


    7  Life went on; I went home, had a little dinner, sat to write the DN, and checked e-mails, the usual.


    8  On awakening yesterday, I walked out to my driveway, picked up the newspaper, and headed inside for a good morning read, and a nice cup of coffee.


    9  I usually find reading the paper a relaxing means of spending my mornings. I read, skim, and comb the paper for DN items. I was in the midst of busying myself with all of that, when I turned to page 3B of the Valley Extra, a special section of the Merc. I read about ESUHSD finance chief Jack Mahrt's departure, and just shook my head. After a while, all that ESUHSD stuff gets to a guy, so I kept skimming around, when my eyes focused on a chilling headline:


    Police pull car from Almaden
    Lake; body of 77-year-old
    man found in driver's seat


    San Jose police pulled a car from Almaden
    Lake Park on Monday morning and found the
    body of a 77-year-0ld man in the driver's seat.
    His identity was not released...


    10  That's just eerie.


    11  And I'm not one to be overly superstitious, but that sent a cold chill up and down my spine. Evidently the driver was seen entering the lake "with a splash."  The car was found at a dpeth of over 30 feet, and was upside down in the east end of the lake, just opposite the Almaden Expressway.


    Here's a picture I took of the east end of the lake.



    12  I'm not really sure what to make of all of that, but it was certainly another in a continuing series of strange and eerie coincidences that have been occurring for several weeks now.


    13  I'm going to go to bed now.


    14  Before I do, I'd like to wish the Piano students a great big good luck tonight at the Parent Meeting, which begins at 6. Go out there and play like you practiced, and make us all proud. There's no point in getting nervous, and every point in walking out there like you own the world!


    15  Okay then, so long, kids.


    16  Go out and make it better.


     

  • The Daily News


    1   You know, you never know what is going to greet you when you open a door.


    2  I don't know. I swear. I just don't know.


    3  So okay, I arrive at the faculty meeting in my usual fashionably late manner, when I am met almost at the door by Mr. Cruz, who informs me, "Mr. Harrington! You didn't have to do all of that!" Big handshake. The "...all of that" referred to our tearing down of the entire backstage and subsequent movement of everything out into the house on Saturday. "But Ms. Hooper said that Mr. Rocha said that you said that..." Instantly I saw the problem some of us may have experienced with communication.


    4  It's a problem that seems to be going around nowadays. NOBODY bothers to communicate directly with one another anymore. It's amazing. I mean, I DID talk with Mr. Cruz about this last week, but I had first heard that he wanted the entire stage floor cleared of EVERYTHING, and I guess he must have been thinking of something different. Anyway, turns out that all he wanted us to do was to clean the FANTASTICS mess up from stage left.


    5  This was really the mess of the Freshmen and Sophomores, and had NOTHING to do with the Senior Class.


    6  Oh, well. I saw it as a living illustration of the old saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" Heck, we had completely ripped the stage totally apart, so I saw the whole thing as a catharsis in the first place. It bordered on a religious experience, pulling all that stuff out and starting over. So I just see it as a blessing, and that our stage is going to be much more clean and organized as a result. In many ways, it gave "closure" to my years of directing. I don't know that I like the word "closure", because it's really more along the lines of a cleansing, or, more succinctly, a purification.


    7  Dang. I STILL can't put it all into words. But I think if you read yesterday's and today's DN, you get the idea.


    8  Speaking of which, yesterday I talked of the U2 concert, and of how much that band has meant to the Drama Workshop. Over the years, stage sets have gone up, shows have been mounted, and lots of great memories have been built with the music of U2 playing in the background. Certain bands tend to work beautifully when doing sets: U2, the Grateful Dead, Enya, and a great many Irish jigs.


    9  Anyway, the story got stranger yesterday, because I was driving back after an afternoon of searching down a picnic area for the Senior Picnic, when I thought I'd drop in to see the Pigeon Players' rehearsal for their upcoming show The Importance of Being Earnest.


