April 15, 2005
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The Daily News
1 "It was so beautiful in New York City today that Camilla caught a Frisbee in her mouth."
--David Letterman
2 Ouch.
3 How about those Washington Nationals? They had their home maiden voyage yesterday and are presently in first place! Nobody cares, but I just thought it ought to be recorded for posterity right here, right now.
3 Yesterday I stunned the fashion world by appearing in a pink shirt for only the second time in my life. The first came when I received my pink slip from our Fearless Leader.
4 We all wore pink out of respect for our fellow colleagues.
5 So yesterday, when asked by my students why I decided to wear pink, I answered, "I wore pink today as a symbolic gesture protesting the ridiculously insulting tactics the District used to deal with their financial crisis, and to support those whose status remains uncertain."
6 I looked out on the sea of silently stony faces. Not a peep.
7 Suddenly, one student chimed, "Laundry day, huh?"
8 Signed, sealed, and delivered.
9 Gotta love it.
10 I walked in the Theatre yesterday and noticed that the 25 or so flats and props that had remained on stage following Saturday's purge of over 200 pieces had been tossed against the up-right wall seemingly by Satan. The floors needed to be waxed, so everything got hurled in that one corner, where they now sit at disjointed angles.
11 I thought it was either a science project, or a New Age art exhibit.
12 I'm thinking of leaving it as a backdrop for Honors' Night.
13 Beautiful.
14 It's looking less and less as though Wendy's was responsible for the famous finger in the chili. Recent revelations seem to point to the finger having been snapped off by a pet spotted leopard owned by some knucklehead in Nevada. I assume she is a knucklehead, because I know a knucklehead when I see one, and anyone who owns not only a pet spotted leopard, but somewhere in the neighborhood of 17 dogs is more likely than not a classic knucklehead.
15 I don't know. That story has more twists and turns than a cheap hose.
16 I think everyone ought really to head to Wendy's this weekend and throw in a little support. I think I might wear my pink shirt. A little Wendy's chili stain would make it a museum piece. It would be a sort of salute to everything this week: the pink slips, the mysterious chili finger, and the spotted leopard, all rolled into one.
17 Think I'll leave now.
18 Go Nationals.
19 Peace.
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