December 1, 2004
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The Daily News
1 Every time I think I've seen it all, a NEW reality show rears its ugly head. Last night, I SCREAMED at the television when I saw this show called The Biggest Loser, which pits overweight people against overweight people in a weight-loss contest. They MADE these people wear spandex, for God's sake, and hop on scales, on NATIONAL television! Sadly, one guy who lost like ten pounds took off his shirt, and jiggled and DANCED, and...oh, LORDY! He was like around 80 pounds short of what was needed. Dude...
2 Now, as a person who carries around a few too many El Bees, I gotta tellya, that show is a heartbreaker. Oh, I have all the excuses: I have exercised and exercised, and nothing seems to happen; I have dieted like a madman, only to find that I experienced internal bleeding, and blah, blah, blah. Buncha hooey. I know damned well that if I got off my ass, I could do it.
3 Truth is, I simply haven't convinced myself to do a total lifestyle change, and it is REALLY depressing watching some young hardbody dude coaxing a poor guy who is over 300 <not THIS guy, not YET! yeesh!!!> to keep going, that YOU CAN DO IT, and trust me, when you are up there, you are self-conscious 24/7, and that's what you are right now, you know damned well that a) you probably AREN'T going to do it sometime soon, and b) you are going to get NO sympathy from anyone.
4 I saw this poor 400-pound guy named "Moe" get so disillusioned and down, it really made me feel for the poor guy. Yeah, he's on National Television, but still. The way I see it, anyone even five pounds over their "perfect" weight is depressed these days. And they feel that EVERYONE is thinking, "Eww! How disgusting that person looks!" Actually most people are pretty much all about THEMSELVES, yo.
5 That poor guy was just tortured. Here was Captain Hardbody Young Tattoo Dude, who has probably NEVER had a weight problem, cajoling, and pushing, and the poor overweight guy almost broke down crying. Actually, so did the trainer.
6 I'm sorry, but unless YOU have come down from a weight that for whatever reason suddenly got out of control, you have no idea of the pain and shame overweight people go through. YEAH, weight IS something you have control over, and YEAH, you can just work out, diet, run on $600 machines, and go measure the one pound you might have lost all week, but just getting going is frustrating, and you need either a trainer, or a VERY strong-will.
7 What a thing to show a guy right after Thanksgiving. Yeesh.
8 Okay, that being said, I guess I'll get going again on the search for the perfect diet. I had done Atkins for around three months, and had lost like twenty-five pounds, but my body couldn't do it; it bled inside, and I had some problems with digestion. And blah, blah, blah...
9 So I am now on the Fatkins, which consists of buying all my clothes one size larger, and consuming massive quantities of Twinkies and Ho-Ho's, chased by icy cold milk, and a latte. Starbucks whoops up an exquisite egg-nog latte this time of the year.
10 Oh, and of course, Altoids.
11 So far, it's been smooth sailing...
12 I have yet to join the health spa, however. Too self-conscious of my hair, which becomes more scarce each day. I'm a swimmer, so maybe if I just shave my head...dude, I'd be RUGGED!
13 That, however, requires getting wet and putting myself on display in a pool...There is Good News: for receding hair, I just have this plethora of hats that have hair glued to the sides. I put it on, and voila! So I don't have to trip off that one. Besides, my TRUE strength lies in the reality that most people are all about themselves, as I've already stated.
14 Maybe if I squeeze into one of those tawdry girdles from the thirties, I could look like a muscle-laden shiek, given the right clothes and perfumes...
15 Or, as I have frequently stated about trying to teach those who wish not to learn, I COULD simply try to rid the shores of sand....
16 Positively.
17 Meanwhile, I think it's time for the pork roast and the Sunny Select. I can SLAM those bad boys right now.
18 Word to yer mom.
19 Out.
Comments (2)
Hehehehe. Weight sucks. The older I get the harder it is to drop a few pounds. Especially with all of the good things to eat this time of the year. All of which are calorie packed, but taste way too good to pass up. Speaking of those egg-nog lattes at Starbucks. One of my favorites and I know that I can only get them this time of the year, so I go into an egg-nog latte buying frenzy. I will go back to my non-fat lattes after the new year.
About exercise, it is mostly about GETTING to the gym for me. I have 24 hr. fitness memberships two times, and both times I cancelled because the fact is that I just never got around to going. Now with the kids, I have less time than ever, and yet I probably need to go more than ever(reduces stress, and it would be a GREAT way to burn off all of the crap that I eat all day). 
whew! so it's NOT just me...
H!
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