    10  On the way, I reached into my CD jacket, and the first CD I touched was U2's The Joshua Tree, which I thought I had lost during FANTASTICS! I popped it in, and instantly, the opening notes to Where the Streets Have No Name faded up, and I began doing the drumming thing on the steering wheel. I'm pretty sure I mastered the fine art of Steering Wheel Drumming on the ride back to the school, because the music rattled and hummed all the way, worrying me a bit because the windows began vibrating. As always when hit with loud, great rock at just the right time, I became molecular.


    11  I arrived at the school, noticing instantly that the doors were all closed, an unusual thing at 6 p.m. I went around to the side door, where we let the audiences in for our plays, only to find the entire Theatre building blacked out, with the exception of one small box of colorful lights sitting DRC (that's down right center for the non-dramz out there) on top of the Peavey amp. It lit the whole place in color, bouncing off the mirror ball at delicate angles, and twinkling over all the backstage stuff, which was now sitting everywhere in front. 


    12  Here's a picture of what it looked like, sort of:



    Well, better than that, but those are the very lights I walked in on. A small little string of lights in a Christmas box, but larger bulbs, maybe 10 or twelve, just sitting there on the Peavey like colorful embers of hope.


    13  My guess is that either Jose or Sparky planted them, but it was an awesome effect. NOBODY was in the Theatre. It was another of those little miracle moments, and that would be two in three days.


    14  The Joshua Tree still rang through my head as the lights danced and danced.


    15  Sometimes, the world shows us things. It's been a year of lots and lots of tragedy and sadness. Sometimes we just get angry, or throw our hands up, or even question virtually everything, because there simply IS no apparent reason for things.


    16  Other times, amazing coincidences stack up, one upon the other. We look for explanations, but science doesn't seem to want to offer any. Then we find things we were just talking about, and walk to meaningful places, open doors, and see miracles.


    17  Synchronicity happens.


    18  Sometimes you don't need to search very far for spirituality. Sometimes it occurs at the darndest moments. I can't even BEGIN to explain things, especially after the ridiculousness of things that have happened to people this year. In fact, I'm not really a very religious person at all, but I have my personal beliefs about some of the mysteries of life. Sometimes I even experience crises of Faith in whatever it is I feel is bigger than all of this.


    19  And sometimes, everything directs me to a higher order.


    20  Sometimes it's as simple as opening a door.


    21  I don't know.


    22  I just don't know.


    23  Peace.


     

  • The Daily News



    1  Mysterious Ways: U2's weekend concert at the Tank officially has me jealous of anyone who got to go. I saw it advertised on the marquee a few weeks ago and couldn't wait to get tickets. I made room in my budget to be able to afford a ticket, but they sold out so fast I was unable to get one. O, the humanity! The show clearly was one of those rare concerts that actually reached people's souls. Curses!


    2  I should have tried; Brad Kava's review this morning deemed it "...a masterpiece", one of the best shows ever, and saluted U2 as aguably the greatest rock band in the world. This would, of course, dethrone the reigning champs, the Rolling Stones, who are touring as we speak. The Stones declared themselves The Greatest Rock and Roll Band in the World years ago, and have continued to rock and to prove it.


    But the U2 show, which had songs moving from the brand new Vertigo to  Elevation in one slick move, and continuing up and down their awesome legacy, may have given everyone else a run for the money. Besides numerous tunes from their past two amazing albums, their songs included New Year's DayRunning to Stand Still (dedicated to the "brave men and women of the United States military"), and in a surprise salute to the late rock-centered radio station KSJO, they burst into The Electric Co., allowing Bono time to speak of how "we felt so cool" when we heard it on KSJO in 1980. Hey, Sannozay, we ARE somebody!


    Rounding out the great mix were a "clear snippet" of the Beatles' Blackbird, thrown in the middle of Beautiful Day, which "rang with the same chords", and When Johnny Comes Marching Home as a part of Bullet the Blue Sky, all culminating in a classic rock concert, by anyone's standards. Tickets, I'm told, are still available for their November shows. I'm penciling them in. You ought to as well. Good review by Kava, by the way. Everything I just wrote was copped from his work, so you know.


