May 18, 2004
-
The Daily News
1 Okay, so this will be tougher than I imagined.
2 I got home, filled to the brim with wild ramblings,
only to find my computer smothered by young
collegiates desperately hitting deadlines. And trust
me, when young collegiates have deadlines, you
either stand down, or you get a look that will turn
you to stone.
3 I decided to watch the Sharks. Now here's
something you need to know about me: I can
jinx just about any sports team simply by tuning
in and rooting. The past two games, I just listen-
ed marginally. Last night, with utterly nothing
else to do, I popped on the Sharks' game. At
first it worked beautifully; the lights flew every-
where; the smoke shot out of that huge Shark's
mouth; the team took to the ice like the champions
they are, and within seconds, the game was under
way.
4 It took about four minutes before Calgary scored
two early goals, and my Catholic self told me just
to close my eyes, sleep, and say about six-hundred
Hail Mary's for jinxing San Jose's own.
5 So I did, drifted off without a dream (testing
students incessantly eventually takes its toll!)
and finally awoke like twenty minutes ago, at
2 a.m. The Sharks had long since lost, due I'm
quite convinced, because of me, and the collegiates
had finished, and were into a deep, collegiate
slumber.
6 I would probably still be asleep, and without a DN
had my Nazi dog not barked loudly, a nightly
ritual that translates loosely to this: "Let me out,
NOW, you fat lug, or I vill leave a perfect circle
of pee on the rug!!" If I ignore this command,
a second and final warning shot fires into my
frabjous mind, and it's do or die.
7 Good thing, I imagine. The dog went out, and I
made it to the computer, which took around 18
minutes to spin around and load.
8 But here I am, hitting a deadline sure to reach the
tainted masses out there searching for Truth.
9 So there you have it. I will now listen to some
underground radio, do a little CIA work, check
the floor for dryness, and then couch myself so
I will be rested enough to handle watching students
strain and stress over number-two pencils and
GO TO NEXT PAGE commands from fierce tests
that have become a part of their yearly ritual. You
know, the more things change, the more they stay
the same. I had to suffer the absurdity of testing
when I was a wee lad, and the same exact font
commanded me to GO TO THE NEXT page as
well. I imagine it's the American way.
10 To this minute, I'm not so sure I understand what
testing is all about, but you can bet there are
pretty serious people doing piles of research in-
dicating a need for this stuff. How did Jesus get
all His teaching out there just using kindess and
good lessons and all? He never issued a number
two pencil in his life, and people managed to
learn. I'll bet not one disciple ever asked Him for
a hall pass.
11 It sure makes one think, doesn't it?
12 Education, I swear.
13 Well, I'd better get off to sleep while I still can.
14 The dog, after all, just retired, the collegiates have
been adequately radicalized, and I think I am
finally free to sleep.
12 Good night.
13 And good day.
14 Peace.
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