April 7, 2005
-
The Daily News
1 So last night I get home from bothering once more with the Great Pink-Slip Debacle of '05, when I remembered that it's baseball season...and that means I could go home, watch the sunset, put the game on, and enjoy the greatest game ever invented.
2 I even stopped at the store and picked up some hot dogs, some buns, onions, relish, and three different mustards. When baseball comes around, it's like a ritual with me. All I thought about all the way home was clicking on the Giants/Bums game, cooking up thems doggies, and settling in to one of my favotite things on the planet, a good ol' ball game.
3 Well the first thing that happens is some OTHER game is into extra innings, so I can't really watch the Giants/Dodgers. But I was cool wid it; I figured I could kick back with a little Am Idol and goof on Fantasia's new look. For a brief second, I thought it was Doc Calloway up there, I swear, and girlfriend was getting her groove on. But I blinked a few times, and yeah, suddenly Fantasia's mug filled the screen. I just goofed, but really wanted the ballgame anyway.
4 Is ballgame ball game, or is it "ballgame"?
5 I'll have the results of that query at the end of this magnificent piece.
6 So Idol goes on doing the same stuff as always, and I just sort of napped a bit, hoping the other game would get out of the 28th extra inning. By rights, I should have watched that one, but I really wasn't in the mood, if you wanna know the truth.
7 I finally was ready, but my daughter dropped by with a video of her recent road trip to Colorado, so the game was placed on the back burner.
8 I loved the visit, and the video was a scream, buncha college kids goofing off on Spring Break '05.
9 Finally, after the video, I switched channels to the Giants/Dodgers, and lo! My television informed me that it was not available in our area.
10 Say WHAT??
11 Yep. For the first time in the entire history of my life, I was blocked from enjoying a Giants/Dodgers game.
12 I decided to go to the computer and write up the DN, and simply to listen to the game on my $5.00 Walgreens radio, which I bought I think when Reagan was President. Well, for the first time in the entire history of my life, my $5.00 Walgreens radio failed to pull KNBR in.
13 So I'm out here writing about virtually nothing, because I REALLY need a baseball fix. I have NO idea what is going on in the game right now, and I'm starting to get really shaky, and thinking about hanging out in a bar or something. In my prime, I could slam root beers with the best of 'em.
14 It isn't likely that the game is going to come into my field of vision, however, because I'm just too dedicated to the DN to get up and leave this computer. I'm sacrificing, man, for all of YOU!
15 Hurts man.
16 But it's all good. I'll be tanned, rested, and ready by tomorrow.
17 What I do for this place...
18 Well, I think I'm going to go beat my dog and throw stuff at my neighbors. The I'm going to hit the hay.
19 Yeah. That's what I think I'll do. My neighbor on my left hasn't talked to me in twenty years, and my new neighbor on the right has taken a wrecking ball to his house, AND it seems, has put up a casino in its stead. It's about forty stories high and lit up like Little Vegas. Every now and again I just throw stuff at him. No reason. Nothing injurious, just like cotton and cabbage and stuff, just to keep the guy honest.
20 So yeah, I'm gonna go do that. Oh, and for those of you on the edge of your seats, the answer to the query (number 4, above) is that it's either/or, either, eye-ther, potato, potahto, ball game, or ballgame.
21 Sweet dreams are made of this. Is it this, or is it these? Whatevuh.
22 Who am I to disagree?
23 Everybody's looking for something.
24 Peaceout.
Recent Comments