    3  How come some roses smell nice and others not at all? Just wondering. Pretty random, but I just walked over to a vase of roses in my house, and while beautiful, they simply don't smell nice. They don't smell at all. Why is that?


    Almost-Darwin Award Dept. The guy who got out of his car on the Golden Gate Bridge, argued with the toll booth gal, tried to rob her, and then was brought down himself by guards. How smart that guy is! He not only tries to rob one of the most heavily guarded places on the planet, he made a scene and THEN did harm to an employee. He got shot in the leg, and the victim evidently is okay and recovering. The idiotic robber is living proof that you don't have to pass a test to walk, or in this case, to drive around.


    5  Yesterday's Merc News had a headline Record gas price gets meek reaction. Yeah? From whom? I took one look at the price of gas yesterday and almost bought those shoes that have little wheels on the backs of them. I think I'm finally beginning to understand those things.


    6  If you go out to the stage today, you might be somewhat stunned. On Saturday, a group of us went in and TOTALLY cleared out stage left, and almost cleaned out stage right. I got word on Thursday of last week that we needed to get the entire stage floor free of everything. So we went in on Saturday and did it.


    7  It was really an amazing tech day, because we have purged the Theatre before, but this was the first time since we put A Love Letter to bed. I had a tough time going into the Theatre after that, and especially after the musical just...stopped. We would have gone on this coming weekend. That's a huge memory that never happened. It's a tough one to explain to people, but Saturday was actually very nice to me. In some ways, it's fitting that I would begin today's DN with a piece on U2; their music build many of our sets through the years. Saturday night, the Theatre turned magic. It does that sometimes...


    8  It felt as though every Show we ever did had been hiding back stage, and I called all of them out for one final bow. Yeah, that sounds a little sentimental, but that's what it felt like, especially later in the evening when we had music from our Midsummer sound track playing, the stage lit down, the mirror ball dancing off pieces of seemingly every Show we ever did, dazzlingly magic, and making me smile sweetly. It was like pulling out an old photo album to me; the memories swirled and danced with the music, and all was well.


    9  It was peaceful.


    10 Sometimes you just know when things are peaceful that there's more to it than all of this.


    11  That's what it felt like. Sort of spiritual, like looking up in the sky and smiling along, like you're now in on the joke.


    12  I don't know if that makes any sense, but let's just say that it sort of brought "closure". That's the closest modern concept I could come up with, but even that is a bit too definitive. It was much more spiritual than a mere word.


    13  I don't know if it can be explained.


    14  The word "peaceful" keeps coming to mind.


    15  A lot of memories in that Theatre; a LOT of memories...


    16  I think I'll leave now.


    17  It's a beautiful day. Don't let it get away.


    18  Peace.


     

  • The Daily News


    1   The Wendy's finger story took a dramatic turn yesterday. I was hopping online to get going on writing this piece, when I saw a sound byte hit the news. My eyes traveled to the teevee, and a picture of Wendy's flashed on the screen, followed by a picture of...the finger!


    2  "Ahhh!" I screamed, literally. The finger flashed at me, no warning. It reminded me of those pictures you get in e-mails from friends, the pictures that are of a kitchen table with flowers, and you are instructed to look at the flowers for fifteen seconds. As you stare, nothing happens, but you KNOW something will, and suddenly, hideous screams cry out from the speakers as the hollow face of a lost little girl flashes at you, followed by the table with the flowers re-appearing, scaring the beejeezus out of you.


    3  That's what they did last night on the news. The funny thing is, I had just awakened from a mild, mid-evening slumber just in time to catch the nightly news.


    4  I swear, I jumped out of my skin. Exclamation points shot out of the top of my head.


    5  It shocked me. I wanted to joke that the news gave me the finger, but I think I have a little too much class, so yeah. I held off.


    6  Class act.


    7  Moving on: is it just me, or does it seem that people are WAY over-doing the passing of Pope John Paul II? I mean, I realize it's a huge story and all, but it sort of reminds me of all the hooplah they made about the passing of Ronald Reagan. An old, venerable guy has passed on perhaps to a much better place, and all I keep hearing about is the millions of pilgrims making their way to the Vatican.


    8  Of course, when I hear that, I instantly picture guys dressed like the Quaker Oats box cover-boy advancing on St. Peters, complete with muskets and turkeys. I actually picture a feast of sorts...


    9  And I envision their children back at the hotel, making crayon outlines of their outstretched hands, drawing a face on the thumb area, and turkey feathers out of the other three fingers...


    10  And of course I follow this idiotic concept until I hear the next news item come down the NBC pike.


    11  Keep in mind that I was traumatized by that harrowing Wendy's visual byte, so hallucinations about the Pope's pilgrims and fingers and stuff isn't altogether uninspired. It was a frightening how-do-you-do, Let me tell you.


    12  The funny part is, I have to go back to sleep after I am done writing all of this, somehow. So not only did I become traumatized by the Wendy's finger and all, but I wound up writing about it, which is likely to result in grotesque dreams containing gargoyles, and weird buildings.


    13 I'm thinking of talking with my doctor and seeing if I have a permanent mental scar that could result in an out-of-court settlement with NBC and Wendy's.


    14  And moving on. I understand that Prince Charles and Camilla, who will marry tomorrow, have decided to "confess" something having to do with "wickedness" to the media. Within no time, the Daily Mirror stopped the presses and inserted a new front page showing both parties posing on the cover wearing devil's ears.


    15  I'll stop short here. We'll let the news media take it from there, and trust me, they will.


    16  Entertainment Tonight is having a feast with a fast-flashing special on the Pope's funeral. Everyone on the show is enjoying fast cuts and quick, drumbeat/guitar drenched music under the dialogue. I just glanced at the television again, and THIS time, a quick-cut to the face of FANTASIA suddenly popped at me, sending me into convulsions. It was all too much at once. The fast cuts, the frightening visuals. Same show. Somebody save me.


    17  I thnk I'd better turn off the computer, turn off the teevee, wait for the blue flashes to calm down under my eyelids, and dream about the FAT lawsuit that's going to go down on those moguls. I'm truly terrified and frightened about going to sleep...wheh my lawya at?


    18  Hey, just kidding, kids.


    19  JAY-zuss.


    20  Seems Fantasia is writing a book.


    21 Oy.


    22  I'd better get outta here while I can still get to gettin'. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Where's Dr. Hunter S.Thompson when you need him?


    23  See ya.


    24  Peace yo.

  • The Daily News


    1  So last night I get home from bothering once more with the Great Pink-Slip Debacle of '05, when I remembered that it's baseball season...and that means I could go home, watch the sunset, put the game on, and enjoy the greatest game ever invented.


    2  I even stopped at the store and picked up some hot dogs, some buns, onions, relish, and three different mustards. When baseball comes around, it's like a ritual with me. All I thought about all the way home was clicking on the Giants/Bums game, cooking up thems doggies, and settling in to one of my favotite things on the planet, a good ol' ball game.


    3  Well the first thing that happens is some OTHER game is into extra innings, so I can't really watch the Giants/Dodgers. But I was cool wid it; I figured I could kick back with a little Am Idol and goof on Fantasia's new look. For a brief second, I thought it was Doc Calloway up there, I swear, and girlfriend was getting her groove on. But I blinked a few times, and yeah, suddenly Fantasia's mug filled the screen. I just goofed, but really wanted the ballgame anyway.


    4  Is ballgame ball game, or is it "ballgame"?


    5  I'll have the results of that query at the end of this magnificent piece.


    6  So Idol goes on doing the same stuff as always, and I just sort of napped a bit, hoping the other game would get out of the 28th extra inning. By rights, I should have watched that one, but I really wasn't in the mood, if you wanna know the truth.


    7  I finally was ready, but my daughter dropped by with a video of her recent road trip to Colorado, so the game was placed on the back burner.


    8  I loved the visit, and the video was a scream, buncha college kids goofing off on Spring Break '05.


    9  Finally, after the video, I switched channels to the Giants/Dodgers, and lo! My television informed me that it was not available in our area.


    10  Say WHAT??


    11  Yep. For the first time in the entire history of my life, I was blocked from enjoying a Giants/Dodgers game.


    12  I decided to go to the computer and write up the DN, and simply to listen to the game on my $5.00 Walgreens radio, which I bought I think when Reagan was President. Well, for the first time in the entire history of my life, my $5.00 Walgreens radio failed to pull KNBR in.


    13  So I'm out here writing about virtually nothing, because I REALLY need a baseball fix. I have NO idea what is going on in the game right now, and I'm starting to get really shaky, and thinking about hanging out in a bar or something. In my prime, I could slam root beers with the best of 'em.


    14  It isn't likely that the game is going to come into my field of vision, however, because I'm just too dedicated to the DN to get up and leave this computer. I'm sacrificing, man, for all of YOU!


    15  Hurts man.


    16  But it's all good. I'll be tanned, rested, and ready by tomorrow.


    17  What I do for this place...


    18  Well, I think I'm going to go beat my dog and throw stuff at my neighbors. The I'm going to hit the hay.


    19  Yeah. That's what I think I'll do. My neighbor on my left hasn't talked to me in twenty years, and my new neighbor on the right has taken a wrecking ball to his house, AND it seems, has put up a casino in its stead. It's about forty stories high and lit up like Little Vegas. Every now and again I just throw stuff at him. No reason. Nothing injurious, just like cotton and cabbage and stuff, just to keep the guy honest.


    20  So yeah, I'm gonna go do that. Oh, and for those of you on the edge of your seats, the answer to the query (number 4, above) is that it's either/or, either, eye-ther, potato, potahto, ball game, or ballgame.


    21 Sweet dreams are made of this. Is it this, or is it these? Whatevuh.


    22 Who am I to disagree?


    23  Everybody's looking for something.


    24  Peaceout.


     

  •  


    The Daily News


    1  So...Saul Bellow...STOP THE PRESSES!!! Did Prince Ranier...


    2  Oy.


    3  Last night, on the teevee news, they showed SBC park, and Opening Day for the SF Giants. It was great, because they interviewed a high school principal who declared, "School's out for me today!" I gotta love the guy. Baseball, it would appear, is back, and so is Spring. Is it true that Mayor Newsome announced the banning of unions between Giant and Dodger fans? Well, if that one is true, he certainly should run for Governor. He'd beat out that dorky monstrosity we have knocking everything over.


    4  Maybe the Governor ought really to think about who he is representing these days. When nurses, firefighters, and teachers begin joining forces, the guy MIGHT think about giving a listen. Personally, I thought he was a knucklehead when he became famous, a knuckelhead when he did Kindergarten Cop, a knucklehead when he groped wimmin, and that he's a knucklehead now. Other than that, I think the guy is doing a fetching job.


    5  Is that the correct usage? "Fetching"? Sounds like something out of a teen movie gone wild.


    6  I actually thought the Governor had visited the YB Theatre the other day. I found this enormous bolt backstage that I could only figure had fallen out of the Governor's neck.


    7  M' bad.


    8  It's really weird being absent. In the past three weeks, I've been out four different times, mostly on school business. But it's just odd coming back, because I never know what is going to happen in my classes. Sometimes, the sub leaves a note stating that he or she will NEVER come back, ever, ever, and when I get to my classes, I see the same nice kids, and it's a little hard to believe. Other times, there will be a three-page letter praising the kids, and how wonderful they were.


    9  Well, I actually came down last night to check on the room, and it would appear that all was clear. Nice report. This makes it SO much better. The last time I was out for the day, I thought I was going to have to call in The Nanny to lay down the law.


    10  I want like crazy to talk baseball, to talk about the Giants beating the Bums, about defense, and all the rest. I LOVE the sport, better than life iteself. Someday, the rest of the world will understand what a beautiful sport the sport of baseball truly is. Meanwhile, it's just good to see that the season has officially begun. Always makes me smile. Always gets me sentimental, which I am prone to do now and again.


    11  Okay, so sometimes I can be a wuss. It's allowed. It's allowed.


    12  I think they are having Talent Show auditions after school today in the Theatre. I hope a lot of you audition, especially kids in Performing Arts. If you know a piano solo, or a guitar solo, or if you can sing, or are a good dancer, get out there and show your stuff! I know that there is a lot of talent running through these sacred halls, so time for y'all to step up! Even if you don't have anything complete, audition anyway. The show isn't for a coupla weeks, so if they SEE potential, you might get selected.


    13  Okay, that's about it for today. I'm empty-headed as I write this.


    14  If you look over past DN pieces, you might see that I'm empty-headed a whole bunch of the time.


    15  Baseball. <sigh> Yeah.


    16  So you all have yourselves a dandy little day.


    16  See ya soon.

  • The Daily News


    1  Somehow, I'm not here.


    2  Somebody, and I'm pretty sure it was Jose, asked me yesterday why they had the Pope dressed like Santa Claus. I humoured the question, and moved on with my lesson.Well, I got home last night, had some dinner, talked about utterly nothing with my wife, and finally settled in to write the DN, always grabbing the Merc, and my little Walgreens $5.00 radio boombox I bought around eight or nine years ago so I could tune in to ballgames, and the news.


    3  Grabbing the Merc and turning it to the front page, there, in all his horizontal glory, lay Pope John Paul II, decked out in what truly does resemble a Santa outfit, only instead of the classic Santa hat, they put that weird pointy Pope hat on his head.


    4  I pictured those cardinals and bishops and things sitting around wishing THEY could be the next Pope, crowding around him and asking him for any last requests.


    5  And waiting for a reply.


    6  And waiting.


    7  And finally, the reply:


    8  "Just bury me in my hat, man."


    9  Yeah. I could totally relate.


    10   In keeping with the way they totally overdo EVERYTHING these days, it wasn't long before I turned to pages 8A and 9A, a two-page spread that looked like a gameboard for The DaVinci Code. It was a HUGE rendering of the Vatican, telling us what we could expect in the coming days. A two-page comic rendering of the Vatican. It seemed to have every nook and cranny of the covered. I'm thinkin' Dan Brown studied it for new areas to write about; it was THAT complete.


    8  Well, they had this cartoon sketch of the late Pope lying in state, complete with his weird hat. It actually had those little lines that go from an object to a definition, as in a textbook? Turns out the Pope's hat actually HAS a name. It's called a "Bishop's mite", and it is supposedly shaped like inverted shields from 11th Century Rome. I'm not even kidding. Isn't that AMAZINGLY useless information?


    9  They also explained the Santa suit as a "Red chasuble", a silk outer vestment which, when placed in the Santa context, rings almost ironic, as it "symbolizes Jesus Christ's yoke".


    10  Huh? Jesus's "yoke"?


    11  Somebody's idea of a yoke...


    12  Oh no you dih-int!


    13  Anyway, that explains THAT.


    14  Who knew?


    15   The history, I imagine, is palpable.


    13   Palpable. Look it up. Sounds religious, no?


    14  Oy.


    15  Midway through all this ploy, I realized I was missing some teevee show called, I think, the Mork and Mindy story.


    16  Ah, vell. I was playing the radio, the teevee, and this really soulful live Simon and Garfunkel (who?) CD, bombarding myself with blashphemy at every turn.  You can run, but you can't hide.


    17  Seriously. Try a computer, radio, CD, teevee, and newspaper with comic book pictures of the Pope at rest in a Santa suit, and you get a pretty convoluted DN, man. All apologies, but that's how it happens sometimes.


    18  Oy.


    19  Interestingly, there is a huge conspiracy theory about this Pope. Actually, it's more about his predecessor, Pope John Paul I. He was only in office for a little over a month when he went to sleep one night and never awakened. Nobody thought twice about it.


    20  But if you grab a book called In God's Name, by an author by the name of David Yallop, you'll see a LOT of evidence that John Paul I was poisoned by a strange group called P2, masterminded by a puppeteer thug named Licio Gelli, who stood right behind Ronald Reagan at his inauguration. I kid you not. There are PICTURES of the guy, standing right behind a smiling Reagan, who was probably oblivous.  


    21  Anyway,  pardon me if I don't go in for all the pomp. I'm sorry the guy is gone and all, but JAY-zuss. I'l bet he's in the best place around right now, and we're still down here dealing with pink slips and Ed Trust, whoevuh HE is.


    22  This stuff ain't cozy.


    23  But I love throwing it all out there. Had to, I imagine.


    24  Well, it's getting late over here in the Press Room. I think I'd better put this baby to bed.


    25  And then I think that I'LL go to bed.


    26  I might even sleep with my hat on.


    27  Peace.


  • Monday, April 04, 2005








    The Daily News


    1  Welcome back, everybody.


    2   Meh.


    3  I just found out yesterday that the Pope's first name was Karol.


    4  Who knew?


    5  I always thought it was just, "the...". Like Smoky Bear's middle name.


    6  Anyway, so he walks into a bar...


    7  The Pope. Karol. Not Smoky. Yeesh.


    8  Well, I know it seems like forever ago, but congratulations SENIORS, for your outstanding performance winning FANTASTICS last week. This is actually my third public format on the event, and my feelings remain: I really think that trophy goes out to EVERYONE! I watched all the classes planning, plotting, choreographing, crying, and all the rest, and during some very emotional times, the whole school held together, and things went beautifully that night.


    9  My favorite moment was when all the classes TWICE ran to center court and gave a WARRIORS yell. To me, that's what it was about; I was really proud of everyone for that. It was a tough, emotionally draining week, and it just felt right that the school bonded like that.


    10  So yeah, that trophy is representative of everyone.


    11  And yeah, I really want to throw a shout out to my Seniors. They are always champs in my eyes; just a wonderful group of kids. I feel truly blessed to have been their advisor, and I just want to congratulate all of them for everything they've done.


    12  Moving on...You put your right shoe on, and you shake it all about...


    13  Sometimes it's hard just to move on.


    14  But moving on, I was pretty disappointed yesterday to see that the U2 Pavilion shows on April 9 and 10 were sold out. I love good rock, and U2 is clearly one of the pantheon bands. I saw it on the marquee, but never got around to actually scoring tickets. I'll still try to get in. Maybe.


    15  Bono, incidentally, said yesterday that Pope Karol was the "best front man" he had ever worked with.


    16  I'd also love to get tickets to the BBC interview with Bob Marley, who passed away 24 years ago. Not a misprint. True. Seems the BBC sent an e-mail to the Bob Marley Foundation, requesting to spend "one or two days with us." No lie. This was in yesterday's Merc News. Evidently they wanted to talk with him about his big hit, "No Woman, No Cry", a song on which they wished to do a documentary, and they wanted to interview the late Marley. I'm guessing he wouldn't have a lot to say, but whatever he uttered would have been headline news, to be sure. Just amazing. 


    17  What a buzz.


    18  I understand that the Bob Marley Foundation sent a letter back to the BBC saying, "You moste be high, mon!"


    19  Okay, THAT part wasn't true, but the part about the BBC sending off a letter IS true.


    20  Did I tell you that the ex-Pope's first name was Karol...?


    21  Man, one more week off, and I'd be erased...


    22  Hello, hello.


    23  Little place called Vertigo.


    24  On Saturday, I received another packet from the ESUHSD, this one from their attorneys, and the title read BEFORE THE GOVERNING BOARD OF THE EAST SIDE UNION HIGH SCHOOL DISTRICT, and is evidently a thing called an ACCUSATION, "which is hereby served upon you."


    25  Holy mackeral.


    26  It is from some intimidating law office called BURKE, WILLIAMS & SORENSON, LLP, along with a whole bunch of other stuff that just really gave me a postive lift. Hey, thanks, guys. Nice to know you have something important to do.


    27  I have NO idea what it all means, but you can bet that over 900 other "pinked" teachers received a similar package.


    28  My, oh my.


    29  Just thought I'd share that with y'all. I've been "ACCUSED" of something or other. These guys are all about capital letters. So I get to spend the next couple of days responding to this correspondence, even though I've simply been minding my own business trying to teach kids. I'm innocent, I tellya.


    30  So...Karol.


    31  Yeah.


    32  I better go.


    33  Peace.


     

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